Brandelyn: Lyrical Contradiction

This could only happen to me….

 

            Yesterday I was on the bus. I know that is usually enough said, but you won’t be disappointed with this story. So yesterday I was on the bus on my way into San Francisco for a meeting. I had exactly 45 minutes to get there from East Oakland so I had to make moves. The bus is nearly empty when I get on because it is fairly early in the afternoon and it was a double bus so there were plenty of open seats on this bus. (This will become important in 5 seconds.) So the bus pulls to the next stop and next thing I know a guy gets on and he is falling all over the place. He falls on top of me before deciding to sit next to me. That’s right, on the practically empty bus, the extremely drunk smelly man with no teeth wants to sit next to Brandelyn. Oh but it gets better. So he sits next to me and instantly my personal space is taken over by the scent of every single alcoholic beverage known to man all wrapped up in one.

            “Where’s your baby?” he says to me.

            “What?”

            “Where’s your baby. You had a baby last time I saw you.”

            “No, that wasn’t me.”

            “YES IT WAS DON’T LIE TO ME!”

            (Whoa…really sir, you’re just going to start yelling at me? Is this what you feel you need to do?)

            “Where is your baby?”

            At this point I proceed to text my rose and tell her that she needs to call me RIGHT NOW! Thankfully we have an understanding and she called immediately. So the drunk man starts talking about Quincy and how he is running for president and his wife needs to sit down because we need a woman in the white house…(mmhm, that’s right, that’s what he said) and I am on the phone with my Rose, trying to explain to her what all the commotion next to me is about. So as we are talking old boy literally starts huffing and puffing trying to get my attention. Now he has me completely blocked in and I can’t get out of my seat and he is now getting extremely agitated that I am ignoring him and talking on the phone. While we are talking he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny bottle of liquor. I watch as he unscrews the top of it, huffs and puffs one more time then proceeds to toss the contents of the entire bottle on me. I jump up covered in some sort of brown liquor and looked down at him like he is crazy.

            “Are you serious?” I yelled at him, “Get out of my way!” I said pushing my way past him and heading to the front of the bus. (Let me just interject and say that Jesus saved that mans life yesterday because the old Brandelyn would probably be in jail right now.)

            So I head to the front of the bus now smelling like a really bad drink, angry beyond anything I know.

            “Excuse me,’ I say to the bus driver, “um some man is in the back with an open bottle of liquor that he just decided to pour on me.”

            “Um, there’s nothing I can do about that.”

            “Oh okay so you’re saying that you can’t do anything about open containers of liquor being consumed on your bus and poured onto patrons? Do you think your supervisor feels the same or…”

            He looked at me and caught a whiff of my new fragrance and saw that this was indeed happening. So he pulls the bus over and after five minutes finally gets the drunk dude off the bus and I get back on. Of course Oakland is on the bus and they are having a caucus in the back about what had just transpired.

            “I know that ‘b’ did not just get him kicked off the bus over a dollars worth of liquor,” said the young lady with the teal colored braids, ‘I should kick her ass for doing that to him. He ain’t never did nothing to no body.”

            “That’s them stuck up ass college people, they always think they better than somebody,” said her dreadlocked, gold toothed counterpart.

            Their conversation went on until I exited the bus a few stops later and headed down into the BART station. So I get on the train, head into the city with exactly 10 minutes to run into Old Navy, drop dollars I did not have on a dress and sandals so I could change and go to my meeting not smelling like a wino. Once I am dressed and ready to go, I call the guy I am supposed to be meeting with and he informs me that he is out and about being a tourist and won’t be back at his hotel for another two hours. Seriously?! I didn’t even say a word, I just walked back to the bus, went back to Oakland and waiting for the event I was supposed to speak at to happen. The only real consolation is that the dress I got from Old navy is beyond fly and I was beyond fly in it. However, I am now focused and saving every single dollar I have to I can get a car. Brandelyn is officially OVER riding the bus.

Peace y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 07:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

            I have personally decided to start my own crusade. Before I get into what that is, let me give a little background context. Ahem…
            Yesterday I was waiting at the bus stop on my way to work. Something comes into my line of vision and its crazy dude who called me thirty eight times in three days. His job is right across the street from my bus stop so I guess he saw me from the window. Anyway, he is standing a few feet away from me and he is looking extremely angry. His shoulders are all hunched and his fists are balled up and his face was covered with a really scary grimace. He said something but I had Fred Hammond bumping in the Ipod so I missed it. I took out my head phone and the “conversation” went like this…
Me: What did you say?
Him: You can’t answer your phone? (Let me add that he was so mad his voice got that gruff man thing guys do when they get really mad and his spoke through clenched teeth, so I knew your boy was actually angry!)
Me: No, I never answer my phone…(this is technically true)
Him: WHY NOT? (yes he yelled through clenched teeth…)
Me: It rings too much…
Him: MAN, F*** YOU!
            He then takes off running across the street and goes into a restaurant that overlooks my bus stop and just stands in the glass doorway staring at me. My bus FINALLY comes and as soon as I get on, he comes out and goes back across the street to his job….UM…what? that whole thing was scary and I am not going to be taking a whole other bus to work from now on, but I have decided that I am going to bring the pager back. From now one, instead of handing out the phone number, you are just going to get the pager number and I can decide whether or not to call you back and I can do so from a blocked number. After a certain period of time, I will think about revealing the number but even then it might be the number to the pay phone on the corner, but you get what I’m saying.
            It seems like the guys I encounter are getting crazier and crazier but they only want to show that they are crazy after they get my number. I’m tired of changing my number every few months and telling my friends not to give it out to anyone because some crazy person messed it up for everyone. This situation was particularly scary and I will definitely use extreme caution but I’m going pager shopping when I get home to LA in a couple of hours. I’m about to put this plan into action right now. A whole hot mess I tell you!
Peace Y’all B

Posted by Brandelyn at 04:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

                As you all know, my car got totaled in an accident a few months ago and I have been on the bus ever since.  The bus has been cool, I’m used to it again, but I have discovered a new problem that comes with my public transportation travels. I have to do a lot of walking now as the bus stops are easily half a mile from my house and it seems like every time I start walking somewhere, someone crazy shows up. When I get to work, there is a woman who is obsessed with the fact that I look like Jill Scott. Okay, yes we favor each other, but it is nothing to get all excited about. So I pass by her, say good morning and she starts yelling and screaming (literally) about how much I look like Jill. Next thing I know there are5 dudes on the corner with her, waiting for me with actual cameras trying to take pictures of me so they can pretend that they met Jill Scott. It actually got so scary that I have to come to work late just to avoid the madness.

                Then there is this guy who works at a business that I tend to frequent, no names here because he probably reads my blog, and I hadn’t seen him in a while because I have been so busy. So as I am waiting for the bus, he shows up out of nowhere questioning me on where I’ve been. We crack a few jokes and he asks for my number so he can keep me posted on upcoming events. I give it to him and in the last 3 days he has called me 38 times. And no those are not my wonderful exaggerating skills, that is no joke. I finally had to change his tone to silent and screen him constantly just to get some peace. Three days!!!

                Today, it was exceptionally hot and of course I was stuck carrying my huge coat since it was most certainly not hot this morning. So I stop by Trader Joe’s to get some things for dinner and as I am walking home with my huge bag carrying my laptop and life, my groceries and coat, this man appears out of nowhere and starts following me. The reason I know he is following me is because I stopped walking in an attempt to get him to walk ahead of me and when I stopped, he stopped. When I started walking he started walking. As he walked behind me I could hear him grunting and making comments about my butt and there was nothing I could do about it since my hands were absolutely full. He followed me all the way to my house, and since I had already walked half a mile and was virtually drenched in sweat, homeboy was just going to have to know which building I lived in because I was not taking another step.

                Now that it’s getting dark at 2:15, I have decided to put about 100 dollars a month aside and just start taking cabs. It’s getting real dangerous in these streets and with all these strange folks trying to wile’ out, I am not the one to become a statistic. Y’all just pray for me! LOL! And let me also add that this is the first time I haven’t had any actual drama ON the bus. Go figure!

Peace Y’all!
B

Posted by Brandelyn at 04:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

There is a disturbing trend here in Oakland that I feel is my duty to address. This afternoon I was walking back from the library where I was doing research and simply enjoying this absolutely beautiful day. As I’m walking, getting down with the Ipod, my sense of smell is bombarded with a painfully familiar and distinct smell. I whip my head in the direction of the offensive smell and I see it. A grown woman with a jheri curl. Yes, I know, you are as astounded as I was, but let me tell you, this is not the first ‘curl’ I’ve seen recently. It seems as though my beloved city is reverting back to the 80’s in more than simple clothing decisions, it seems as though hair styles are suffering from the time travel as well. Now I have to admit, I have rocked my fair share of side ponytails in my day, but the jheri curl? My computer doesn’t even acknowledge the spelling of this word it’s so played out so why Oakland are we doing this? As I stared at this sister, watching the juice drip down her neck I could only shake my head at the madness. Please Oakland, I beg you, please do not bring the jheri curl back. It might be semi acceptable for your pimp named Peaches on the corner to rock the super long shag jheri curl, but not your average sister on the street. It’s just wrong. I don’t know what to do about this, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, but something needs to be done. If you have a loved one who is rocking the curl or thinking about rocking the curl, talk to them, there are support groups out there who can help. This is a community effort and we need to save ourselves. Friends don’t let friends get curls. Be a friend and speak the truth...

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 07:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

    Times here in So Cal have been quite interesting. My family is as crazy as ever. Monday night I went over to my Aunt’s house to kick as I do every time I come out here and my Aunt told me that she and my Uncle were going to do that lemonade fast. You know the fast with the lemonade, cayenne pepper, molasses, pickle juice, hog maws…whatever that crazy madness is that you are supposed to drink, but you know what I’m talking about. So she and Uncle D were supposed to be doing this fast for the next ten days. So Monday was the first day. So Auntie and I are chillen at the house, I’m helping my little cousin with his homework, my aunt is running around the house straightening up and helping the oldest boy with his homework, while the middle child is in his room playing some crazy video game. My aunt keeps offering me all kinds of food because she doesn’t want it to go to waste since the boys only eat things that come from a microwave or from a box. She herself is a little miffed by her decision to go on with the crazy fast while I am sitting there watching the whole thing go down.
    My cousin Daniel made a very interesting observation about his father’s ability to complete this fast.
    Daniel: “I bet you dad just tossed all of that lemonade out of the window and rolled over to In and Out and said ‘Give me two double doubles, and hurry up about it! I haven’t eaten all day!”
    My aunt, after we all finished laughing, profusely defended her husband and proceeded to go on about how she was craving something crunchy, but they were going to stand strong and stick it out. Most likely the half a bag of spicy pork rinds by her bed that my Aunt has been known to snack on occasionally.
A little while later, Uncle D comes home from work and drops his bag and looks at my aunt.
    Uncle D to my aunt, then to me: “Baby, we need to talk about this fast you have us on. Bran, your aunt came to me yesterday talking about this fast she’s all excited about and then I ask her when she wants to start and she says tomorrow. TOMORROW! I mean Bran, I need a little time for some mental preparation.”
    Me: “I feel you Uncle D.”
    Auntie: “Baby, you don’t want to do the fast?”
    Uncle D: “Naw, I’m just saying I need a little mental preparation first.  I mean Father’s day is on Sunday. I want to eat a steak! I can’t be drinking this lemonade for ten days without time to prepare!”
    Me: “I feel you Uncle D.”
    Auntie: “So what you tryna say baby? You want to wait until after father’s day to do it?”
    Uncle D: “Yeah, that’s all I’m saying! But it’s up to you. You decide.
    Auntie (Tearing into a bag of spicy pork rinds and commencing to crunching): “Hunh?”
    Uncle D: “Now that is a damn shame Bran. Look at your Aunt. I didn’t even get the sentence out of my mouth good before you hear crunching. That is a shame. At least I waited for a second.”
    So Uncle D who has not eaten all day is now on a mission to find some food. He and I hop in the car and drive to one of the two places that are open at 1:30 in the morning in Duarte, Wendy’s. The whole drive Uncle D is talking about some bread pudding he was being deprived of and how he was going to go to the café first thing in the morning and get some. He then asks me what I think he should get from Wendy’s. I told him to go light since it was almost two am and he hadn’t eaten all day. My uncle agrees and we roll up to the window.
    “Yeah, uh, let me get a number 4 (Double cheeseburger with 6 strips of bacon), a root beer float and make those fries the jumbo size. Fill it up! Let me also get a regular cheese burger and small fries (for my aunt), Bran what you want?”
    “I’m cool Uncle D.”
    “You sure?”
    “Yes Uncle D.”
    We pull up to the window, pay and leave. Fifteen minutes later, my uncle is passed out on the bed, knocked out having ingested every last bit of his food and float. My aunt and I fell out laughing as we watched the whole thing go down. The next morning as we relayed the story to my cousins, Daniel smirked and said, “Told you.”

The end.
Peace Y’all
B

Posted by Brandelyn at 01:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

There are some things that can only accurately be described by one word. The word we are going to use today is...ahem...Oakland.

            This afternoon as I drove to meet a friend for lunch, I saw a rather large army truck coming up behind me. This truck was not the standard green color, but was painted a basic yellow and donned the standard fatigue pattern. It had a large yellow material that covered the back of the truck and the back of the truck was exposed. Ahem. When the truck passed me, the driver of this vehicle was a brotha, with dreds, gold teeth, donning a white tee, blasting some sort of hyphy music (that’s bay area music for those not in the know) and shaking his red tipped dreds as he rolled his army truck down the street. Instead of trying to figure out what I just saw, only one word came to mind... Oakland.

            After an enjoyable meal, my friend told me about a woman he saw on his way to work that morning. As he waited for a light to turn green, a homeless woman to his left suddenly jumped up from the bus stop she was sitting at, started waiving her hands in the air and turning in circles. Just as suddenly, she dropped to the ground, laid down prostrate on the ground, then jumped back up, and sat back down on the bus stop as though nothing had happened. Again I say, Oakland.

            Bus drivers stopping in the middle of the street to have a full blown conversation with their friend who happened to drive by...Oakland.

            Black owned art galleries nestled in between Ethiopian health food restaurant, skateboard shops and night clubs...Oakland.

            Random plastic bags and cardboard droppings floating through downtown and any given time...Oakland.

            Homeless people with Degrees from Cal...Oakland...well, Berkeley too...let’s keep it real.

            There is always so much life going on in this land I love so much and there truly is no place like the Town. I am really looking forward to all of the adventures that will come and the many many blogs that will come from those adventures. Today is a very special day. I’m excited about it. And it is only going to get better from here.

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 02:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

As I approach a major transition in my life, for some reason, I have been thinking about changing occupations. Of course this lead me to think about jobs I would enjoy and jobs that would be a challenge. But most importantly, it made me think about jobs that I absolutely could not do. Ahem...

 

1. A DJ...It is no secret that I have A.D.D. However, my A.D.D.ness gets much worse when it comes to music. Once I decide that I love a song, oh boy, do I love that song. I recently rediscovered Stay by Ne-Yo and I have listened to that song 368 times in the last few weeks, okay the last two weeks, but you get my point. Once I get my mind set that I want to hear a song, it’s over. Could you imagine me being on the radio? My DJ name would be DJ Repeat because it would be same 5 artists, playing the same three songs until I get bored or until something new comes out that catches my mind. Seriously, I can’t even listen to BUDDY by Musiq Soulchild anymore, and that song JUST came out. No being a DJ would not be my calling.

 

1. A bus Driver... For all intents and purposes, I am an LA driver. I will dip on someone faster than you can say speed limit. I can’t stand slow drivers and I promise if you got points for pedestrians...well let me just leave at that. My attorney reads my blog. But the truth of the matter is, I could not be a bus driver because couple my peaking road rage with the tomfoolery of my bay area peeps, I would never get a “Safe Driver” patch. And I overheard a bus driver talking about the insurance they have on buses that pretty much allows them to do what they want (that explains so much) so yeah, being a bus driver, especially for the AC transit, would not be the right move for me.

 

1. A Teacher: Now, I love the kids...from a distance. Everyone I know who is in the education field are some of the most patient, wonderful people I know. I however, am not the one. These kids with their grown attitudes and lack of home training would probably land me in jail. I’m serious. And it would be different if teachers actually made the money they deserve. It is a lot easier to deal with the kids all day when you come home to your own house with a nice jet bathtub overlooking the city. Money isn’t everything, but it certainly can make your job more tolerable.

 

1. A Postal Worker: The fact that Postal workers are required to carry mace should be problem number one. What do you encounter on your job that requires you to have some sort of protection right off the bat?! That’s crazy to me. The other things is the responsibility level. I can’t hold the fate of other peoples lives in my hand. Here I am responsible for peoples bills, checks, lifestyles, all of that. I am not the one! However, the main problem I would have with being a postal worker is all of the physical labor that is required. My post man has a truck with which he totes the mail around, but he parks that truck and then trucks himself and a hundred pounds worth of mail up and down the block delivering it. It would be different if the land were flat, well no it wouldn’t really, but the fact remains that my mail man carries one hundred pounds of mail up and down all the mountainous terrain of the area I live in. That is a mess! I know my limitations and walking around carrying a hundred pounds of mail up and down a mountain side is not the occupation for me.

Posted by Brandelyn at 07:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

I’m just sayin’ Volume 11...

 

I was reading through my old blogs yesterday and decided I needed to bring I’m just Sayin’ back. So here we go...

 

How could I have not known?! This morning as I completed my daily routine of shower, dress, breakfast, bounce, I walked into my living room to turn off the tv and was immediately greeted by Tevin Campbell singing “Back to the world.” Now as I watched this video I noticed his twists with the burned ends, his metallic outfits and his complete and total disassociation from the girl in his video and it hit me, HOW DID I NOT SEE THAT THAT MAN WAS GAY?! In high school, they used to call me Mrs. Campbell because I was sooo in love with him. I used to buy Word Up magazine and cut his pictures out and put them up on my wall. I had every single album and even used my babyface to get in back stage at the Holiday Cool Down just so I could meet him. I refused to watch the Fresh Prince of Bel Air for a month after he kissed Ashley on the cheek during her birthday party. Of course, let me not forget to mention the 3 hour bus trips from Pasadena to the Third street promenade just because Word Up told me that he liked to frequent a French fry place there. (Mom did you know about that?! LOL!!!) Yes, I was young and he was my Hollywood crush. But as I watched that video this morning, the signs were so clear. Matter of fact, there were no signs, it was just straight up laid out for all to see! Man...How could I have not known?! I’m just sayin’.... (Oh and keep your comments clean Amarra! LOL!!!)

 

LA Is never too far away...As much as I try and claim the Bay with all of my might, there is a little part of me that will never forget where I came from. The side of me that will always involuntarily represent Los Angeles whether I like it or not. This side of me only comes out when I am behind the wheel. I don’t know what happens. Outside of the car I am talking about peace and love, butterflies and social justice, but the minute I slide into my car and turn the key, LA just comes pouring out of me. The speed limit is for suckers! I’ve got places to be! People get honked at, I’m weaving in and out of traffic, knocking bicyclers off of there bikes, threatening anyone who dares step out off of the curb, I get vicious. I don’t even know it’s happening until I see the look of shock on my passengers face, or on the person I almost hit with my car who was in my way. And please don’t even get me started on Pigeons. They don’t even stand a chance. Now I don’t want you to think I’m ripping through every city, causing havoc everywhere I go, no, I’m not a blip on my local sheriff’s radar. I keep it cool, but there are those moments when I will dip in and out of the lanes and throw a dirty look at someone as I drive along drinking my coffee and talking to my Rose on my Cell phone. So the moral of the story is no matter how accurate my Thizz face becomes. How many e-40 songs I memorize or how many Angela Davis lectures I attend, the fact of the matter is, LA is never far away.

 

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 11:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Yesterday I went to this spot by my house to get some of their homemade ice cream and I got into an argument with homegirl who was serving me. It went something like this...

Me: Hi, I’d like to get a medium handpacked with Rocky Road and Butter Brickle please.

Her: Okay, but are you sure you don’t want to get a half gallon size? It’s cheaper and it’s all ready for you to take now.

Me: Can I get two flavors in the half gallon?

Her: No, it’s already pre packaged.

Me: Then I’d like what I asked for.

Her: Are you sure...

Me: Sweetie, *eyebrow raised at this point, Please just give me what I asked for.

Her: *let’s out a deep breath and brings over the large size container: You should get a large because the medium is very small and...

Me: Okay, I’m not quite sure what difficulties you are having in simply giving me what I asked for, but it seems pretty clear. I would like *black girl attitude comes seeping out of my voice at this point and there was definitely an inkling of a neck roll at this moment, a Medium, with Rocky Road and Butter Brickle

Her: But it doesn’t make sense. Why don’t you just get a large and...

At this point I felt the spirit of Madea trying to come over me but I had just gotten out of church and was not in the mood for going to jail, so I took a deep breath and asked Jesus to be a fence around me...

Me: Can you get the manager please?

Her: *eye brow goes up, hand goes on hip and neck definitely rolls,  Why do you need the manager?

Me: *once again calling on the power of the most high to keep from jumping over the ice cream counter and showing her how much Oakland has truly infiltrated my life, Because you are clearly unable to process my request and I would like to speak to someone who understands what I am saying and chances are, that would be the manager.

            *SIDEBAR: Have you ever wondered how many times you have been in danger and never actually knew it?

Her: *sucking her teeth, Hold on....

She goes in the back and gets the manager and he comes out and I explain to him what is going on. He cannot make sense as to why old girl wanted to get into an argument with me instead of giving me what I asked for. So he upgraded me to a large and I paid the medium price.

Moral of the story: Clearly if I am prepared to go to jail over some ice cream, it is evident that I am at the end of my rope and a real life vacation is desperately needed. And I do mean desperately. For now, I will simply enjoy my day off today and finally clean my apartment!

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 09:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

And Yet another...No Tanto Mucho Moment

 

            So yesterday I was at work. I had a couple hours before our weekly staff check in’s so I decided to take a moment and roll to IKEA right quick. I figured that there would only be a few people in the store as it was the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday. Right. So I get over there, park, roll into the store and I promise you, AMERICA was in this store!! I sighed, grabbed a basket, fought my way through the marketplace to pick up the four items I needed from IKEA. It took all of 10 minutes plus and extra five to peruse the As-Is section, of course, and I was in and out in record time. Feeling proud of myself I make my way over to the check out lanes and my mouth fell completely open. I though America as in the store, well the rest of the continents were chillen at the check out lanes because I thought I was at Magic Mountain on a Saturday in the summer.  I haven’t seen lines that long since I was standing in line to buys books and get my ID at Cal. No Tan Mu.  The lines snaked all way into the furniture section and out of the 20 lanes, there were only 4 check stands open. I take a deep breath, glance down at my meager basket and silently contemplate if it is worth it. Fearing having to come back and deal with this again, I find the “shortest” line and settle in for the long haul. As I’m standing there, listening to people complain about how long it was taking and how it wasn’t worth it to wait. As we are standing there, the lights above us begin to flicker and the power suddenly goes out and the emergency lights come on.

What.

 For the briefest moment, there is complete silence in the store. A voice on the loud speaker comes on and says “Ladies and Gentleman, it seems that we are suffering from a power outage. Please remain calm and we will get you out of the store as quickly as possible. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

Once the voice stopped talking, almost in unison, the employee’s at the check stands seemingly shrug their shoulders and continue to go on about their business, however, now everything has to be done manually. The store may not have any power, but IKEA was going to get it’s money. So 25 minutes later, I make it up to the check stand and see your girl ringing up the woman in front of me using a calculator and a card imprint machine.

What.

It took her a minute because she couldn’t figure out how to add the tax, so the woman she was ringing up finally grabbed the calculator from her and did it herself. I’m glad that wasn’t me because I couldn’t help you. So as I’m standing there, some nice women from the restaurant area came by handing out cookies trying to keep people calm. Which honestly, was a really good idea because how much of an attitude can you really have if you are eating cookies? So I finally get up to the line, your girl breaks out her calculator, makes an imprint of my card, takes another five minutes to figure out the tax while I stared at her blankly and after an hour, I was finally on my way.

 

No Tanto Mucho

 

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 01:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

So I am officially moved into the new place. I am super in love with it and I am actually getting the best sleep of my life, God is good!! There are no crazy neighbors beating people up and I actually can’t hear anything from my neighbors at all. This entire weekend was spent moving in and getting it together. Thanks to some wonderful friends, the hard part was completed on Saturday afternoon and then I began to unpack. My other goal in life besides moving was to complete my Tyler Perry collection. I was amped to find Madea Goes to Jail at Target and popped it in as soon as I got home. As I was moving furniture around and unpacking boxes, a scene in this play really got my attention. Madea was talking about people coming in and out of your life. She quoted Maya Angelou and said “If someone tells you who they are, believe them...” The funny thing is that I have heard that quote a million times, but with all of the changes going on in my life right now, I have really been able to evaluate the relationships that surround me. If someone has proven themselves to be abusive, or flaky, or mean spirited, or a gossip, or a user, then there is no mystery there. That is what that person is and that is what they are going to be. I am a person who likes to believe in the good in people at all costs, but we have to be honest with ourselves sometimes and realize that there are people who are out there just to bleed you dry and then move on to the next. Think about it. Do you have that friend who only calls you when things are bad and there is all kinds of trauma going on in their lives, but when you need a shoulder they are no where to be found? Or do you have that friend who only calls you when you need something, but when you need something, again, they are nowhere to be found? A very difficult lesson that I am learning is that relationship, all relationships are give and take. It is a beautiful thing to be able to provide a shoulder for someone during a hard time, but that same need needs to be filled by them as well. Constantly being the giver and going out of your way for someone without it being returned will get old really quick. And sometimes you have to take steps back from relationships and see what happens. But like Madea says, if someone hurts you and you tell them about it and they make changes to try and fix it, then that is someone who is a good friend and worth keeping around. But if you tell someone that they hurt you and they keep doing the same thing, then you need to take step back from that one and see what happens. Just like gardeners prune leaves from tree’s so will God prune people from your life. It may be uncomfortable and hurt a little, but you will be so much better off when its over.

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 10:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

A few truisms...

 

1. I am getting old... This morning as I stopped by my local bakery to grab an extremely necessary cup of Joe, I saw a *young man who’s *pants were sagging all down his butt (phrases that actually passed through my mind) and I actually wanted to tell him to pull his dang pants up and to tell his girlfriend to comb her hair because you do not need to leave the house looking like that. Take some pride in yourself. Once I crossed the street and realized that I was actually irritated by the young couple, I realized that I am getting old. I refuse to listen to the radio and have no idea who 90 percent of the rappers are now days and got super amped last night while listening to VH1 soul (while reading applications) when MC Lyte, Heavy D and A Tribe Called Quest all made appearances on my screen. When songs I used to listen to in high school are now being remade, and as I brush my hair back into a ponytail and am faced with the presence of grey hairs, I can only succumb to the fact that I am indeed, getting old. But please do not trip, I make it look good...Thankkkk youuuu....
2. I don’t answer my cell phone...this is something that is often hard for people accept, but 98 percent of the time, I don’t answer my cell phone. It’s not personal by any stretch of the imagination, so please do not take it as such. But even with the fairly recent number change, my phone rings entirely too much, so I opt to ignore it. This coupled with the fact that I have a 90 hour work week, I simply don’t have the time or energy to talk. I also don’t check my messages, either. If you send a text, I am much more likely to respond. I currently have 19 unheard messages and 8 saved messages that I refuse to check. It’s too much of a time commitment and I simply don’t want to, so send me an email and you are pretty much guaranteed a response. Other than that...I don’t know...
3. AC Transit is still off the hook in 2007, nothing has changed there...surprisingly it gives me a sense of comfort. Like no matter what is going on in the world, I know that Bus Drivers will continue to bang on passengers, pass up cars that are driving to slow for their like and subsequently pass up stops in the process, and I can rest assured that Tomfoolery awaits with every ride...thank you AC Transit...I’m looking forward to 2007...
4. My addiction...My Facebook Wife Cianna pointed out a very important discrepancy in a recent blog post. I do in deed have an addiction and am well on my way to becoming a great artist. I walked into my office this morning for the first time since the third week of December and found a box from Carol’s Daughter waiting for me on my desk...I saw the box and realized that it is really nice to know that 2007 got started off right...So thank you Cianna for pointing out the fact that I do indeed have an addiction to something and thank you Carol’s Daughter for making that fact a tangible reality...

 

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 11:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

            Antarctica: Apparently I have been living in Antarctica and didn’t know it. Saturday night was a record 20 something degrees here in good ol’ Berkeley. Sunday was slightly colder. When I woke up this morning in my apartment, there was snow on my windows, icicles dangling from my doorway and I could see my breath when I spoke, and I promise you I saw a penguin roll by with a sweater on. Oh and let me mention that this was all going on INSIDE of my apartment. Last year my PG&E bill was 200 + a month due to my excessive use of my gas heater. This year I decided to be smart and simply use the oven as my heater. It worked for a while, but when I have to leave the oven on ALL DAY just to be able to wear one sweatshirt instead of two, I have to go ahead and accept that this heating method is not effective. This morning I woke up and was in pain from the cold. I had on a thick sweatshirt, long sleeved shirt, tank top, boxers, sweatpants, thick socks, sheets, two comforters and my bear and was still too cold to actually get out of bed. The sad thing is that I am rarely home, so when I do come home it is freezing and by time the place gets warmed up, I’m heading for bed. To further explain the severity of this situation I am hereby making this declaration, *deep breath….for the month of January, I will be using my monthly stipend that is allocated toward the purchase of Carol’s Daughter products and the like and will be applying said funds to the Gas portion of my Gas and Electric bills. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I can’t be cute if I’m cold. I’m just sayin’…

 

            AC Transit: Its been a while since I have had an adventure on the AC Transit, but never fear…the tomfoolery is back. Friday night I was on my way to Downtown Berkeley to meet up with my girl. I hop on the bus which came right on time…sadly an indication that tomfoolery lay ahead. I was not wrong. A few stops past mine, we pull up to a stop where a woman in a motorized scooter is waiting. The driver pulls up, lets the ramp out and…we sit there…and wait. The woman in the scooter has not moved an inch as she is engrossed in a very important conversation…with herself. Seeing that passenger is not interested, the driver proceeds to reel in the ramp. At this point the passenger snaps her head around and snarls at the driver… “I’m getting on the bus.” The bus driver, literally bits her lip and lets the ramp back out. The passenger at this point takes 3 minutes to wheel herself backward, then forward to position herself on the ramp. The driver lifts her up, she slowly and I mean painfully slowly wheels herself into the aisle where she proceeds to sit perfectly still. The driver pulls the ramp back in and sits down in her chair, watching the woman. After 2 minutes the woman speaks and tells the driver that she needs the other side to be lifted. The driver lifts the side and the woman begins the task of turning herself around. She pauses mid turn and says “You damn Californians, all you do is stare at people. I wish I was back in New York. Haven’t you seen anyone in a wheel chair before.” A voice from the back responds “We’ve seen wheelchairs before but we are wondering why you are moving so damn slow.” The woman looks into the direction of the voice and sees a very large black woman staring right back at her. She returned to her task of turning around. After another 3 minutes and with direction from the driver, the woman is finally strapped in and we’re off. As soon as the driver took off, the woman in the scooter flew forward and then flew backward as the driver stopped. The driver turns and asks her what the problem is, at which point she informs all of us that her scooter does not have brakes. The look on the bus drivers face was beyond description, but I’m pretty sure she wanted to cuss her out. We pull up to the next stop and the driver secures her with “all of the available safety measures” and the woman is still be tossed to and fro. The Driver tells her “If I had known that you didn’t have brakes I would not have let you on.” The woman says “I know, that’s why I didn’t tell you.” I got off of the bus at the next stop and walked the rest of the way. All of that was too much for me to deal with at the end of the week! No Tanto Mucho!

 

            The Doing Too Much Award: This month’s Doing Too Much Award goes to Reality Television. Like everything in life, you have to know when to stop. Last night I saw a commercial for a new reality series where celebrities go to a police academy and are trained and certified to be police officers. The celebrity panel includes LaToya Jackson, you know what I’ll just stop there. LaToya is enough. You know you have hit rock bottom when this is what you are coming up with. It is truly no wonder why show’s like Grey’s Anatomy and all of the CSI’s  are so popular, and shows like Real World and Top Model are slowly but surely losing their following. America is craving intelligence in their television experience. So Reality Television, you are officially Doing Too Much…I’m just sayin’

 

Peace Y’all
B

Posted by Brandelyn at 12:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

I’m Just sayin’ Volume 9?

            Coffee Shops: Now, this weekend, while I was at home visiting my family and enjoying life, I still had a lot of things that I needed to do for work. So I packed up Dino, hopped in Mom’s car and rolled to Starbucks. Once I got there, I scoured the place for an outlet, finally finding one behind the plastic dancing Christmas Tree and settled in. Once I made sure Dino had all of the necessary accommodations and was willing to turn on, I went in line, ordered my tangerine blended juice drink ($3.60) and went back to my computer. I clicked on the wireless internet link and was instantly taken to the t-mobile website. Hmm. One of the Barista’s walked past me carrying a large box of sugar packets, so I snagged her and asked her about the internet situation. She tells me to go to the t-mobile website and sign up...its only 10 dollars for 24 hours. Unhunh. So I politely ask her if they are planning to be open for 24 hours, because if so, I will happy to go home, change into some sweats and settle in for the 24 hours my internet will be available. She looked at me as though I was crazy, a look that matched my own and we both went on about our ways. She proceeded to stock her sugar packets, I proceeded to pack up my stuff and head out of the door.

            The next stop was to the Coffee Bean. This time before purchasing an over priced drink, I asked about the internet accommodations up front. I was promptly told that the internet could be purchased for $1.99 per minute. I promptly walked my tail right on out of there and headed down the street. I found an independent coffee shop that had free internet for their customers. Giddy with delight I walk in, set up my little situation, order my green tea smoothie and kept it moving. However, when I sat down, I noticed that all of the outlets had been covered up with tape. Hmm. I went back over to the front counter and asked the woman who was working there if I could plug in my computer. She told me no and continued wiping down the counter. I looked down at my 4 dollar smoothie and looked back at her and asked her again about using the outlet. She looks behind her conspiratorially and asks how long I’m going to be there. I said maybe an hour or two, I don’t know. She says, well I’ll let you use the outlet for an hour but that’s it. I wanted to throw the smoothie at her, but was not raised to be an angry person, so I sighed and took what I can get. I stayed for longer than an hour, just to make a statement but come one...are you serious right now?

 

            Traffic: First and foremost, Los Angeles is becoming scarily over populated. Pretty soon, people will be stacked on top of each other and LA will be forced to build a public transportation system that could actually replace the need to drive. Throw in some snow and great pizza and you’ll have a much prettier (thanks to the beaches) version of New York city. No matter what time of day you are traveling you will run into traffic and if you actually look at the person sitting in their car next to you, you will see that they are doing one of two things, talking on their cell phone, either laughing or looking very angry, or they have their heads laid back on the rest, clearly contemplating their lives. I noticed that the mentality of people living in So Cal is not that much different from those who live on the East Coast. People are lot quicker to get angry, stressed out, drink or find some other means of taking themselves out of their situations because being stacked up on people is extremely wearing. The short time I was out there, I was stressed out and cussing at people as I drove around looking for ways to avoid traffic. Good luck with that one.

            Shopping: I have to admit that shopping is a lot more convenient in the southern parts. With Malls every few miles of each other and Old Navy’s equipped with Plus size sections, I found myself in heaven. Where else can you go and get a sweater, pair of jeans and a shirt for 13 dollars. Its no wonder people are always looking for ways to spend money out there. Shopping is the thing to do and I have be honest and say that I have forgotten how much I miss it. If I want to holler at old navy it’s a B.A.R.T. ride away and of course that means I have to take a trip to Sephora to stock up on that good Carol’s Daughter while I’m out there. (Hahaha! Shout out to my Rose who mildly judged me for my CD references...LOL!!! sorry, I digress). I guess for my wallet and my mental health its better to have to travel to San Fran just to go shopping, but it would be nice to have all of my shopping need conveniently located. I’m just saying.

            Football: I have been quite for the past few weeks about College football and there has been some question about my loyalty, so let me set the record straight. I love my Golden Bears as much now as I always have and nothing will change that. I am irriatated that $C won this weekend, but I have to say that I will take tremendous pleasure and joy in watching them get obliterated by Ohio State...the season will be worth it then. I also have to speak to all of you Non-Pac-10 people out there. Let me just clarify a few things for you. There is a lot of talk about how we (meaning Cal) should support $C making it so far and doing so well so that the Pac-10 can be represented in the big bowl games. That’s all nice and in a perfect world that would probably be true. However, in the real world, those of us who are actually students and alumni of the Pac-10 need to make it clear that we are all a bunch of haters. We don’t care about other teams and how they do, unless they are losing to us. You best believe that $C is not sitting back hoping that Cal wins its bowl game. They are not thinking about us. And please believe that our boys are not sitting around hoping that $C wins the national title. We all hope they lose just because we don’t like them. Its all a friendly rivalry, but there is no real love or support there, so please stop talking about it. Until you have been brain washed by your institution, you will never fully understand what it means to yell out Go Bears...it means Go Bears and Forget everybody else! This is Bear territory and everyone else can just float on...

 

Thanks for listening to my tirades of the day...see ya tomorrow!
Peace!
B

 

Posted by Brandelyn at 05:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

            I’m scared...

So I have to share this with you guys because this is the tomfoolery that only happens to me!! LOL!!!

So, the other day, on a Saturday to be exact, I was walking home from a very inspiring talk by Alice Walker, and no I didn’t introduce myself to her afterward like I could have because yes I punked out again, for those of you who were curious. ANYWHO....I walking home and I see a man across the street who is waving his arms in the air and yelling something. I look at the gentleman and see that it is a friend of mine from school. So I yell, “HEY!” back and pause from my walking to wait for him to cross the street. The young man runs into the street, which is a very busy main street I’d like to add for the record, and he is almost hit by a truck. As he approaches I realize that this person is not actually my friend from school, Hey my glasses can only do so much for my terrible vision...but rather some man who feels that it is appropriate to yell at some woman he doesn’t know from across the street and almost get killed in the process of getting to her. So I’m concerned. SO he approaches, removes the hood from his sweatshirt, puts out his black and mild cigarette and looks at me...um...yeah...

Finally he speaks...

“How you doing beautiful,”

“I’m fine how are you?”

At this point he proceeds to enter my personal space and attempts to give me a hug.

Whoa...hold on homie...i don’t know you...so I take a step back..

“Oh what’s up... I can’t get a hug...”

 I suppose it was the blank look on my face that prompted him to move forward....

“So I’m sayin, what are you about to do?”

“Oh I’m on my way home.” (STUPID, minus 2 points)

“Oh for real, can I spend some time with you?
“Uh, no, I have a lot of work to do.”

“Oh for real, would I be a distraction?”

“Yes.”

“Oh for real. I just want to be around you, you won’t even know I’m there...”

Insert Blank look here...

“Well I’m sayin’ do you have a number I can call you. I live right down the street, so we can get together all the time...”

“Oh well, I don’t live around here, I’m on my way to my cousin’s house and then I’m going home... (Good save B, +2 Points)

“Well can I get your number then?”

“Why don’t you give me your number...”

“Well I don’t really have a phone right now, I was going to call you from the payphone when I got that chance.”

Hmmm...

“You know, I’m not really interested in dating right now, but you have a good day okay?”

“Alright beautiful. I’ll let you go.”

So in most people’s lives, that would be the end of the story , but oh no, This is Brandelyn we’re talking about....

This morning I was in a coffee shop working when suddenly the extra chair at my table is pulled out. I look up and see the same dude sitting in the chair looking at me. I have to be honest and say that I had to think for a second to place his face but once I figured it out...I was not amused.
“How you doing Beautiful.”

Um....

“Oh are you working.”

Um...

“Am I distracting you?”

“Yes.”

“Would it bother you if I just sat here and looked at you.”

“YES”

“Are you sure you don’t have a phone number?”

“Yes”

He continued to look at me...

“Um, I’m really busy and on a deadline and yes you are distracting me, so it was nice seeing you. Goodbye...”

“SO you’re not into dating right now?”

“Nope.”

“You’re trying to get things in your life together?”

“Sure.”

“Well you know you can’t do it alone. Its not fun doing it alone.”

“Well, I’m having fun and I’m not interested. Goodbye.”

“Alright, I’ll let you get back to work then. But We’ll talk again. Just remember, I don’t give up easily.”

And then he left...Um...I’m scared...

Peace Y’all...

Posted by Brandelyn at 03:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

I’m just sayin’ Volume 8...

 

Of course I have to start this blog with the discussion of the demise of U$C. Oh I am so excited they lost, I can’t even tell you!! I know a lot of Cal fans out there wanted us to be the ones to break their winning streak, but let’s put this into perspective. U$C still would have looked like a good team if they had managed to beat everyone else and lost to us, and they still would have stayed pretty high in the rankings... But now they are exposed for the terrible team they truly are because they lost to the completely unranked Oregon State Beavers, the same team the Golden Bears smashed 42 to 13. I am not mad that they lost. I am not mad that we weren’t the team to break their streak. And I love even more that the polls are starting to reflect the true ranking $C should have. All I’m sayin is GO BEARS...

 

So I have decided that when I retire, I’m retiring in Spain. And I plan to retire when I turn 35. LOL! Just kidding, but I do think I’m going to retire in Spain. Any country that has a time of day when people are encouraged to take naps, sound like just the place for me! I’m serious. I spent most of the day yesterday sprawled out on my couch and it was lovely, but, and I feel that I have grown enough to admit this, it was almost too much laziness....I know I know, these are blasphemous words coming from me, but my body was tired of just lying around, but my mind was too lazy to actually ask my body to get up, so I continued to lay. While I am enjoying being active more and more, I still miss those days when we would take naps and then wake up to a nice graham cracker and juice snack. I tell you, kids don’t know how good they have it. I know people who would pay to be able to take a nap in the middle of the day. I’m just sayin...

 

The quote of the day came from one of my favorite poets:  Ahem...

“Of course America is the richest country in the world, it was built for free...” Saul Williams

*Drops the mic

Please ladies and gentleman never doubt the words of a poet. Saul Williams is brilliant and I’d also like to add that he said this while standing amidst the ruins of New Orleans post Katrina on a nationally televised commercial... Thank you...

 

The Doing Too Much Award...This weeks Doing Too Much award goes to our good friends at MAC and more specifically our good friends at IPOD. As I was on the plane flying home, I scanned the Sky Mall magazine and happened upon IPOD’s latest invention. In celebration of the portability of the IPOD, they have created a toilet paper holder that houses an IPOD and has speakers so while you are doing your business in the bathroom, you have all the music you will need to keep you entertained. Now, I am all about listening to music in the shower and while I’m getting dressed, but something about seeing an IPOD attached to toilet paper does not read shower to me. I understand the IPOD is extremely portable, but an IPOD as a toilet paper holder? IPOD you are officially doing too much!

 

Peace Y’all and GO Bears....

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 10:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Hello all!! I am so excited to be out here in Michigan!! It’s cold, but not ignorant like I expected it to be. I'm leaving for my event in an hour and I am super amped. However, I am writing to you to tell you about my flight over here. I flew an airline called Spirit Airlines. I'd never heard of this particular airline, but the ticket was pretty cheap, so I jumped on it with two feet and a pogo stick and was on my way. A few weeks ago, I saw a commercial where a man was getting onto a plane and had to pay a quarter to recline his seat, a quarter to use the bathroom, and a quarter just to breathe on the plane. When I first saw it I thought it was hilarious until I stepped onto the airplane last night. Once we were all settled into our seat, the head flight attendant, who was hilarious by the way, got onto the intercom and made the usual announcement...

 

"Good Evening ladies and gentleman. Thank you for flying Spirit Airlines. Once the aircraft reaches a comfortable altitude we will be serving complimentary beverages. All of our sodas and juices are complimentary, and we offer complimentary water by the cup. If you are interested in the entire bottle the cost will be 2 dollars. We are also offering pillows for 2 dollars and blankets for 3. And as always we are offering a variety of snacks for 2 dollars as well. Of course you are welcome to use your bags or coats for pillows and blankets as well. Thank you and enjoy your flight."

 

There was a collective silence in the cabin as everyone attempted to swallow what she had just said. I personally was too tired to deal with any of this, so I proceeded to take my heavy wool coat and lay it across myself while leaving enough space for the top part of the coat to become a makeshift pillow. Within moments I was out and did not even get a chance to see what the "variety" of snacks were that were being sold for two dollars.

 

What seemed like moments later (in real time it was about three hours...I told y'all I was tired...) I was suddenly awakened as every single light in the cabin turned on. The light was so bright and blinding; I didn't know what was going on. I immediately looked outside of the window to see of some sort of mountain formation or river was rapidly approaching, because why on earth would someone do something like that. Just as suddenly as before, the lights turned off and a voice crackled over the intercom...

 

"My bad ladies and gentleman. I was trying to turn on the light so I could read my magazine and wound up hitting the wrong button. Y'all go on back to sleep."

 

What...

 

The sudden flash of light and loudness of the intercom sent the unusually large number of babies on the flight to start a collective wail, once again causing the entire cabin to let out a collective sigh. Of course it was at that moment that the man next to me felt that it was okay to turn my shoulder into a pillow as his Ipod kept playing the same Green Day song over and over again. I slid over and let his head fall with a sudden jerk motion so he finally rolled his head over to his own seat and kept it pushing. I re-situated my jacket and was just about to force myself back to sleep and away from the sound of babies crying and the heading I felt begin to creep up from behind my ears, when I looked out of the window and was stunned by the sight of all of the stars. I could literally see them all. The big dipper, Orion's Belt, LaTisha's suitcase, and it was in that moment that I felt a smile cross my lips and I closed my eyes and went to sleep and I didn't wake up again until we landed. Of course, I was thinking that everything would be smooth from there, but we were all stuck on the plane for an extra 20 minutes waiting for the gateway operator to get to work. ...

 

Right. Like I said, not the spirit! LOL!!! But I'm here! It’s not as cold as I thought it was going to be and erthang is erthang! Peace Y'all!!

 

B

 

 

 

Posted by Brandelyn at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

In preparation for big trip to Michigan I headed over to the local nail shop to get my manicure, pedicure and eyebrow treatment. I decided to throw my upper lip in there just to make sure that all the necessary parts were hair free. So, I headed over there and got my little manicure, and was already feeling a little better. This whole Man look I’ve been rocking for the past few weeks has not been the business, but I've been so busy working I haven't had time for maintenance. But I digress. So the woman who was doing my Manicure had an appointment show up, so while I waited I decided to try something new and get my eyebrows threaded...

...

 

...

 

I slide into the reclined leather chair and put my feet up onto the foot rest. I take off my glasses and recline, pleasantly surprised by the comfort of the chair. The woman approaches me with the thread dangling out of her mouth and leans over me. All of sudden the thread touches my face and the most awful sound touches my ears as the hair surrounding my brows are ripped out of place in neat little lines. I have never in my life experienced anything like that. I mean really who knew a little piece of thread could cause someone to contemplate their entire life?!! Oh my gosh...The sound wasn’t even the worst part. After what seemed like 20 minutes, she tells me to stretch out my brow, so I have to place one hand over my eye and the other above my eyebrow and pull so she can get a better view of my probably bleeding eyebrow. The zipping sound continued as tears flooded from my eye and washed away the newly released hairs that were resting on my cheeks. And then she moved on to the other brow. In my heart and soul I was truly tempted to tell her that one was good enough, but when I opened my eyes, cleared the tears away and was finally able to find my focus, I saw that the contrast was way too different, so I was forced to suffer through another 20 minute torture session to even out the brows...and then she moved to the lip...OH MY GOSH...if you thought I was tearing up with the eyebrows...it was Niagara falls when she got to my lip. Suddenly that old and decidedly quite potent bottle of Nair in my medicine cabinet was not looking too bad. I mean sure, it had a tendency to burn my face a little, but that heals eventually. I was now emotionally scarred for life and knew that I would wake up in the middle of night in a cold sweat after I dreamed about little spools of thread surrounding me and chasing me down the street. This was not okay. After she finished zipping my face free of hair, she handed me a little hand mirror and I promise, I could not get my eyes to focus on anything. Tears continued to free fall from my eyes and I didn’t even bother trying to wipe them up. There was no point. I doubt that I will ever have to worry about getting this procedure again because my hair is probably too afraid to grow again now...that mess is not the business... Don’t people believe in waxing anymore?! I need to do my research and find a good old fashioned waxer in my area...I fear I will cringe from now on at the sight of thread...I guess it’s a good thing I can’t sew....

Peace Y’all...

 

B

 

 

Posted by Brandelyn at 12:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

I’m just sayin’ Volume 7...

 

1979 was a good year...While pouring over this months issue of Essence Magazine while overindulging in grapes and SportsCenter; I learned that two of my favorite artists are the same age as me...Corrine Bailey Rae and John Legend. They are both 27, holding it down and I love it! Upon further research, I found that most of my favorite artist were born in the 70’s and make success look so good...so for all you 80’s babies who want to talk smack about us, well me, being old...Let’s just look at all of the Grammy winners (John Legend, Jill Scott, India Arie, to name a few...) and future Pulitzer Prize winners (me) who are holding it down...thank you....

 

The University of California Football Team...The weather was great, a nice and toasty 80 degrees, the student section was packed with a sea of blue and gold and my Golden Bears came Roaring onto the field ready to blow out UDUB.... well...not quite but at least we won and we are still ranked number 10 nationally in the BCS poll...however, the Tomfoolery award goes to Marshawn Money Lynch for the “Commandeering” of the cart and the “ghost riding of the whip” across the field to celebrate the victory. The Astroturf will have tire tracks for quite a while, commemorating the event, but man that was the funniest thing I’ve seen in quite some time...Marshawn let us know that no matter “Who’s Domicile” it is...Oakland is always in the Building....touché Marshawn...Touché...   

 

The Laundry Mat... This weekend I found myself at the Laundry Mat for the first time since I used to sit on my mothers lap. It was actually very interesting because, as it was Berkeley, there were a slew of interesting characters simply minding their own business. There was the woman with the green felt short set, that reminded me of something a Christmas elf or a leprechaun would wear and hot pink knit hat with the bobble on top sitting inside of the basket and rolling herself around by pulling on the tables and machines as she passed by. When the man who ran the place told her to get out, she told him that the snakes were going to get her if she got out and that she was almost finished so just leave her alone or else she will force the snakes to get him....I think the best part was watching her unload the laundry onto her lap and then watching her roll herself back over to the table so she could fold her clothes. Just another ordinary day in Berkeley. Of course there were the typical college students who sitting on the awkwardly angled benches busily typing away at their laptops and pouring over their biology books. The only real problem I had was the asian student who approached me and accused me of stealing his backpack. His excuse was that “I was sitting next to you...” my reply after I gave him my famous blank stare that always makes people feel stupid was “I have not seen your backpack, but I did see you leave and go outside, perhaps you should not have left your backpack unattended” he then demanded to look inside of my basket...I looked down at my basket which was mostly empty sans my laundry bag and the Gayle Jones book I was hoping to get to read, looked back at him and told him to go ahead....of course he knew he was wrong and unless I threw his back pack in one of the washing machines that I didn’t have it. Why is it that every time I go to church and hear a good word, somebody always wants to try and make me go to jail...I’m just sayin... Other than that, I had a good time at the Laundry mat...I was in and out in 2 hours flat, I got some free candy and was able to check that off of my things to do list for the day....

 

 

And now for the first annual “Doing Too Much award”: This award goes to the Automobile Industry. I saw a commercial for the new Lexus that parallel parks itself for you, literally, the car maneuvers the wheel and fits itself into the parking spot while you sit there with your hand in the air and waving them like you just don’t care... At first the concept sounds interesting but upon further thought, this is kind of scary. First they invented this On Star system that follows you where ever you go, under the guise that they will help you out in times of trouble. But really, it’s just another way for the government to track us. It has been my experience that a cell phone and a triple A card will do the exact same thing without a satellite following my every move. And if that isn’t bad enough, now we have cars that drive themselves? What happens if that function breaks down, which all cars eventually do and your car decides it wants to make a left turn when you’re trying to go right?  Has anyone seen the movie Christine?!!! What kind of super crazy microchip does your car have that enables it to park itself?!!! That is just crazy! Next thing you know we’re going to wake up with a government official asleep on our couch and following us around because it’s just easier that way. And while that would create more jobs...I’m going to go ahead and veto that idea... They are tracking us...they’re probably reading this blog right now...(shout out to Big Brother...what it do?!!) I’m just saying. Things are getting less and less confidential and this is only the beginning. You know they started putting identifying microchips in animals...who do you think is next?

 

I’m Just Sayin....

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 10:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Not always profound, I’m just sayin...volume 6

Searching for something profound to say day after day is a rather daunting task. Sometimes, like yesterday, I’ll sit at my lap top and just sit at my lap top. I’ll try and string a few random thoughts together, but if I am not satisfied with what is coming from my fingertips, I’ll just scrap the whole idea and save the poor file in my unfinished writings folder and forget about it. There are times when I will hear something, a song, or a line and it will spark my pen into motion, but just sitting here and coming up with something on the top of my head is hard.

             Of course at any given time I have millions of random thoughts running through my head. For example, what is the point of a bumper sticker? Berkeley is known for its political prowess, so it is really nothing to see a car literally covered in “Impeach Bush” and “The only Bush I trust is my own” bumper stickers, and while some of these stickers are relevant and funny, the lifespan of a bumper sticker is usually through a particular event and then they become irrelevant. And then you can’t take them off because they are stuck to your cars paint job. I’m all about making a statement and being political and all that, but um... I am not interested in looking at my car five years from now and thinking about Bush, who won’t even be the president anymore. I’m just sayin.

            I also think about how instant the transition is from being a driver to a pedestrian. I could be driving down the street and not even feel bad when I almost hit someone who just steps out into the street as though they are a car with bumpers. Or a bicyclist who needs to understand that he or she is not a car either and should not take up the entire line as though they are one as well. I will just keep right on driving, daring them to test me and keep it moving. But the second I step out of that car, I will step my black ass right out onto the curb wishing a car would be bold enough to try to hit me... I don’t play that; I have the right of way. It’s really funny because the transition is so smooth.

            Or where do certain words come from. Names of certain companies like Pepsi or Kleenex or Nabisco. These are not words that are readily in the English language and therefore translate into every country these products are sold. I guess that makes it easy when you travel to Japan or Pakistan and you want a cracker and a soda, there is no guessing. No room for mistakes. These made up words make life easier for everyone, no matter what continent you’re on. Whoever came up with these made up words is a genius. I’m just saying.

            And another thing, how is it that all of these homeless people have the resources to have pets. I saw this man with the cutest puppies I have ever seen and he had them outside the coffee shop I was working in and came inside to get some of the free water they offered so he could give it to his puppies. Now from what I understand, pets are expensive. I’ve had a dog and a goldfish or two in my day and my mom made me get a job in order to pay for them. Why else do you think I was six years old with job? Seriously, I was about foot tall, standing on a step stool washing dishes because I had responsibilities to pay for. So how is it that they have multiple pets, really cute ones too and can manage to care for these pets? I’m just sayin.

           

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 01:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

            I had a realization last night. I realized that I may indeed be a little over the top with my Cal Football fanaticism. As I checked my schedule, and began organizing my life for the next month and half, I realized that I had the worst conflict ever. On the very day that Cal is scheduled to SMASH SC, (I would bang on them harder, but I have some very good friends who are in grad school there and I love them so I will refrain...but we all know my REAL feelings....) I am scheduled to speak at a book club in Oakland who has so graciously offered to read my book for their book of the month. Now, it is an incredible honor to have a book club read your book and want you to come to them and take part in the festivities, and I am honored...but this is the game of the year...I’d love to be there to see SC have their whole dignity handed to them in the form of a giant Golden Bear paw. It was upon examination of my distress and, since we are all family here, I can be honest and say anger that I realized that I am indeed over the top when it comes to Cal Football.

            I mean honestly, the phone calls at 1am to my Rose, waking her up to let her know that the new Rankings were out, should have been a sign. Or maybe it was the time that Nana almost got put out of the house for talking smack during a Football game last season should have been a good sign. Or maybe it was the time I had my cell phone in hand, checking the score of the game, while doing a major presentation for my job, that should have let me FURTHER know that I am completely out of line when it comes to Cal Football. But when I get angry and upset that I can’t go to a game that I could just as well watch on TV because I am scheduled to make an appearance, I know that I have taken it too far.

            Please don’t get me wrong, I am totally excited about this opportunity and all of the other big things that are going on with my writing career, but as excited as I am, I am equally hurt because I had a hook up for tickets and everything...I would love to be there to witness SC go home with their tails tucked in between their legs because they didn’t even see it coming. To be able to talk SMACK while being completely decked out in my Blue and Gold Alumni ‘nalia would bring so much joy to my life. But I am going to suck it up, have my cell phone on my lap during the book club (hey I can only be me) and know without a doubt that my ROSE will hold it down for me while I’m handling mine! Next year though...oh I will have that date set in stone and schedule all appearances around it...Man...Rose...hold it down for me Rose...

 

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

            A Brand new wish...    A few weeks ago, I talked about wishes and how I wished for more time in the day and whatever...but now, I have a whole new wish. I wish that people came with labels. Seriously, when you meet someone you immediately see the surface craziness and steer clear of them before it’s too late. Think of how much easier life would be if a big “Crazy and Deranged” sign hung over that man’s head at the club, letting you know to steer clear, or if you are into that kind of thing, let the crazy people mesh together in harmony and let those of us who are not partial to that particular lifestyle mesh together in harmony. See how easy that is. And I say let all of the surface issues be present because if you knew everything up front, it wouldn’t be any fun getting to know each other. But if you knew off the bat that he was crazy or at least had crazy tendencies, we wouldn’t have to worry about changing phone numbers or blocking emails or going through any other cautionary steps in an effort to flush crazy out of our lives. I’m just saying.

 

Robin Thicke...Now, when I first heard his single with Pharrell, I wasn’t impressed. It was extremely repetitive and just boring. The beat wasn’t even that tight. And of course, when you couple all of this with the video with naked women running around on the beach, yeah...not so much...even the song he did with Lil’ Wayne did not impress me. But his new song...Lost without you...got me so hard, I went out and immediately bought the CD and let me say that it is GREAT!!! I am officially a fan. And because it just came out, it’s on sale, so please holler at it! 9.99...you can’t beat that with a stick.

 

Freedom: There is such an amazing freedom in being young. I love that we can make decisions, and make mistakes and completely change our lives around on a whim and learn from them, and still have the time, energy and capabilities to fix things if they go wrong. Case in point, my move to New York. I dropped everything, literally and moved completely across the country to a foreign land, no job, no money and a rented room in an apartment with a crazy person. I mean think about it, when in your life are you going to have that kind of freedom? When in life are you able to just pick up and move, then quit the job I did manage to get a week before I hightailed it back to the bay. Again, I ask, when again will I have the chance to just live my life like its Golden? I feel like if I were to do something drastic, or move, or cut all my hair off, or whatever, it’s cool because I’m young enough to fix things if they go completely to the left! I love it!

 

 

. Last night, I was on the phone and this person asked me what I’m working on as far as writing and all that, and for the first time I answered honestly and said nothing. I’m not working on anything. I’m reading a lot, blogging a lot, journaling a lot, but I’m actually not working on my novel, I haven’t written a new poem in months and for the first time I’m cool with that. It feels good to say that, and I know I need to enjoy this lull because as I get deeper into my career, these moments will few and far between. So, no, I’m now working on anything, I don’t know when the new novel will be done, and for the first time I’m not worried about it.

 

Cars: So, I am getting ready to buy my first car and I had no idea how much research goes into this process. Right now, I’m going through the whole Kelly Blue book and car fax research phase, but dang! I thought you just went to the dealership, pointed to a car you liked, signed on the dotted line and life was great. But no, not so much, not the case. It is exciting though. It’s been quite a while since I have owned a car, *moment of silence for Andy the Audi...but I am ready to move into this new phase of my life. I’m excited!

 

Quotes...I’m going to end this blog with a quote. Last night, someone expressed an opinion of me that really hurt my feelings. Of course I had to truly evaluate where this comment was coming from, but as a symbol to myself, letting me know that I am not going to dwell on this person or their opinion of me any longer, I am going to quote Madea and say :It ain’t what they call you, its what you answer too...”

 

Amen...

 

 

Peace Y’all!

Posted by Brandelyn at 11:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Perhaps I have been reading too much Boondocks lately, but I would like to present, for your approval, or whatever, my first ever conspiracy theory...

 

Health and the Black community.

            The other day, I posted a blog about my run in with the personal trainer, and my 04 Veronica sent me an email ranting and raving about the injustice of the entire situation and it really got me to thinking. Here is a sample of her thoughts: “the whole fitness world is aimed at white ppl... who has 1700 extra dollars to pay someone else to work out??? 300 dollars up front?!!! even her baller on a budget hook up is too much...!!! I hate that everything these days are for the privileged... you want to lose weight feel great, pay 1700!??!? that is bullshit! Pay a personal trainer; buy a nutritionist, only 1 million dollars!?!?! whatever!!!!???
I'm glad you have someone to help you out........ the system is corrupt, it is a conspiracy!!! keep blacks and browns unhealthy.... and keep whites looking great.... it shouldn't take so much money to be healthy! that sound like paying $10 for a bottle of tap water... just down right stupid!? “

 

 

Now, I live and work in the city of Berkeley. As a whole, the city is by means a privileged area, but Berkeley can be considered a pretty mixed city, but personally, I am leaning toward a more white city then anything else. Of course this does not include the student population who are for the most part temporary residents, and then there is Oakland, which is much intermixed, but I am talking about the home owners and tax payers of the city, Berkeley is pretty white. In the city of Berkeley, and I am strictly talking borders, there are let’s say 14 types of fast food restaurants and In the city of Oakland, there are14 types of fast food restaurants. The fast food in Berkeley consists of restaurants the feature organic meals, fast Thai food, fast Indian food, sandwiches, fresh fruit smoothies, and One Jack in the box, one Popeye’s (that the neighborhood is trying to shut down for the record,), a Taco Bell that was shut down and replaced with a Thai Noodle place, and one McDonalds...(Yes one if you can believe it...), whereas in the city of Oakland, fast food consists over 15 McDonalds Restaurants, 7 Taco Bells, 8 Burger Kings, 5 Jack in the Boxes and the list just goes on. In Berkeley, the grocery stores consist of 2 Safeway’s, a whole Foods, Berkeley Bowl, which is totally organic, healthy and ignorantly expensive, where as Oakland, has a Pack and Save, and Safeway. When you Google Oakland and Grocery stores, more Liquor stores come up then groceries, so I ask you what is the message? I agree with my 04. Health and Fitness is geared toward privileged people. Even the advertisements for these fast food places are geared toward the more urban crowd. If I see one more white boy with a hat turned back and sagging rapping about a McDonalds hamburger, I’m going to throw something! I know for a fact that the city of Berkeley has made a conscious effort to eliminate fast food, but I firmly believe that even if that effort had not been made, there still would not be an overrunning of fast food restaurants in this city. People say that Black folks just don’t like to eat healthy. I don’t believe that is the case. I feel that with all of the health problems that plague the black family, if Black folks were given the same opportunities and conveniences to eat healthy, they would take it. If the healthier options were just as affordable as the not so healthy options, I believe that Black folks would take the former. Think about it, if I have 50 dollars to buy groceries for my family for the week, and I know that I go to Whole Foods, 25 of that will go to the entrance fee, and the other 25 will buy me a box of organic cereal and an orange, but if I take that same 50 dollars to pack n save, I can get all of the sugar puffs, frozen French fries, and hamburger meat we will need to make it until the next check. Okay slight exaggeration, but you get my drift. If personal trainers were included in the gym memberships, I firmly believe that there would be a huge change in the issue of Black health.

Thus, my theory is that they are trying to kill us off. Of course, Black and Brown folks, you can have all of the dollar menus you can stand, because we want to make sure you save your money and still get to eat. You can walk down the cookie and chip aisle at your grocery store and see all of your favorite brands two for one, but the one bag of whole wheat pasta is almost 5 dollars. But whole wheat pasta? You don’t want to eat that anyway, so just focus on the processed, frozen treats that will get you through the hard times, and maybe you can throw some orange juice in the mix that is 90 percent sugar and 10 percent juice, and frozen French fries so that your kids will get all of the fruits and vegetables they need. And of course, we know that health is an issue, so if you need to eat out, we are offering plenty of salad options, and don’t worry about the fact that there are 1000 grams of sodium in it, just drink up on that bottle of water and you’ll be fine! Don’t even worry about it. And to let you know who cool it is, we will create advertisements that will let you know just how cool Black and Brown people will be if they eat our food. If you walk for 20 minutes a couple of times a week, and keep eating our salads, you’ll be able to drop the weight in no time.

 

As a people we need to start taking more responsibility for ourselves. In my family alone, I have obesity, high blood pressure, breast cancer, diabetes, the list goes on, and it’s not pretty. I am making an effort to make changes in my life because it is necessary. Health wise, I’m great, but for how long. I haven’t had fast food in a long time, mostly because it grosses me out, but mainly because it is terrible for you. Look at the numbers, and “nutritional’ information of the food you’re eating. Check the facts, and it’s pretty scary. We say that its economics, and on one level, it is, but we really need to start making an effort to change the game. We can be united on so many different issues, but why not our health? Yes, health and fitness is geared toward the privileged but what can we do to make it fit our budget? There are plenty of places to walk to get exercise. Take the stairs instead of the elevator, drink water instead of soda, eat grapes instead of ice cream, little things. With AIDS killing us, us killing us, and lack of concern for our health, I’m afraid of where Black America will be in the coming years. Its time to stop making excuses and start making choices. Who’s with me?

Posted by Brandelyn at 12:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

 So, yesterday I went to the gym for my consultation with a personal trainer. I was excited because I figured that she would hook me up with some exercise tips that I could use. So, I go in, and she takes me down stairs to the office. She starts talking to me about meal plans, she pulls out the little pinchy thing to measure my body fat, which wasn’t as bad as I thought, thank you very much, and tells me how much weight I need to lose to get to the certain body fat percentage, etc. So I’m getting excited. She takes me to the little stair master machine and has me do it for 5 minutes, and please let me tell you, I felt like I had just done a FULL work out. It was crazy. So I’m really getting amped now. Then she takes me to the bike and gives me this little stretchy thing that will allow me to do resistance training while I am on the bike, and I’m just sweatin’, getting my work out ON! So we finish that and we go back down to the office, I’m sweating like I had just been lifting for 45 minutes and just as a side note, it is amazing how effective doing the correct exercise is. I felt like I’d just WORKED IT OUT, and I’d only been working out for 15 minutes, I’m just sayin! So anyway, we’re back down in the office and she calculates and tells me that it will take 13 weeks to reach my goal of losing 33 pounds. That doesn’t sound too bad, so I’m with it. SO then she pulls out this notebook and says...

            “Okay, so to work out with me for 30 sessions, it will be 1500 dollars.”

            What...

            “So, yeah, you would just put down half now...”

            Half of 1500 is 750...750= rent...again I say...what...

            “And then pay the balance off later...”

            I suppose it was the blank look on my face that prompted her to move on to the next lowest price point.

            “Um...okay, so we have the 10 workout session for 700 dollars...”

            I suppose it was the blank look on my face that prompted her to move on to the next lowest price point.

            “Um...okay, um...just between us, if you want to do the five sessions, you can pay 300 hundred dollars, but you would need to pay all of that up front...”        

            300= Groceries for 4 months, or a months worth of bills, or 25 copies of my book including shipping and handling, or basically, too much damn money for me to even think about spending to come work out in a gym that I already pay 45 dollars a month just to be able to walk into...

            I suppose it was the anger on my face that prompted her to close the book and turn and look at me...

            “So, I want to meet with you tomorrow. So Call me and leave me a message and let me know what time you can meet. Also, I want to get your membership card and hold on to it until you sign up for the personal training.”

            What?! Clearly she doesn’t know me. First of all...let me say that there were several explicit words that wanted to run through my head, but lucky for her I am saved...so we will skip that portion of the blog. Thank you.

            So in that moment, I got up and proceeded to walk back into the gym, hop on the pre-core machine and work out like I had planned to before I had just wasted an hour of my evening. But I did get some tips from her, I do have a goal now, and coincidentally, I found out that one of my co-workers has taken several classes on nutrition and has offered to help me create a meal plan...thanks to the sheet home girl gave me at the gym...so it turns out it wasn’t a total waste of time. Well hers maybe....Take that Take that...bad boy baby...world wide...

 

Peace Y’all

Posted by Brandelyn at 03:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A few thoughts:

 

Music is a necessary evil: As I sit here, as I have been for the past I’d rather not say how long playing spider solitaire and waiting for my computer to defragment, I realize that music is indeed a necessary evil. As a connoisseur of music, it is unnecessary to say that I have a lot of music files on my lap top. Most of them are CD’s that I have ripped onto my hard drive via Media Player, but whatever. The point is, that this process which is now currently, 36% complete, probably would have been finished a long time ago had I not had all of these files. But to be honest, I probably would not be sitting here defragmenting that dag nab thing if my computer hadn’t kept freezing every time I tried to burn a CD. So I suppose some good did come from this...I suppose...37% done

 

Ice Cream: Just as a general rule, if you live in Antarctica, or my apartment, which happens to be the Continental US version of the afore mentioned country, it is probably not wise to be sitting on the floor of your living room, in your drawers, eating ice cream with no socks on. Just a thought....39% done

 

Beyonce: Now, I am the first to admit that I am not the biggest fan of Beyonce. Let me be real and say that I do give her plenty of snaps for her vocal abilities...I mean let’s be honest, the girl can sing the wings off of a fly, but I am a fan of the understated artist. Between the CD’s, the videos, the performances, the movies, the commercials, the advertisements...come on blood, we get it! You’re beautiful and talented...point taken...now please go take a vacation so we can ALL have a break!!!! ...wait...my A.D.D. just kicked in...what was I saying....oh yeah...I recently acquired B’ Day from a reliable source, (I will not mention names as my attorney is reading this...=)) But I have to be honest and say that I love this CD. I am sure that it has a lot to do with the overall sassy place I am in my life (shout out to Dom Diddy) but, with songs like Freakum dress, upgrade u and the slightly scary in approach, but very real to life Ring the alarm, really how can you go wrong? I can actually listen to this entire album start to finish and really feel it. So, I officially have one un-pedicured (sorry Mom, it’s been a while, stop cringing) toe on the Beyonce Bandwagon...43% done

 

Dancing: I had a moment today when I flashed back to my childhood. Those good old days when we used to spend hours upon hours making up dance routines, using our tape decks to rewind to that perfect spot to start over. I missed those days. So, today, when I got home from work, I stripped down to my drawers, downloaded Beyonce and Danity Kane (another great album...Heartbreaker is my new anthem) onto my Mp3 player and got my dance ON! Can I please just tell you how liberating it was!!! I felt my whole life come together in that moment and Yes! I’ll do it again. I’m a little tuckered out right now, but dag nab it, you wait until I get my second wind and it is on!!  46% done

 

Cooking: I have been experimenting in the kitchen lately and I have to tell you, it has been oodles of fun! * I just thought of a really cheesy joke, but I’ll let it burn...DANGIT! I just thought of another...moving on... I could spend hours watching the Food Network getting ideas for my next culinary endeavor. This past week alone I have created some fantastic chicken empenadadas, a fabulous chicken sausage pizza on whole wheat crust of course. I have been experimenting with my new favorite thing in the world, polenta, and I came up with a wonderful creation which I like to call a Chocolate cookie cake...Okay, I got the recipe off the back of the cookie dough bag, but I switched it up by adding vanilla to it, thank you! Of course, I live alone, so I can’t too crazy in the kitchen, but I have to say that it has been a lot of fun. 50% done whew hew! Half way done!

 

Spider Solitaire: Is it ironic at all that for someone who is terribly afraid of spiders, that I think Spider Solitaire is one of THE GREATEST GAMES EVER! Yes, that’s right I said it! I love this game. It is such a time killer and so satisfying! I mean really what other game in the world is going to shoot off fireworks at the end when you win a game! I mean come on! Who needs more validation than that?! I’m just sayin!!! 50% still...um... No Tan Mu...(the abbreviation of No Tanto Mucho for those not in the know)

 

I suppose that’s it for now...I’ve killed about 20 minutes writing this little blurb and yes, we are still on 50 percent. It is slowly and surely approaching my bed time...Dino (My computer) needs to go on ahead and get on the good foot and do the damn thing...I’m ret to get in the shower and go to bed...it is time....Isn’t the Lion King a great movie!!!

Peace Y’all

*for the record, after all of that...Dino still froze when I tried to burn a cd....

*drops the mic...

Posted by Brandelyn at 08:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Vegas Diaries

            Sunday August 27, 2006

            We just arrived in Vegas and so far things are cool, and I mean that very figuratively. We can’t check into our hotel until noon, which is a drag, but we came over to the convention center early to set the booth up. We dropped our luggage off at the hotel and one of the guys had the brilliant idea to walk over to the convention center. We made it as far as the parking lot before we hopped our black asses in a cab and acted like we had some sense. So we arrived at the Las Vegas Convention Center and as soon as we stepped inside, there was an immediate sense of electricity. I’m excited! Its crazy walking in here because some of the booths are crazy!!! There are lights and cameras and some booths are set up to look like mini studios or apartments, equipped with two floors, featuring plush couches, lounges and bar areas where their clients can view their new products in style. The Phat Farm booth has lofts and couches and all kinds of tomfoolery, of course I could only get a slight glance at what was going on because it is an huge enclosed booth with armed security and guard dogs blocking the entrance (slight exaggeration), but what I could see through the windows was tight!  Its madness! The cold part about it is that regular ol’ people like me can’t even go inside. You have to have an appointment and a special badge to even walk past the dag nab things! It’s crazy!!! But the cool part is that I am super proud of Lee and Ragamuffin clothing for being right here, directly in the middle of all this, literally, running with the big boys. That is tight! The area is so big, I don’t even think I can make it all the way around it. I’d get lost! But I am really excited to be here! I will even more excited to check into the hotel, throw on a skirt and wife beater and see what Vegas has to offer. Oh and of course, as with any experience in my life, Tom to the J is in the building. I was sitting here at the booth, admiring my creative handiwork, when this random white dude tells me to smile. Me being the well raised, uber-polite person I am smile and say hello. This turns into a twenty minute monologue on his part about how he doesn’t work for money, he works for fun, then it turns into him being from New York and being able to handle himself in any neighborhood because he just looks like he can fight, so he’s cool. And then he proceeds to say “Its just about knowing how to handle yourself and be smart. You can’t walk into Harlem and, excuse my language, call someone a Nigger and not expect a reaction...” Whoa...And now Ladies and gentleman, My response, ahem:  “Sir, it is not okay to use that term in front of a Black person for the purpose of proving a worthless point, especially, since it is clear that you get some sort of cheap thrill every time you use it and manage not to get a royal beat down, so today, because I’m in a good mood, I’ll let this one slide, but you need to leave this booth now before I get upset.” He promptly did an about-face and kept it moving. NEVER!!!!!  People are getting real comfortable now days...if I’d said it once, I’ve said it a million times, “LEARN YOUR LIMITATIONS!!!” Anyway, the heat of this convention center (the air is will be on tomorrow...Praise God!!) combined with the heat of this computer is making it a bit unbearable, but I’ll be back if anything exciting happens!

1. CHecking into the hotel...I almost went to jail

   a. the woman who worked there coming at me crazy because of a mix up with the reservations and telling me that perhaps I should learn to handle my business better and make my own reservations....* yes she did

    b. Having to pay an 'energy bill' for the hotel...*yes a Hotel PG&E bill...never in my life...

    c. going to my room and it has not been cleaned from the previous guests and having to wait 4 hours for it get cleaned and THEN having to MAKE the housekeeper change the sheets and towels because she did not believe that I was a new guest... right....

 

 

LET THE TOMFOOLERY BEGIN!!!!

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 11:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

If you read my blog yesterday, I'm sure that you can gage that yesterday was a bad day. It all started when the cap to my brand new bottle of CD oil fell into my bathroom sink and subsequently blocked any water from going down the drain. I spent a good chunk of my morning trying to get it out to no avail. Unfortunately, it started a whole series of irritating events, however, God is faithful and when I asked for a better ending to my day, oh He gave it to me.

It all started with a phone call to my Rose. Once I got through the whining part of my day, she made a very simple suggestion; why not melt the cap down, so it will give me some room to get it out of the drain. In my mind, there was not a more brilliant solution to my problem. So I went home, changed into my favorite house dress, too off my earrings and stood in front of my bathroom sink. As I stood there, my mind began scanning my inventory of things to burn to melt the cap. Now as a side note, i have to say, that I was more than thrilled with the task at hand. I have always had slightly Pyro tendencies, tendencies that were curbed after the unfortunate incident of '85. But that is another story all together. ANyway, My first attempt to melt came with a stick if incense. I figured it would catch on fire and was long enough to get down in there and get to melting. I tried it, it caught on fire, but there was too much water down there, and thus, the flame went right out. So I figured I needed something a bit more substantial, so I tore apart the packaging from a tube of toothpaste and set it on fire. Unfortunately, the packaging was made mostly of plastic, so instead of catching on fire, it just melted. Fun to watch, but not useful right now. At this point I am standing in my hallway, trying to figure out what else I can use, when my eyes fall on my brand new box of tampons! BRILLIANT! I grab one and tear away the wrapper, and there in my hand is the answer to all of my problems. I light the tip on fire and nice little flame ensues. I stick it into the drain and it melts a little, but again, there is a little pocket of water that keeps putting out my flames. But wait! The tampon is rather absorbent, and does a great job of soaking up all of the access water that has until this point, thwarted my plans! HAHA!!! Now that the water is soaked up, I can burn whatever I need to burn. So I flip the Tampon around, light the other side on fire, but get back to melting. The top melted enough for me to pop it on its side, but it was still too big to get out of the drain hole. So I light the tampon on fire again, but it is just quite getting the flame I want, then a thought occurs to me. On each and every one of my CD perfume bottles it has the warning...Caution, Flamable...BRILLANT. I spray some of the Love spray onto the the tampon and light...the flame is great, i stick it back into the drain hole and the cap melts some, but not enough. THis time I douse the tampon with the Love spray and that things LIGHTS UP!!! I drop it in there and lo and behold, the cao melts away, and I can pull it out. And as an added bonus, my entire house now smells like love. SO not only did I achieve my goal, but I now have a great scent permeating my home...PLease do not knock the innovation....

*drops the mic....

Posted by Brandelyn at 11:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

            So…yeah. My weekend did not go as planned. Thursday night after going to the Corrine Bailey Rae show, which was awesome by the way, my Cancer Sister J and I got into a really crucial accident. And rather than dwelling on what has been on my mind for the past three days, we are both fine, we both were able to get out of the car and walk away from the scene (fairly) unscathed. God is good. I do however have to touch on our experience in the ER after the accident.

 So, because of the impact my girl hit her head, so just as a precaution, we went to the emergency room to make sure she was cool. Normally, my tomfoolery spidey senses are always on high alert, but that night…not so much. As we walked up the metallic ramp into the bungalow that housed the emergency room, I should have sensed that something was not quite right, but like I said, the spidey senses were just a bit out of whack. So we go in, fill out our little forms, and are told to wait in the waiting room for our names to be called. As soon as we walk into the waiting room and sit down, literally the second we sit down, J’s name is called and we get back up and head over to the triage nurse. Now, the triage nurse was a very cute guy who was clearly irritated with us for interrupting his viewing of his bootleg copy of the pirates of the Caribbean. His irritation was only heightened by the arrival of a very regal homeless man who was being carted in on a gurney by two EMT’s. Cute boy mumbles under his breath and hustles us through the paperwork. After rushing us through our check in, we are told to go back to the waiting room. J is called in first, and as I still have some paperwork to fill out, I stayed behind. After I finished with what I had to get done, I asked if I could head back to the room with my girls, but no no…Brandelyn has to hang out with the crazy homeless people who are chillen in the waiting room for the night. As I sat there, watching the infomercial on bootleg real estate out of one eye and the homeless man who was scratching himself and yelling at the floor every few minutes out of the other, I began to contemplate my life. Suddenly, the voice of God screamed out my name. After a few seconds, I recovered from my shock and realized that it was someone yelling my name over the intercom. Now honestly, all old boy had to was get up and come around the corner and say “aye dog…its time…” but I suppose there was more entertainment in screaming out my name loudly. So I head back through the “ER” and am brought into the room with J and our friend T who came and picked us up after the accident. When I walk in J is sitting on the bed and T is standing next to her leaning against the wall. I promptly take the blanket that is on the bed and wrap it around my body before sitting down in the chair.

            “Did the nurse talk to you?” J asks shifting slightly on the bed.

            “No, no one said anything, they just paraded me in back here and dropped me off.”

            “Oh okay, because she came in here and asked me if I have lost any weight suddenly and if I had suffered from any domestic abuse.”

             I pause for a moment, wrapping the blanket around me tighter.

            “Did she check a pulse, or …”

            “Yeah, no, none of that. Just those two questions and then she bounced.”

            Suddenly, there is a commotion outside and we learn that James, the regal looking homeless gentleman is now in the back with us and is entertaining the nurses and staff by playing dress up with the medical equipment and supplies.

            So the nurse comes in again and asks me if I have lost any weight recently. I smile proudly and say, “why yes, yes I have, 9 pounds to be exact.”

            “Yeah, I’m talking about significant weight loss.” Before she turns on her heels and walks out.

            Well Damn.

            After about 30 minutes, and listening to a drunk homeless woman cuss out the staff for not being professional, the doctor finally comes in. He looks at our charts and asks if we had on seatbelts. Clearly we did, other wise we would not be in here big chillen like this, but whatever. He touches our necks, feels our spines, makes us take deep breaths and prescribes vicaden and went on his way.  As we sat there for another 20 minutes waiting for the cups so we could give urine samples, a thought dawns on me.

            “J, um…did he look at your head at all?”

            She starts laughing as we realize that the entire purpose of our even coming in here was not even mentioned.

            After we are given the okay to leave, and promptly harassed by the security guards because Oakland is always in the building…we headed home and I headed to a land of ibuprofen bliss, for the rest of the weekend. I am still really sore but cool. God Is good and even remembers to throw in a little tomfoolery to keep us laughing instead of fighting tears.

Peace!

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 12:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

            This weekend I discovered the secret to a long life. Last year, while having one of my famous conversations with Nana, she told me that her great grandfather lived to be 117 years old and his father lived to be 110. My great-grandmother on my father’s side lived to be 103 and passed from natural causes. This weekend, I continued reading Mama Day by Gloria Naylor and Mama Day and her sister Abigail are 88 and 90 and both don’t look a day over 50. Now I understand that these characters are fictional, but they really do represent a huge population of people who have also discovered the answer to this secret, but have kept it to themselves. Well, I am here to let the world know.

            Although all of those people grew up at different times, in different eras and lived different lives, they all have one thing in common. All of these people lived in the south, and by south I don’t mean Atlanta or Houston. I mean THE SOUTH. That deep rural south where if you listen really carefully you can hear the old Negro spirituals still being sung in the distance. The south where once the sun sets, there is no light, at all, except from the light coming from inside of your house. The south where the sound of crickets plays the sound track at night. And most importantly, they all lived in the south where their closest neighbor was at LEAST two miles away. And that my friends is the secret to a long life!!! No neighbors!!!

            So picture it. I was supposed to head to LA this weekend, but it didn’t work out, so I had one of those rare Saturdays, where I had nothing to do. I was beside myself with excitement. I slept in until noon…sort of…and got up, threw on some shorts and scoured my apartment. Once the house was clean and the oils were burning I decided to just lie across my bed and read a book. You would be amazed at how rarely that happens. Anyway, I settle into the book, I’m all into it and then…

            “F you B! I don’t care…get out of the car…get out…I’ll show you crazy…get out!!!”

            I let out a deep sigh and set my book down and looked up at the ceiling from whence my help cometh.  The sound of wood cracking and breaking prompted me to get up from my perfectly placed pillows to make sure that my life was not in danger. I noticed my new neighbors fighting in the street, (the sound of the breaking wood was their gate crashing down after one of them was tossed into it), glass being thrown and all types of tomfoolery. One of them ran back into the house and all was silent again. However, knowing Oakland the way I do, I knew it wasn’t over, so I reached for my MP3 and placed my headphones on and got back to the book. A few minutes later I hear the screeching of wheels and all of a sudden a car starts honking obnoxiously in the middle of the street, in front of my house. I turn my player up and try to block out the noise, but the honking persists for almost 15 minutes. The sound of breaking glass caused me to once again, put down my book and dropped my head, once again sending up a prayer. The car screeches off again, and returns seconds later, on the opposite side of the street, once again directly in front of my breezy bedroom window and the commotion is now directly in front of my window. The breaking glass sound apparently came when a brick was thrown through the windshield of the honking car, which was now once again, honking obnoxiously. Moments later, the police come out of nowhere and just as suddenly as it began, the silence returned.

            Now, if I followed the example of my elders, all of this could have gone on, and I could have been in my house, with all of the windows open, living my life, baking pies, and I would be none the wiser. I think those generations past were on to something…

Posted by Brandelyn at 01:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Okay…we all know about my various adventures on the buses here in the bay area…um…yesterday, I was not actually ON the bus, but it was clear that I was meant to witness this moment in TOMFOOLERY HISTORY…

 

I was walking down the street, on my way to meet my girl. It was 94 degrees yesterday and I was loving EVERY single moment of it!!! So I’m just walking, letting the sun plant kisses on my face, enjoying the quiet of the Thursday afternoon. There is a bus coming up the street, seemingly minding its own business. All of a sudden, this non-descript white van comes tearing up the street, running a red light and pulls up next to the bus. The driver is cussing and screaming through his passenger window at the bus driver, just acting a fool! SO the van screeches to a halt in the middle of the street, slightly blocking off the bus, all while the driver continues to cuss and scream. The bus driver then slides his window open and in a very calm voice says...

            BUS Driver: “What. are you doing?”

            VAN Driver: “F you! You F’ing Bastard…(screams some other stuff I can’t remember)”

            BD: “Look man, move your car so I can go on about my way.”

            VD: “F You! You F’in Black…”

The world froze at that moment as we waited for him to finish his sentence.

            VD: “Bastard!!!!!”

At this point, the bus turns off, and the bus driver gets off the bus and practically sprints to the driver side of the van. (Mind you this still all going on in the MIDDLE of the street!) He gets to the driver side and tries to open the door. Now of course the man inside has rolled up the windows and locked the door.

            BD: Oh, now you’re scared? Open the door. Come one open the door and face me like a man. I’ll show you what a black bastard is…Come on!

            VD: Mumbles something through the window’s glass.

            BD: Come on!! Come on out. Don’t tell me you’re scared. Come on out!

At this point, it is clear that the van driver has two choices. He can either get out fight this large black man, OR drive away.

            He drove away.

However, the Bus driver was standing near the van and was almost hit by the wheels as the VD tried to drive away. So the driver of the bus kicked the van, extremely hard, no doubt leaving a dent. The Van driver, who had positioned his van in such a way that was blocking the bus in, clipped the bus with his van as he attempted to drive away, leaving his mirror in the middle of the street.  The bus driver then runs back to the bus, gets back inside and takes off.

Now the problem is that this particular bus is supposed to turn on a certain street in order to continue on its route, but apparently, today was not the day. So the bus driver continued going straight up the street, bypassing the street it was supposed to turn on and continued to smash, chasing after the van. And yes, in case you were wondering, there WERE people on the bus.

 

Um…yes. This is yet another moment in TOMFOOLERY AND BALLYWHO history!

Posted by Brandelyn at 10:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

            So just under two weeks ago, I joined the gym, recruited my boy to be my personal trainer and set myself on a very regular workout plan. All moves which just so happen to be number three on my “Project Get my life Together” list. Um…I’m not gonna lie…its been rough…I mean, it’s been really crucial with all of the sore muscles, aching bones and cussing my boy out that I have had to do, but the 3 pounds I’ve lost since I started is well worth all the madness. At least I’m starting to see quick progress (sorry Sands, yes I did weigh myself, but it won’t happen again, I promise! =)!  Yet, as I am getting more and more used to devoting an hour and a half of my day to working out, there a few things that I have learned to acknowledge in order to be successful in the gym.  I realize that I am not a six-pound stick figure with a long blonde ponytail wearing a sports bra and short shorts, and knowing this, I have learned that I have to approach the concept of the gym slightly differently.

 

1.      Skinny people ARE evil! As long as I keep in mind that people who have never had to deal with a weight issue, and by weight issue I mean something more than four or five vanity pounds, have absolutely no idea what it is like to be a big girl. Therefore it is okay for me to roll in there with my oversized t-shirt and sweatpants and feel like I have just as much right to be there as any of the beautiful people who frequent my gym. The looks and prolonged stares need to be my motivation to keep it moving.  And while yes I do struggle with using the little skinny people machines in the gym, I have to give myself credit for even being in there and trying to make a change. They say getting to the gym is the hardest part, I disagree! I can always make it to the gym just fine, its all the working out once I get there that’s the problem. But I’m there. I’m sweating, I’m complaining, I’m hurting and having to be carried away by an ambulance after every session, but I’m there! Take that take that, bad boy baby…So all of those sympathetic looks and cocky smiles after you just finished running for 45 minutes, in your little shorts and bras, do not phase me. You do you, and I’ll do me and we will just keep it at that!

 

2.      Pacing yourself.  Now listen, I used to be an athlete back in the day. Back in the day. I haven’t picked up a volleyball or any type of athletic equipment in about 9 years, so I had to get over the mind set that I used to be an athlete. Those days are far behind me. And I’m getting older, so I can’t be partying like I used to! All things I need to keep in mind. I am slowly learning my limitations, and learning ways to psyche myself out and challenge myself without killing myself. Although I have the spirit of a young volleyball star (AKA “Shotgun” for those in the know about my ridiculous serve), I have the body of an overweight, out of shape almost 27 year old. So, I have to adapt my life to accommodate that fact. And there is nothing wrong with that. I still leave the gym dog tired and starving, but at least I know that I got a good work out!

 
 

3.      Reading is fundamental! Lord have mercy! My workout yesterday started out with a nice 45 minutes on the treadmill. Um…the spirit was telling me that the treadmill was the devil!!! But while it is painfully hard to do anything that demanding for that long, I have learned to fill my mind with mindless reading material that does not cause me to get stressed out or concerned about anything. My favorite right now is Cosmo. Any magazine that interviews female soldiers in Iraq asking them for their favorite beauty tips during combat and ways of getting around the military’s rules for getting it on is fine reading material while I sweat away on the treadmill.

 

4.      Endorphins are the BUSINESS!!!  Man, that feeling when your body gives up any hope that you are going to just stop all of this torment and just go back to its regular routine of laying on the couch and eating ice cream is awesome. Some people call them endorphins, I call it acceptance. Your body accepts the fact that you are actually crazy and are not going to stop all of this moving and sweating, so rather than continuing to be in pain, it simply lets go and you start to feel good. The body is not really into pain. Its not really into all of that hurting and stretching and bending stuff, it just wants to feel good. So if YOU are not going to facilitate that feeling good, then the body will take over for you…it is a great feeling and it is always something I strive to reach in my workout…everyone needs goals!

 

5.      Eating is ACTUALLY good for you!! I know that as a big girl, I have always thought that the less I eat the more like I am to lose weight! Well, let me just tell you that that is a lie from the pit of hell!!  I actually eat a lot less, a lot more often, if that makes sense. Instead of only eating once a day, which honestly is the norm for me, I eat little things all during the day. And breakfast?! Man!! I’m all about breakfast now. Smoothies from Jamba Juice and the little oat bran muffin thing! A great way to start the day off right!!! So don’t be afraid of food! Food is not the enemy!!! Eat on!!! Starvation = weight gain! Remember that!!

 

So in conclusion, the gym is not such a bad place to be. If you can find your own way of ignoring everything around you, then anyone can go to the gym and have a good time. Project get my life together continues…

This is Brandelyn Nicole Castine, signing off…

Posted by Brandelyn at 03:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)