Brandelyn: Lyrical Contradiction

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Posted by Brandelyn at 10:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Blame It on Me... Alana Davis

 

Leaves change from green to red without notes in tune with time that surrounds
I think that's something that you said back a while when you first started coming around
You and I are from different worlds but that gave us more to share
You'd ask me where I wanted to be and I was happy with you just being there
Now I feel we've got some serious talking ahead and I don't want you to get me wrong
It's just we've become kind of a habit to each other and this can't keep going on
Blame it on Me
Over the past few months through no fault of you own
I've grown disenchanted and I've got to go it alone
Seems the natural thing to do 'cause you can't cling to me if I'm not gonna stick with you
Now take a look at what it's all coming down to
You act like I'm leaving you on the shelf but I don't know how else to say it
Life's a game and we all have to play it
So I've got to look out for myself
Blame it on me
All these changes coming on And I'm feeling it so strong
You know they've got to be real
It's hard to explain it baby if i can't tell you how i feel
I've been pushing it aside but i can't sacrifice my pride any longer
I thought it would subside
Something I could hide
But it's only getting stronger
Blame it on me

 

I listened to this song for the first time in a while last night and once again, it got me, like it always does.  When we end a relationship with someone, whether it be a friendship or a romantic relationship, it is always difficult to acknowledge, why this thing must come to an end. Or even THAT it must come to an end. One very hard lesson i have been learning in the last couple of years is that not every one that comes in your life, is meant to stay in your life. Sometimes people come into our lives to be a distraction, to knock us off course when God is about to do something powerful in our lives. The arguement that I had the other night, sigh, really reaffirmed this concept for me. That particular relationship is poisonus, and always has been. Granted, there were some incredibly valuable lessons learned and some great creative works that stemmed from it, but ultimately, this person is detrimental to my progress and thus needs to be let go.
I was in church on Sunday and a part of the message was talking about friends in your life who are down with you when both of you are struggling, but as soon as you start progressing forward, and God starts pouring his blessings down onto you, then jealousy, or whatever, comes in and these people you onced leaned on are no where to be found. Poisonus relationships.
Every once in a while, God will start weeding people out of my life. Or rather I should say, God will totally isolate me from everyone and everything and get me to a place where He is the only voice I can hear. Pretty soon, I begin to lean less on people and more on Him. I guess that is the point right. We should never put men before God. Wait... I'm way off topic... LOL!. Sorry, I digress...
In the song, Alana says....Over the past few months through no fault of you own I've grown disenchanted and I've got to go it alone Seems the natural thing to do 'cause you can't cling to me if I'm not gonna stick with you...

It is so easy to get comfortable in a not so great situation. We get comfortable because things get predictable and our expectations for change diminish. Sometimes we don't want change. I know in my life, with all of the craziness that's going on, I loved having that one thing I knew was going to be around, and thus I got comfortable. I knew that whenever I called, he would answer. I knew that whenever I needed him around he would be there. I knew that whenever i needed to talk he would listen. And knowing this allowed me to over look the fights and the arguements and the times i just wanted to choke him out, because when the time came that I needed something, the comfort of knowing that he was around was ultimately why i kept him around. Scary how that happens, but so true. It was my fault. I was to blame. I kept him around for purely selfish reasons even though underneath the surface and in certain company above the surface, i was unhappy. Its so sad to think about this as I'm writing, but life is lessons... So where does that leave me now?
Bottom line is that I still have a lot to learn. A long way to go. But one thing I have learned to do, is look at each situation as a lesson. Every thing has some sort of POSITIVE aspect that can be drawn from it and it is up to you or me to figure out what it is. Every hurt can turn into a poem, every smile can turn into a song, Everyone who pisses me off WILL be in the next book... just kidding LOL! but you get what i'm saying. Life really is a beautiful struggle, if you make it that way. Take everything you can from it and also know that sometimes, you have to put the blame on yourself, know that its okay not to have that person in your life and make the necessary moves. Think of it as making room for the next lesson to come in and leave its mark

Posted by Brandelyn at 09:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I found an old email from you today. I sent you a draft of something new I was working on and you were so excited to get a first peek at my work. I remember that. When we used to be excited about what was going on in each others lives. When we knew about what was going on in each others lives. Our time apart was necessary and good, I needed to breathe and learn that it was indeed possible for me to live without you. I knew that, deep down somewhere I knew that it was true, but now that I have had this time away from you, I know that it is possible.

Somehow, we found our way back to each other, the way we always do, but something seems off this time. I feel like I aged ten years in the time we spent apart and now everything just feels awkward, like we are forcing things back into the way they were and it doesn’t feel right. A part of me misses you, the laughs, the jokes, the late night phone calls where we would talk about absolutely everything and nothing. I miss being needed by you, being depended on; being able to give advice and know that it was appreciated…when it was listened to. But the part of me that I love the most, the part of me that tries so hard to be the voice of reason, reminds me of all the reasons I shouldn’t and can’t spend too much time thinking about those old days.  I think maybe, the hurt killed off a piece of me that made me cling to you. Now I feel like I am forcing a new space for you in my world because my heart says you should still be there, you should have a place in it, but the simplicity of you and I, seems to have melted away behind everything we have been through.  

I have gotten to the point where I feel independent from you. I can listen to songs we used to put on repeat and not hear you singing off key in the background. I can go places where we used to spend lazy afternoons and take in the sunshine on my own, and I have to admit, I have fallen in love with that feeling. Like somehow the power you had to possess my mind has been broken and I’m free to think my own thoughts.

I have to admit, I feel silly even saying this, and a little afraid that you won’t understand, but then again, this is how I feel. If you don’t understand then that is all the more reason for me to feel the way I do. The disconnect between us providing, all the more reason to listen to my heart and just be. This is not to say that I don’t love you anymore. I do, I always will, but this time it’s with a different kind of love. It’s with a love that allows me to love myself more, above and beyond and that is the difference.

I’m going to delete that email, before my thoughts become cloudy and sadness begins to creep in forcing me to forget and bend myself back into painful shapes that gave you easy passage to take over my life. That person is dead and gone and the phoenix has arrived, because she needed to. The past is what it is, it was amazing and I’m grateful for what we shared. What the future holds, who knows, but I can say that I won’t look back and have any regrets. You taught me the importance of loving myself, of looking out for myself, of making myself a priority and for that I thank you.

Posted by Brandelyn at 09:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

“I looked at the Other, there in the corner of the room-fragile, exhausted, disillusioned. Controlling and enslaving what should really be free: her emotions. Trying to judge her future loves by the rules of her past suffering.

But Love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to stretch out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness. The moment we begin to seek love, love begins to seek us.

And to save us.”

Excerpt from By the River Peidra I Sat Down and Wept by Paulo Coehlo

*drops the mic

Posted by Brandelyn at 10:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I have to stop this before it starts. I feel you, growing, welling churning your way inside of me, but I don’t dare call you by name. No. That would make you real. I can walk a little faster. Try a little harder. Motion my hands in the wave of a fan, trying to blow your scent away, but I can smell you, as pungent as a lily in full bloom, I see you. Raining down over me, making my swagger tilt to the side, leaving me a little dumb, silly and blind. No. I must turn my head and look in the opposite direction because running toward this would cost me too much. So I bury my head in the sand, keep my fingers on the keys and type it out. Type you out. Type until this, this feeling becomes a distant memory, ugh! But there you are again. No. I must turn my head and look in the opposite direction and fight to recall every bad thing you’ve ever said or done to me, but that list is entirely too short and the good begins to march its way in, Lord God almighty, I miss this feeling! Of waking up with lingering traces of dreams of you on my smile and remembering the sound that filled my ears when you said I love you. No. I must turn my head and look in the opposite direction and struggle to remember why it’s bad for me to feel this way. I can do this. I must push. I’ve got to push. It is necessary for me to push because all of this cannot happen. It’s not fair, but it’s right. It’s not what I need, but its right. It’s not the truth, but, its, right. The dreams that I’ve dreamed and the secret silent symphonies will have to be enough for me because this fight, this fight is the good fight and yes I chose to accept. So please, please stop invading the sanctuary of my mind and making it so hard to breathe because I have to keep fighting. There is too much at stake so I have to fight, and I hope, that you will put up your dukes and fight too. It’s not fair, it’s not easy, it’s not nice, but it’s right. Please, don’t fight for me, fight against me. Please, leave me to my calling. Leave me to my passion, please, step away from the door and let me just write.

Posted by Brandelyn at 10:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

This is the fun part of my job as a writer. On my quest for inspiration I came across this on Paulo Coehlo's website. He found it somewhere else, but I read it and loved it. I think a lot of times Men get a bad wrap and we (women) tend to generalize them negatively as much as we can based off of a few isolated incidents. So I'm posting this because I think its time to reverse that trend.

Why We Love Men By: Mircea Cartarescu as posted by Paulo Coelho

Because they write poems, songs, and books in our honor.

Because they never understand us, but they never give up.

Because they can see beauty in women when women have long ceased to see any beauty in themselves.

Because they come from little boys.

Because they can churn out long, intricate, Machiavellian, or incredibly complex mathematics and physics equations, but they can be comparably clueless when it comes to women.

Because they are incredible lovers and never rest until we’re happy.

Because they elevate sports to religion.

Because they’re never afraid of the dark.

Because they don’t care how they look or if they age.

Because they persevere in making and repairing things beyond their abilities, with the naïve self-assurance of the teenage boy who knew everything.

Because they never wear or dream of wearing high heels.

Because they’re always ready for sex.

Because they’re like pomegranates: lots of inedible parts, but the juicy seeds are incredibly tasty and succulent and usually exceed your expectations.

Because they’re afraid to go bald.

Because you always know what they think and they always mean what they say.

Because their biggest fear is not being a man, and for this, they need to go away from time to time.

Because they love machines, tools, and implements with the same ferocity women love jewelry.

Because they go to great lengths to hide, unsuccessfully, that they are frail and human.

Because they either speak too much or not at all to that end.

Because they always finish the food on their plate.

Because they are brave in front of insects and mice.

Because a well-spoken four-year old girl can reduce them to silence, and a beautiful 25-year old can reduce them to slobbering idiots.

Because they want to be either omnivorous or ascetic, warriors or lovers, artists or generals, but nothing in-between.

Because for them there’s no such thing as too much adrenaline.

Because when all is said and done, they can’t live without us, no matter how hard they try.

Because they’re truly as simple as they claim to be.

Because they love extremes and when they go to extremes, we’re there to catch them.

Because they’ve got that comfortable place on their shoulder that’s perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep.

Because they are tender they when they cry, and how seldom they do it.

Because what they lack in talk, they tend to make up for in action.

Because they make excellent companions when driving through rough neighborhoods or walking past dark alleys.

Because they really love their moms, and they remind us of our dads.

Because they never care what their horoscope, their mother-in-law, nor the neighbors say.

Because they rarely lie about their age, their weight, or their clothing size.

Because they give great hugs, ( and always melt our hearts when a sweet “I love you” is added)

Because they have an uncanny ability to look deeply into our eyes and connect with our heart, even when we don’t want them to.

Because we love them, and only a man would think that requires an explanation.

Posted by Brandelyn at 08:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

            I was reading a friend of mines blog and he really inspired me to get back into it. I’ve been on hiatus for the last week from all of my writing projects, trying to recuperate from accomplishing a major goal. *And Joe, I don’t know if you are reading this, but you are truly an inspiration to me. I admire your honesty and beautiful way with words. Please let me know when the book comes out homie!* You all should check out his blog... http://www.trustintruss.blogspot.com/

            So yesterday I stayed for the triple feature at church and got a different word at every service. It was amazing. The one thing that resonated with me the most was the Pastor’s comments on women. There is a movement going on and maybe it’s just within me, but I see it happening with my friends too, but I am going to use myself as an example so as not to make any assumptions! LOL. Anywho, there is a movement going on within myself to learn to love who I am. The Pastor was talking about truly learning to admire the beauty that God has created you in. We are made in His image not Beyonce’s and its time for us to stop manipulating our bodies in order to fit into some fantasy ideal. My friend Thea wrote this poem that has become my anthem and one line says ‘if I want to be adored, I must inspire adoration’, and the only way that can happen is if we adore ourselves first. We have this concept of beauty that is so tainted and off key that we don’t know what to believe anymore. We take the words of strangers and use them as gospel because we are not strong enough to create our own definitions of self and live by them no matter what! The crazy thing is that I used to let all kinds of things dictate how I felt about myself, but I don’t do that anymore. I’ve learned to do me and if you aren’t on board, I don’t know what to tell you. I can’t let men dictate how I feel about myself. I have learned to determine my own flyness and bask in it. I might even have some not so cute days, but that’s cool because being fly is a state of mind, so even if my hair is whoped to one side and my clothes are wrinkled, I’m still fly. Before we can ask anyone to love us, we must first love all of who we are AS WE ARE.

            I feel really blessed to be the way I am. To be the size and shape I am. To have the talents I possess. To have the personality and sense of humor I have. To be everything I am because that is what God wanted me to be. I am perfect in His sight and I would be perfect in His sight if I were a size 2 or 22. Don’t get me wrong, it’s about being healthy too. I walk the lake in the mornings and try not to eat badly, but honestly, sometimes I do and that’s alright. It breaks my heart to see my sisters uncomfortable in their own skin. Tugging on clothes and shifting their bodies trying to hide parts of themselves all because they have been told over and over again that who they are and what they look like is not acceptable and they won’t be accepted until they start to lose weight and shed some of those pounds and then they will be perfect. Of course we all want to get to that point in our lives because thin women never have any body image issues and love themselves just as much as we do...right... So we are taught not to accept who we are and what we look like we are taught to always need and want to achieve more. When we look in the mirrors we don’t’ see the gifts God has given us.  All they see is the same thing I used to see, every single negative comment that has ever been said about them by a family member, friend, boyfriend, whatever. It is so easy to hold on to the negative things people say but nearly impossible to accept a compliment. Why is that?

            My birthday was last Wednesday and I turned 28 years old. In the next year of my life, I am determined to love me. I’ve spent the last 27 years feeling self conscious and everything a big girl in this society has been told she should feel about herself, but no more. His opinions no longer matter, in fact, he has been cut off because he is not on board with the program, and I’m creating the definition. It is so liberating to just let go of all the garbage and love. I hope this helps somebody today!

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 06:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I never understood the goal until I heard a song by Kem today entitled ‘You Might Win.”

He says:

            “In the end, there can be only laughter

            After the dance, lies a whole new chapter

            So never wait too long to try

Cause you might, you might win

Love is all that we’re after

Though we pretend

There’s much more to capture

These are sacred days

Let’s make room for each other

And let love have its way

Have your fill of its wonder

But never hold on to too tight

And you might, you might win”

 

            Often, I find myself pretending that I am comfortable with the fact that I just might be a career woman, a new generation Oprah if you will. I can imagine a life of work, meeting people, traveling, growing, but never having someone who will fully understand and get all of the pieces that make me what I am. I can see myself surrounded by people that only know so much about me and only ever get to see the smiling confident side because what I am slowly learning is that people often just can’t handle anything less than perfection. Weak moments are not tolerated and the moment you have one, because yes they are inevitable, you begin to lose some of the magic that makes you special.

            But what if we were allowed to be unspecial, even if just for a moment? Listening to that song, I realized that all of us have a goal. Whether or not we chose to admit it, everyone has a goal to find love. But not just any love, we all hope and pray that someday we will be blessed to find blind love. We all want to find someone to be ugly with and to cry in front of and to be vulnerable without the consequence of losing ground in the relationship. We all want someone we can fall apart in front of, who will not only laugh at our jokes but get them. Someone who understands the quite times and appreciates them. Someone who can tolerate our crazy taste in music and might eventually start to feel some of those beats themselves. Someone who can appreciate a breezy day and a home cooked meal. Basically, the goal is to find someone who can live inside of the barriers and fronts and be comfortable there.

            In my life, there is a lot of expectation. There are people that expect me to succeed, and a lot of people who expect me to fail. There are people that expect me to be creative and productive and to not only live up to a certain standard, but often times, create that standard. The pressure sometimes is unbelievable and yes for the most part I do my best to handle it, but it would be nice to be around someone who didn’t expect me to be anything but B. Sometimes I just want to be the silly, goofy, creative, slightly neurotic, unorganized, procrastinatory, perpetually sleepy, often too lazy, insecure, pseudo-chef who loves to experiment in the kitchen/vocalist who sings in falsetto/girl who never quite understands men.

There are some days when the pressure sits so heavily on my shoulders that all I can do is let the tears fall. I am surprised by the number of people I simply cannot cry around, and like my girl Thea says in her poem, “Sometimes I cry just so I can feel something,” sometimes I cry just so I can make room to breathe. And yes, sometimes I would love to be able to cry without losing a little piece of my power. One of my biggest fears is to be looked at as weak, but sometimes, the tears need to just fall. And I realize that that’s okay.

As a creative person, I need someone who will inspire me. I want to be able to look at you or hear your voice and hear lyrics. And while that may sound like a hard order to fill, all it truly takes to be an inspiration to someone else is passion. If you are passionate about something in your life, it is easy for someone just as passionate to pick up on that and want to bottle it up. The goal is to find that, to bask in that and to find someone who will not only allow you to do that, but on occasion create the environment for that to happen.

I don’t know. I’ve been told that my expectations are too high, but I am physically incapable of lowering them. But that song really just opened up something in me today. But I’m glad that laughter is what is waiting for me in the end. That tells me that no matter what happens, whether love comes my way or not, I will have laughter and I will be happy.

 

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 02:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

If I have heard it once, I have heard it a million times. Almost daily, I find myself entangled in conversations about what is wrong with Black men and how difficult it is to deal with Black women. I find myself becoming frustrated listening to the laundry list of reasons why Black men aren’t worth the trouble and how we should go ahead and date outside of our race to prove that point. Then on the other hand, I hear constant monologues about how Black women are too independent and don’t know how to let men be men. I listen to these conversations, often taken part in them, voicing my very one-sided opinion, but then something dawned on me. The fact of the matter is that no one is perfect. We all have flaws and there are things that we are going to have to learn to accept about our partner when we decide to pursue a relationship with someone. However, the question of what is wrong with Black men and women will forever dangle over our heads. The answer to the question is simple, it all boils down to choices and expectations.

I think as women we have what I like to call the SUPERMAN expectation in our men. We expect our men to be perfect, never make any mistakes, never get upset, never upset us, never leave his crap lying around our apartments, never choose video games or sports over us and never participate in whatever other behavior we may find to be irritating. But I think that the revelation or acceptance rather that our men are just human beings is something that we need to acknowledge. We want these men to be perfect and fall into our categories of perfection and get upset when they turn out to be just human. Instead of embracing the humanistic qualities, we immediately go into ‘momma’ mode and want to start trying to mold, shape and grow our men into our definition of perfection. We put in so much effort to tuck and fold and tame and bend and sow and wax that pretty soon, even HE has forgotten who he is! All of sudden there is no more life in him because you have already molded him into something else and then, the inevitable happens, we get bored and he gets frustrated and then it gets ugly.

Brothers, the same goes to you. We are not your mothers. It is not our job to clean up after you, cook your meals, and provide you with a place to live. Men have forgotten how to be men, or to say it better, they were never truly taught how to be men. They were raised by their mothers and taught how to be cared for, but honestly where does your accountability come in? You say that Black women are too independent and too head strong, but again I ask how can you expect us to be anything less when all we know is that in life, Black women only have one choice, make it happen. Men on the other hand have too many choices and the freedom to come and go as they please, depending on women to clean up their mistakes when it is all said and done. Honestly, it is that constant battle between freedom and captivity that keeps us at each others throats.

Black men, sisters would be more inclined to relax and let you take the lead more often if you showed her that you were willing and able to do that. Sisters, brothers would probably be more inclined to take the lead if we would soften up and let them. I realize that it is going to take a lot of trust on our parts, but that is the only way we are going to be able to make heads or tails of this situation. There is a way to find balance between the two worlds, but it is going to take some bending and growing on both ends of the stick. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with Black men, or what’s wrong with Black women?” Ask yourself, what can I do to give a little and open up that door of trust? The answers are in our hands, it is just up to us to ask the right questions.

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 01:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

    I have read and reread this article and have only been able to come up with one conclusion. THis man, or this type of man rather is not looking for a girlfriend, or a partner. He is looking for a sexier version of his mother. A woman who will cook, clean, provide comfort and support and not expect anything in return and be grateful for whatever she gets in return. Within his piece, there was a lot of a woman should cook, clean, sit, be pretty and let me do exactly and whatever I want to do and not complain about it, but in what world is woman really and truly going to allow her man to galavant for a month with no communication and still expect for there to be relationship?

There is a lot of talk about Black women being too independent and trying to take over the roles of men, but if you think about it, if men would step their game up, there would be no need for us to play both roles. I say this for all of the 20 something men who still live in their mother's house, for all of the men who themselves have never learned how to cook, to all of the men who do not know how to clean up after themselves and who continue to try and devalue the accomplishments of the women in their lives to attempt to cover the lack of accomplisment in their own lives.

When you are past a certain age, you should not live with 5 other guys in the Steven King version of a frat house. Women should not walk into your apartment and be scared to sit down because they feel that something just may bite them. Cereal is not a romantic meal, nor is it cute to call your house and ask your mother if you are available to talk. The question I am asking is when are men going to step up and be men?

In today's society, women are more often than not forced to be the backbone of any given situation. If a man is not ready to face a particular responsibility, for the sake of arguement, let's use the example of children, then he has the freedom to up and leave and the woman is then placed into the position of having to care for the responsibility that was created by two. But on the same token, men are very quick to say that Black women are too headstrong and dominant, but I ask you, how can you expect us to be anything else when we have been playing to role of man and woman for more years than we care to think about? Perhaps Black women would have more time to learn how to cook and cater to men, if we had the free time on our hands that they did, who's to say? One thing is for certain, we would not waste that free time with idle activities as men have a tendency to do. My question is, what was the last skill you picked up brothers, outside of the bedroom?

As Black people in this country, we have to fight for everything we have half of the time and then spend the other half of the time defending it amongst ourselves! I am one of the city girls he described because yes, I am accomplished, yes I am educated, yes I do handle my business and don't expect anything from anyone, but appreciate the help when it comes. What we often fail to understand is that relationships are NOT about domination and one upping each other. Relationships are about partnerships and complimenting each other. It seems to me that this man spends the bulk of his time hanging out with his boys, playing and watching games and continuing to cultivate his childhood. Come to think of it its no wonder he's looking for a mother! Women who are about something, the 'city girls' as he calls it are not looking to raise anymore children. We are looking for partners, equals, Men who will compliment who we are and who are strong enough to allow us to compliment them return. Its as simple as that.

So to answer the question, why don't black women have men, the answer is simple, a man is a rare and beautiful thing that is very hard to find. Once he is found, we will not hesitate to cook for him, care for him, give him the space he needs because he is doing the same for us in return. A 50/50 partnership. Now boys on the other hand, those come a dime a dozen, as we learn everyday as we go on about our days and are shamelessly approached by them. Perhaps before we go on attacking Black women, brothers should take a moment to evaluate their own situations and gleen ways to improve upon yourselves. You can't expect to get gold when you are working with a lump of coal yourself.

I'd like to end this with a poem by one of my favorite poets... Mayda Del Valle

We are not your mothers!
You have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
Yet you come to us wounded and half filled with promises you can only keep half the time
Trying to suck a lost sense of self dry
We have become much too accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows
Have become much to accustomed to waiting for our empty beds to be weighed down with the bodys of men, heavy with the scent and the hands of other women
and we simply wanting to be loved and to love ourselves unconditionally
Simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not.
Play Hester Prynne
Place scarlet letters on our chest
Become adulteresses, cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
Willing to settle for less
Willing to act like a little less then a goddess
Willing to sleep with the enemy
Men too scared to stop acting like boys, thinking we can love away their scars
So we take the lashes of their insecurities they pour on us
And lick our wounds in quiet mourning for the little girls that we lose by the minute.

Part 2
you said you had a photographic memory.
But apparently you forgot that honesty begins by being real with yourself and the ones you claim you love
The truth cannot be hidden
Whats clouded in darkness will always come to light my love.
You should have known that,
claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
I guess *bleep* happens
I just wish it wasnt me
And I guess its so much better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all
I know thats some easy *bleep* to say but Im still gonna try to live by it
Im still gonna try to put my faith to rest in it
I will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed big enough to love myself in.
I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shiny, full of the knowledge
I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty
I will remove this scarlet letter from my chest
And take the hand of the little girl I used to be and say Im sorry to her
Im sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
And I will wait for a man to come along that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me

 

 

Peace Y'all

B 

Posted by Brandelyn at 04:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Posted by Brandelyn at 11:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Yesterday, I finally got to the point where I was able to let go of something that I have been holding on to for a long time. A very long time. But eventually it boiled down to the fact that I love myself too much to keep trying to hold on to something that just doesn't want to be held. So I let it fly. Its funny because I had my box of Kleenex sitting next to my bag of cookies, but when it was all said and done, instead of feeling sad, I felt liberated and at total peace. Its crazy how when you are finally doing the what God has told you to do a LONG time ago, how easy it is. I think i feel really good because now I know that that situation was not for me and has been a hinderence for the situation that IS for me to come to pass. I have never been able to formulate my thoughts to define what Love is to me...but this poem is about the closest thing I could find...

Love Like by Shihan

I want a love like me thinking of you thinking of me thinking of you type love,
or me telling my friends more than I've ever admitted to myself about how I feel about you type love,
or hating how jealous you are, but loving how much you want me all to your self type love,
or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name,
and shit, I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you, and I barely made it out of my garage.
See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep then wonder if she's dreaming about us being in love type love,
or who loves the other more, or what she's doing at this exact moment,
or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts, closing my eyes and imagining how a love like this could just hurt so much when she's not there.
Shit, I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.
And check this, I want to place those little post-it notes all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love then not have enough ink in my pen to write all there is to love about her type love.
Hope that I make her feel as good as she makes me feel,I want her to distract me from whatever I'm doing type love
and I want to deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love.
Only difference is this is one of those real love type loves.
and just like in high school, I want to spend hours on the phone with her not saying shit,
then fall asleep and wake up with HER right next to me, and smell her all up in my covers type love
I want to try counting the ways I love her, and then lose count in the middle just so that I have to start all over again type love
I want to celebrate one of those month anniversaries even though they ain't really anniversaries, but doin' it just cause it makes her happy type love.
And I want to break down the time we spend together into seconds just so it sounds lilke we spend more time together type love
And check this, I want to fall in love with the melody the phone plays when her number is dialed into it type loves
and then talk to her until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless, but with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer because, in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves.
I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are I mean the lines on my palms don't give me enough time to love her as long as I'd like to type loves,
and I want a love that makes me st-st-st-st-stutter just thinking
about how strong this love is type love.
I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair...
Well, maybe not all of the hair
maybe just cut the split ends and trim my mustache,
but it will still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her.
And check this, I kinda feel comfortable now, so I can tell y'all this: I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose my memory get transported to some third world country just to get treated then somehow meet up again with you so that I could fall in love with you in a different language to see if it still feels the same type love.
I want a love that's as unexplainable as she is, but I'm married, so she is going to be the one that I share this love with.

 

PEace Y'all

Posted by Brandelyn at 09:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

“Its like having a TV stand without having a TV in it…yeah…No DVD player…whoa, whoa whoa…its like catching a butterfly in a jar, with tints on it…can’t see its beautiful colors, can’t see it flutter…can’t see its beautiful wings…its like trying to sing…in the middle of a sound proof room…who would assume that you was making beautiful music…music…music…your melody is muffled with silence…”

                                                                                 Leandrew Robinson

 

            It’s funny because I have been spending most of the morning getting organized. Trying to put things in order and make things easier for the rest of my work week. So I began sorting through various files on my computer, and came across this quote by my good friend Lee. I sat here reading it a few times over and over again, and suddenly, something about these words really struck a chord in me.

            I recently had a “discussion” read: argument (lol) with a friend of mine about lifestyle choices. He told me that he felt sorry for me because I was such a giving person and eventually I would wind up feeling bitter and used and would wind up bled dry because people would continue to use me up until I had nothing left to give. It was funny because I never even thought about it like that. Yes, I give my last to someone in need, but the funny thing, is that I have never actually gotten to my last. God has always provided me with whatever I needed and then some, so I’ve never gone without. I told my friend that everything I give, and everything I do is meant to please God, not man, and that is why I have always been provided for. I think he understood where I was coming from, but as I read Lee’s words today, it struck me, that what he was describing was a life without love. When you are bitter about what life has tossed your way, you don’t notice anything good. Instead of the glass being half full, it is always half empty. A baby’s cry is source of irritation instead of the evidence of a new life, finally being able to speak its piece. It’s crazy how much you can miss by simply being bitter about a situation that happened a long time ago. I know, I can hold on to a grudge forever! I’m still mad at my brother for breaking my gingerbread house when I was 12...just kidding...but I do remember that... But I really had to come to the realization that there was no point in doing that. While you are all upset and bitter and missing out on life, the person who hurt you is not concerned about the situation at all, and is most likely doing much better off then you are. We give people a lot of power in our lives, for no real reason. One bad word from someone can kill our entire day, or one bad look from someone will spark that angry switch and we’ll be ready to fight for the rest of the day, and for what? Letting go of the past and learning to live a life of love and compassion is truly the only way to get past your past. I refuse to let my circumstances, history, or others expectations of me dictate where I am winding up in life. I answer to a MUCH higher authority and I am standing strong on the promises God has given me.

            So yes, a life without love is ‘like having a TV stand without having a TV...” A life without love is like “catching a butterfly in a jar with tints on it, you can’t see its beautiful colors, cant’ see it flutter, can’t see its beautiful wings...” A life without love is like “trying to sing, in the middle of a sound proof room...” who would assume that you have something to give, gifts to offer, talents to share, if you are so swallowed by your bitterness, or so buried underneath your past that ‘your melody is muffled by silence?”

 

Peace Y'all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 12:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

There is this song called You don't wanna miss by a group from the early 90's called Four Real. They were super dope, y'all should check them out. But the basic premise for the song was them telling the men in their lives that they are going to miss out on a good thing if they didn't take advantage of them now. I can't say that I agree with this message. I mean it is true that we miss out on things when we don't take advantage, but why do I have to beg you to acknowledge all that I am as a woman? We hear it over and over again, with women begging men to pay attention to them, or take notice of who they are or appreciate all that they do, but honestly, is all of that necessary? It is very true, that if a man wants you, he will make that very clear. I recently found myself begging for attention. Sending out ultimatums for time, when my girl had to bust me out and ask me why I was even wasting my time? We should never have to beg someone to be a part of our lives. We should definitely put effort into relationships, I am a big fan of the fifty fifty in Relationships, but am I really supposed to beg for your time? I mean really, If you can't see what's in front of you, then who am I to try am twist your arm to see that I'm a good woman? It’s just not that serious! So, for the record, If I am spending time with you and making an effort, and that effort is not be reciprocated, then I am not going to go through hoops to try and keep your attention. There has to be an equal level of give and take, but brothas and sisters, there has to be a certain level of respect that needs to be had in yourself in order to be able to get to this point. We should never have to beg anyone to see the goodness in us. If he doesn't return your calls, or show you the amount of respect or loyalty you desire, then he's not the one. And No, we don't want to miss out on a good thing, but is our dignity and self respect worth it?

Posted by Brandelyn at 01:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I wish it was this easy to say... 

 Let me: Sergio Mendez, Jill Scott and Will I am

Let me..
Let me sit with you beside a street
Let me..
Let me Laugh with you and share your dream
Ill be your true friend until the end you can depend only select me
let me, let me
Say you let me
Let me
Let me cheer you when your dreams go pass
Let me
Let me hold you when your world seems lost
Let me
Cause right now you know I love you so
Let me
Let me never ever let you go
Let me
Let me
Let me3xx love you girl
Let me into your world
Let me
Cause I ain’t never felt love like this here
Let me take you for a walk, walk through park
Let me hold your hand
Let me see you spark
I desire tire I don’t want no partial
Let me asking you something
I don’t want to startle you
If I can hold your hand can I hold your heart
Let me, Just say you let me 2x
Aint nobody love me quite like you love me girl
Body next to you, body let me love you girl
Cause I ain’t never felt love like this here
Let me take you to the beach
Eat a peach
Let me take you out everyday of the week
If I know something you don’t know baby let me teach ya
Let me, just say you let me
Cause by now you know I love you so (you know I love ya)
Let me
Let me never ever let you go
Let me, have me 2x
Let me2x share you
Let me
Cause by now you know I love you so (you know I love you)
So let me
Let me never ever let you go7x

 

If only they would listen...Please get Sergio Mendez's new album...its called Timeless and it is amazing!!!

Posted by Brandelyn at 01:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I happened to log onto Myspace this morning and one of my favorite people posted a blog that caught my eye. I read it and because it was something that I have been personally been dealing with, I had to respond. So, here is his blog first and then my response!
Settling…
Everyone settles. It’s no big secret. Though some may deny it. And it begins way before anyone ever notices. It could go all the way back to our parents instilling their own defeatist tendencies into us but we are adults. Lets break the cycle and take responsibility for our own actions. Ill start with a common moment we have all experienced.
Ladies, ladies first, when you first laid down at whichever age and there where no rose petals, no candles, no nice music and your best friend was in the next room or on the floor in the same room. You began a trend. A trend of settling that will continue for the rest of your life, widening the gap between the dream life you wanted and the life you have.
And fellas. We al didn’t have such elaborate details in mind but we surely didn’t imagine things going the way they did. If it’s that she wasn’t as attractive as you imagined. Or that you or you dad had to pay her afterwards. Or that afterwards came so soon. Lets face it. It wasn’t the way we planned.
And we all sought the advice of others more experienced, either before or after. But they most likely passed on their coping mechanisms for the life they settled on. After all, no one wants to admit their failures. We all just begin to make excuses and rearrange our priorities. We hear and say things like: Life is full of disappointment. We have to play the hand life deals us. learn to accept it learn to deal with it.
And so we begin to settle. We lose small battles and adapt to downplay the losses. Instead of regrouping and refusing to accept the loss, we continue to settle. We settle down. We settle up. We settle our differences. Instead of accepting ourselves for who we are, we compromise. One after the other until we wake up many, many years later in a life that is not ours.
This is my biggest fear. Having a life different from the one I planned for myself. I don’t have all the answers, but I do know that I will never settle. It may take longer than I planned but I want it all. The whole thing and nothing less.
Good luck to you all. Never settle. Never compromise. Get it all. The skys the limit.
 Now, My response:
 

I have to admit, I found myself wincing a few times as I read your blog, but I realized that I was doing that because what you were saying was so true. We do settle, and most times we do so because the alternative is loneliness. People are afraid of loneliness. I was afraid of loneliness, but I had to change my thinking. Now I look at it as opportunity. I look at my friends who are in relationships and they always have to check in with their mate before they make decisions because now, there is another person who can be affected by whatever they chose to do. I look at my friends with children and now they can't even go out and the things they may have done because it’s no longer about their wants and needs any more. So, yes, I am single and "sometimes Lonely, but liberated to understand" but the most important thing that I have right now is my freedom and independence. If I want to drop 200 hundred dollars on Carols Daughter, I can, because its just me. I can go to shows, and travel and pursue my dreams and goals, and not clean my house, or keep it immaculate because that is what I want to do. Without having to check in with anyone about it. And that is the difference with knowing yourself and being forced to settle. When you know yourself and you are comfortable with who you are, you won't settle because you understand that you are better than that. I read this forwarded email a friend sent me and it was basically stating the differences between women and girls. It said that women basically have so much going on in their lives that men are necessary accessories, but you can still be fly without them. And I agree. Ultimately everyone wants to be loved and all that, but until its your time are you going to sit around and mope about it, or even worse, be in a relationship with someone that treats you wrong, or is all bad for you, just so you can say you have someone? Why would you settle for polyester when you can have silk? When you have your own LIFE going on, when you are doing your own thing, you don't have time to settle. And the one that is worth it will see that you are worth it too and do what he or she has to do to get your attention, because that is what a true relationship is really about. Two COMPLETE people coming together and complimenting each other. Stop trying to find someone who will complete you and complete yourself. Then someone who can compliment who you already are and vice versa will be a better fit, and there will be no need to settle. One thing you said J, was that “instead of accepting ourselves for who we are, we compromise,” and that is so true. That’s why we need to take this time of singleness and freedom and truly get to know ourselves. I’m excited about this time that I have now and I plan to take full advantage of spending time with me, getting to know me and completing me. I refuse to settle for less than what I want. And that is just the way it is!

Peace

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 10:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

“I was never in that camp of a night out with someone is better than a night out alone. I was someone, and there was always something to do with me. I actually enjoyed polishing my nails or washing my hair and sitting in front of the mirror to admire the effect – for myself. Anything that gave me pleasure wasn’t a waste of time...” Mama Day by Gloria Naylor

 
 

            So many times, I find myself living in the land of the grass is always greener. No matter what I have going on, the grass will always look better on the other side of the fence. I may have a nice pool, with a deck and huge grill. I might have my oversized umbrella protecting my ice-cold pitcher of mango iced tea from the suns rays. But as soon as I step toward that fence, and look into my neighbors yard, I want what they have. I came to the harsh conclusion the other day that of my friends and I am one of the few who is truly single. Now, by single I don’t mean, without a boyfriend. By single, I mean, just that, single. Not talking to anyone, not dating anyone, not involved, or even looking to be involved for that matter. For a brief moment this week, I turned my back on my own backyard and began to look over the fence. I saw the couple lounging together, laughing, sharing, enjoying life, it was beautiful, and I wanted that. Suddenly, what I had wasn’t enough, and I began to listen to that little nagging voice in my head that screams out “B, you’ve been single forever, and if you keep it up, you’re going to BE single forever. Get it together girl and get you a man before you die an old maid.” 

            This past week, I got the chance to hang with my girls. I was in the company of my sisters who were in their careers, doing their thing, beautiful and happy with life. I loved it. It was nice to just be grown for a minute! LOL! But as usual with groups of women, we began to discuss relationships and their impact on our lives. And talking to my girls, and being in the environment I was in, I realized that I was perfectly fine exactly where I was. Its funny because I honestly do have those moments where I begin to doubt myself and wonder if maybe I should try settling down and dating someone. That maybe something is missing from my life, and having a man will somehow magically fix the insecurities and doubts I have. (LOL!!! sorry, back to the blog) That maybe I am enjoying my freedom too much. I mean really, here I am fresh off a plane from gallivanting all over Houston for an entire week, where I enjoyed MAJOR doses of tomfoolery like I didn’t have a care in the world. Comparatively, when it comes down to it, I am extremely blessed. When I want to go somewhere, I go. When I want to do something, I do it. When I want to say something I say it, all because I simply can. Since I have been on my Pro-Brandelyn kick, I have been having a wonderful time with me, and feeling less and less bad about it. Yesterday, in talking to my Twin Soul, I told her, I know that I am somebody’s wife and somebody’s mother. I am way too maternal and giving and loving not to be. But until HE finds me (“HE that findeth a wife, FINDETH a good thing…Amen) I should enjoy my freedom and independence. I have tons of goals to accomplish, even more now since I left the festival. But there is nothing missing in my life, not even a man. So I will sit back on my deck, watch the water ripple on my pool, drinking my mango iced tea and enjoy my own backyard. Because that is how it is supposed to be…for now!

Peace,

Brandelyn

Posted by Brandelyn at 01:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

“I bring Me Flowers” By Thea
I bring me flowers
because I like how they smell
how they make me feel
and how special they are
I don't wait for them to arrive by messenger
or dancing bear
I don't make a big show of it
I simply place my knees in the soil
cut at the base
and pluck
In honor of me getting what I want
Inspired by the desire to satisfy myself
the way one no one else can
So I light candles during the day
Play honest music
without word play
just passion and pain
over soft guitar strumming.
I don't buy the panties he may like
Instead I buy an assortment that makes
me feel like school girl/pornstar
like librarian/dominatrix
because that shit is hot
and that is what is important
I bring myself tea when I am sick
the way another woman would know to do
because those are the small things that men tend to miss
and that is okay
because I do it for myself anyway
I stroke my hair lovingly
the way talani does when she is sleepy
the way my mother did when I was sleep
the way I wish he'd know to do
without me having to ask him too.
I do this to set my standards high
I do this because if I want to be adored
I must first inspire adoration
I pour myself wine
ask how my day was
and sometimes I cry
just to feel something
I bring me flowers because
I deserve them
and he should know that.

~Thea
 
            I absolutely love this poem. I wrote it out and placed it on my wall next to my front door and I read it on my way out. Its kind of like my new mantra. Last night, I FINALLY got back into my apartment and began to put it back together. Cleaning, scrubbing, fluffing, and folding, just getting things back in order. I left all of the electronics off and just basked in the quiet, it was so nice. I didn’t answer my phone and let the silence envelop me. I cooked dinner, poured my Bacardi Silver into a wine glass and ate dinner in my home. I forgot at the last second that the game was on and turned it on with enough time to watch the over time. My heart was broken by Dallas’ lost, but such is life. I poured another glass of wine, lit all of my candles, took a shower, burned my oils and again, enjoyed my house. It was in that moment that I realized how much I have grown. I am constantly growing and moving, but this whole “Gray” period I’m in has been so refreshing. I’m learning to take care of myself and love myself and appreciate myself and all that I have accomplished. I bring myself flowers because I know that I am worth it and capable of doing it for myself. I make myself tea because I realize that I don’t have to wait for anyone to take care of things for me, I can handle it on my own. I am learning that anything a man does for me should be out of appreciation and not necessity. The first time I read this poem, a chord was struck in me and I realized that I needed to stop waiting for some man to come and sweep me off my feet and learn to be content with everything as it is. And I know now, for sure, I know for a fact that I am.

            I had lunch with a friend today and she was staring at me and told me that I had a glow. I know that I have the glow that comes with being in love. I’m in love with me and for the first time when I actually say that, I know in my heart that it is actually true! LOL! That’s a really good feeling. Maybe that’s why all of the negative things and people in my life have all but disappeared and the positive and beautiful people, old and new are starting to resurface. Maybe that’s why I have such a big smile on my face…

 

Posted by Brandelyn at 01:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

            So I was going through the responses of yesterday’s blog and there seems to be a common theme. It seems as though men view black women as (and I’m being extremely general here) money hungry, selfish and self-centered. Black women look at Black men as being underachievers, greedy (especially when it comes to women) and afraid of black women, respectively. The problem with this is that these ideas are very general. Yes there are some women who are gold diggers and will only date men with a certain bank account. But, there are some women, such as myself, who just want a man who is on her level. I’m not necessarily talking about education wise, (we’ll get to that in a minute) but intellectually and financially. I know I’m not balling out of control, but I am taking care of myself, handling my business and getting things done. Why is it wrong for me to expect the man I’m dating to do the same thing? Why am I a considered bourgeois if I want a man who is my match? I’m certainly not asking for much. I’m not a big fan of the dude who comes with expensive gifts and feels like he has to impress me with material things. All that is played! I can buy myself expensive gifts, or other things (Cousin…Carol got me again!!! LOL!!!).  Honestly, I am way more impressed with a man who is simply handling his business and getting things done. To me there is nothing sexier then being able to go kick it over my man’s apartment and its all his, just being able to go to his house, just like he can come to mine and spend time with each other. Its not really about the apartment, its more about the pride and confidence that comes from having something that’s yours. That is sexy as hell! But I digress…

            Anyone who knows me knows that I have mixed feelings about formal education. If you go, or went to a predominately white university like I did, the education received in the classroom is not nearly as valuable as the education received outside. The problem with top tier universities is that they teach students that you are the cream of the crop and that you will have a golden ticket in life once you leave this institution. After this ideology has been engrained into your head for four or five, or six (LOL) years, people begin to rely on these lies. They begin to think of themselves as ‘better than’ just because they go to this school, or they have a degree from this school. They begin to look at people who chose not to go to school, or who didn’t have or didn’t take advantage of the educational opportunities we may have had that would have allowed them to get into college. We begin to look down on people who opted out of the traditional path and are trying something else. Especially Black people. Now of course I’m not speaking of the individuals who simply have no hope and are content with just chillen’ in the corner…I mean, to each his own. But I am more so speaking about the brotha who has a job, or is taking classes at the community college, or vocational school, just trying to make it happen. We get caught up in the thinking that if that person doesn’t take the path we have been told is the ‘correct path’ then they are not worth our time. I have seen it a million times. A Black woman with a degree (we won’t even call it an education) will not even give a brotha without a degree a chance, or if she does, deep down, she is telling herself the reasons why it would not be considered settling because he has a good job or he treats her right or whatever. She tries to think of ways to justify her non-degree holding man to her friends, who will always ask about that, for reasons I still have yet to figure out. Or on the flip side, a Black man with a degree will more then likely not date a Black woman with a degree because they are too challenging or have too high expectations. Essentially, they won’t take any shit from them, so they opt to go for the women who will “appreciate’ them without asking for too much. The problem is that we are all so busy trying to prove our worth to each other, that the competition overwhelms what’s important. I feel like it’s almost to the point where we are going to start wearing t-shirts with our resumes displayed on them. An instant indication of whether or not someone is worth our time.

            I think that as a people, we need to learn to deprogram ourselves and start looking at people as individuals. We have a natural tendency to stereotype ourselves without even taking the time to get to really know each other. Like I said yesterday, if you meet someone and you have an attraction to them, just run with it. Let go of your preconceived ideas and see what happens. Honestly, what could it hurt to step outside of your box and try?

Posted by Brandelyn at 10:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

 

            Recently I had a conversation about Black men with a couple of Black men that I admire a lot. We were discussing the ratio of men to women in college and the epidemic of Black men leaving sisters behind for others. This conversation wasn’t your typical discussion on this topic, but rather I got a lot of insight. Now before I go on, let me state for the record that I firmly believe in the credo, ‘to each his own.’ If you want to get you a white girl, then get a white girl. The only time I have a genuine problem with it is when, and I have seen this happen on numerous occasions, a brother who is dating a white girl will drop her hand, or step slightly away from her when he sees a sista coming his way. Come on man, if that’s your girl, then be with your girl. Yes, we see you with your white girl, but we are also going to think that you are weak if you can just leave your girl hanging just because another Black woman is walking in your direction. Anyway, I digress.

            I can honestly say, that in my eyes, Black men are the best thing since sliced bread. I love them, and yes, Brothas I realize how difficult it is to be a black man in this country. You are constantly being bombarded with images of crime and success equals money, cars, gold teeth and big booty women. Education is becoming less and less accessible and the Black family has honestly all but disappeared. It’s scary to think that a Black man surviving past the age of 21 is a minor miracle in about 80 percent of this country. Constantly, daily, Black men are being told that they aren’t shit and will never be shit in this country. You can only be told something so many times before you begin to believe it. So it is no wonder that a Brotha who was able to escape these barriers, get past this thinking and get an education and define his own measure of success, is a hot commodity amongst Black women.

            Talking with my boys the other night, they explained that a lot of times these men have too many options and take advantage of these options because they know they can. I personally dated a man who told me that because he had more than one degree behind his name and that he had a job and his own place that I was the one who needed to work to keep his attention. I needed to show him how interested I was in him, and prove to him that I was worth his time and interested enough in him to keep him around. Needless to say he got dropped like a bad habit, but honestly, you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.  I could have stayed with him and sacrificed myself in order to please him, or I could date someone who stands for something completely opposite of my ideals, or I could just get a couple of cats and call it a day. What is the answer? I know one thing is that a lot of times we overlook that good brotha who is trying to do his thing. A lot of times we set in our minds this perfect ideal who is exactly every single thing you think the perfect man should be. I hate to say it, but that doesn’t exist. No one is perfect and everyone will do and say things that will get on your nerves, or that you don’t like, but the trick is to find someone who is most compatible with you and make it work. Find someone who is perfect for you and step out of the fantasy created by television and the media. There are so many good men who just want to treat you right and be good to you but may not fall into the educational, or financial criteria you may have set for yourself. Instead of complaining that there are no good Black men out there, maybe we should stop discounting men before they even open their mouths. The media is doing an excellent job of breaking brothas down, but Sistas, so are we. Maybe that is something we should think about.

Peace!

Posted by Brandelyn at 09:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)