What do you Love?

Sometimes, we need simple reminders that life isn’t that bad. Too often we get caught up in the negative, the news, drama at work or home, family problems, blah, blah, blah. The other day I was reading a random book and this question stood out on the page, and it caused me to pause and think about it. I began to get curious and decided to do some research. I asked this question to my people, my friends, my family,random strangers on the streets of Oakland, my students, offering no explanation; no disclaimer, just the words and these were their delightful and uplifting responses.

“In N Out, sleeping in, my dog, miles of green grass, a good clean joke, when a student has an "aha" moment, black people, all people, childhood memories, overcast days in so-cal, dusk, hot tea, people watching..”

“JESUS! and ICE CREAM and MY MOMMY, SISTER, and BROTHER!!!....guess I should put this one BEFORE the ice cream :-/ LMAO…”

“I love being in love…”

“I love myself first. I love my family and most of all, I love what life has to offer me, the ups and downs, the trials and tribulations, and the joys life brings…”

“I love music, my dog, traveling, Marin headlands, reading a great book, MICHAEL JACKSON…”

“The little things in life, like when someone gives me a sticker at random times :)…”

“I love love, family, food, music, purses and earrings!”

“Family, hubby, ice cream, old couples holding hands, organic fruits and veggies, nostalgia, success, God, life's lessons, red velvet cake, friends, bright nail polish, natural perfumes, naps, cuddling, kisses, hugs, smiles, winks, caresses, intuition, earrings, women with verve, men with class, black history, my wedding ring, eye shadows, organic soaps, massage oils, soul music, comfy couches, farmers marks, community gatherings, thunderstorms, beaches, mountains, experience, good poetry, cute dresses, flowers, natural hair, chocolate, instant connections.”

“People, family, friends, life, God, myself, new opportunities, seeing the important people in my life on a regular basis, music, people watching, non understanding of women, psychology, helping people…”

“My Cell phone…”

“My family, loyal friends, dark chocolate, ice cream, that feeling after getting your hair done, a good pair of shoes, ice cold sweet tea, peanut butter on a spoon!”

“the smell and sound of the ocean, long naps, piggy back rides, yard sales, thrift stores, a child's laugh…”

“I love ... unconditional love {GOD}

I love ... reading, reflecting, translating what i learn into movement. I love inspiration and I love to inspire.

I love twitter ;)

I love journaling.

I love seeing REAL change.

I love honesty.

I love music.

I love fashion.

I love swagg.

I love Philly.

I love the East Coast in general. I love travelling. I love meeting new people. (sometimes)

I love learning how to love me better so I can love someone else better.”

“I love my family and friends, laughing til my tummy hurts, chocolate, coffee, music and I love LOVE”

“God, family, friends, honey, chocolate, nature(rivers, oceans, trees), sunset, the feeling after waking up from a good nap/sleep, good tasting FOOD, children, ,laughter, seeing a black man interacting with his son, a babies laughter...”

“Soft, wet kisses on my neck, warm hugs, slow dancing, ice cream, trail mix, sunshine, my son's smile, my dog's love, my chocolate skin, my kinky and versatile hair, life ...”

“Myself. My fam. My sands. ♥”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today, I made a conscious choice to be happy. I left my cell phone at home, no twitter, supposed to be no facebook, but I had to get some input, so I’m justified! LOL! If anyone comes at me with any negativity, I block it. I’m feeling delightfully light and free. I want to think about love today, not necessarily romantic, but love in the sense of being full, warm, happy, light. So here is my list of things I love… in no particular order… =D

Music that stirs the soul, the smell of a used bookstore, black clothes with silver accessories, spontaneous meetings, Oakland, people who are brave enough to say how they feel, stickers, giving compliments to strangers, smiles, sushi, green tea, milk chocolate, lyrics that offer something new every time you hear them, black men, men who smell good, hard meaningful hugs, silence, candles, my living room floor, thrift stores, sales, artists, the color purple: the color, the book and the movie, wearing my brothers clothes, chucks, cocoa and Shea butter baby oil gel, blank pieces of paper, new journals, chocolate chip cookies with macadamia nuts, the humming sensation I get in my chest when I sing, breaks from technology, sitting in the grass, real conversations, a good book, music that fades into the background, my family, pastor woods, my church, burnt orange, days with no agenda.

I hope these things make you smile. I hope it picks you up and inspires you to have a good day.  I know I will print this out and keep this for those times I need reminders. Summer is here, the sun is out, let’s live!

Peace Y’all!
B

I prayed toward the moon
Hoping that the distance would be far enough away
to take this away
and for once leave a hole
instead of trying to find ways to fill this empty space

I'm simply searching for my escape

If I had one wish today
It would be to turn off these emotions that are so vital to my being

The heart and soul of my creativity

Today I want to simply be
Turn off this sensation that keeps my eyes aware of the constant presence of selfish tears
I prayed to leave here
Walk past this portion of my destiny, turn my head and ignore it
like I did that homeless man on the street
To smell chlorine, or maybe even bleach
Any kind of substance that will wipe my essence clean
I'm tired of looking and feeling and being mean
But not as much as I have enjoyed it lately
I wonder when I will stop hearing my Nana's voice every time I get the urge to cuss
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
The world I'm in right now is simply too much
I prayed for trust
Prayed for that moment in time when that thing that I've been saving myself for
Working so hard toward
Claiming to have faith for
Searching far and wide through the distance for
Begins to shine
And I'll relax and know that all of this
Wasn't in vain
I want to pray
Release these words to the heavens to the only one who can actually fix things
Kiss the wounds and make it better
The one who was clever enough to think I was strong enough to handle this mess
But I don't think I am
Sometimes I do honestly and sincerely wish all of this would just come to an end
So I could finally look God in the face and ask why
What was the point
And why was everything so hard
Because down here
We are told to keep quiet
Not to get mad
Just be silent, keep smiling, Take it and pray
That's all I was taught to do anyway
But the moon was too far to catch the trails of these fears
And God didn't pick up the phone
So who can I talk to
That will grant me my wishes
And allow me to once again
Appreciate the breeze and look up to send kisses
And not fades wishes
to the moon

© 2010 Brandelyn N. Castine

© 2010 Brandelyn N. Castine 

1. We never know the impact we have on people. I will never fully understand it, but when someone says they need me, I am there. When I don't hear those words, I am there anyway.
   
2. That is something I truly love about myself.
   
3. I am a person who does not respond well to compliments but will soak in harsh words and will wear them like my skin tone
4.  I listen to Jill Scott on repeat because she answers my questions, about life, in general
1. I promise we are related
2. I’m just sayin’
5.  Music is my sanity
   
6. I have accomplished a lot but feel like they are just baby steps on the road to my destiny
1. Hungry to take real strides
7. I love random words like cascade, behoove,  and word
1. And I mean 'word' in the I agree with you sense
2. I like saying it
8. I love the crackling sound a brand new book makes when you open it for the first time
9. I have grown to love hardcover books, but there is something about a nice worn paperback book that you got for a quarter off of the back rack in the used bookstore down the street
10. I carry Tide to go sticks with me everywhere because I am not one of those perfect people who can wear white clothes and ever get anything on it.
    
11. I am not one of those perfect people who can wear any color and not get anything on it
12. And I just really love the concept of tide to go sticks and how well they actually work, but I wonder if it is actually just water...
    
13. I could spend my Saturdays in used bookstores wearing a sundress with my shoulders out, big hair that is untamed, sandals and unpolished toes, and be truly happy
14. I love the light the floats into someone’s eyes when you offer a simple hello, a gentle reminder that I see you and no you are not invisible
1. I need that myself sometimes, which is why I constantly speak to people I see on the street, random strangers who are going through life, trying to keep their head above water, just like me
2. We are all the same. I forget that sometimes. We all breathe, cry, sweat and believe.
3. Or at least try to believe
4. In each other, despite the disappointment, In our dreams, despite the fear, In ourselves, despite ourselves
15. I love cupcakes, any kind really, but my favorite is white cake with white frosting.
1. I wonder if there is some kind of subconscious message in that
16. I'm a big girl, struggling to love herself everyday
17. I have had 350 million conversations about my weight and why having so much of it is bad, and why I should be unhappy, and unsatisfied with my life and how I should go to Ross, stock up on those silky animal print moo-moos and hide my shame behind a mean fried chicken recipe and flat worn down shoes that lean a little to the left, because as a big girl, I don't deserve to be as fly as I am...
    
18. <_<
    
19. I have always wondered why I should be ashamed of myself, why I should hide, cry, feel unsatisfied
20. I justify these conversations by saying that this person loves me, they care, so I nod, with my head cocked slightly to the left because I am listening, but it is rare that someone listens to me
21. If they did listen, they would hear me say that I have tried every diet under the sun, binged, exercised, girdled, hidden and tortured my temple for the sake of pleasing others until I realized that it just wasn't going to happen, I was not going to get down to the perfect size 6
1. I need to find the person who determined 6 to be the perfect size so I can slap them
2. I need to find the person who invented the word perfect so I can slap them too
3. I am deleting perfect from my vocabulary…
4. Done
22. If anyone would listen to what I had to say, I would say that at my last doctors appointment I was called a miracle because my blood pressure , cholesterol, sugar levels and whatever else they test came back better than a patient who runs marathons for living
23. I would say that I have bad knees because it is hereditary, and not because of my weight
24. I would say that I don't eat fast food, but drink wheat grass every morning, only started eating meat again after 3 years because my nutritionist said I wasn't getting all the vitamins and nutrients I need to maintain my energy and I drink enough water every day to drown a fish, and yes sometimes that is to mask the random coffee binges I go on, but I drink a lot of water none the less
25. Yes I love sweets and coffee, sue me
26. I am the picture of perfect health in a big girls frame because guess what, God made me this way
27. My size has opened my eyes to more than I can articulate and I'm destined to teach people how to love themselves as they are and to block out these conversations
28. But people don't listen, they are concerned, so they talk, and I listen, fighting with everything I have to block out the negative and let it float past me and not let it wrap itself around me and cover me like a shroud
29. I guess that's why I started talking to myself, justifying my crazy with the fact that I am an artist and this is exactly what I am supposed to do, internalize the ugly, swallow it whole, suck it out of the world so that it can't hurt someone who isn't strong enough to take it and regurgitate all of it back out in the form of something beautiful and let them know, its okay
30. Yeah, I am learning and most of all I am accepting who I am and really learning to like this chick who cuts her own hair, wears the busted pair of ugg boots to work just because she likes the way she walks in them
31. I go off on tangents that have nothing to do with the original conversation and blame it on my A.D.D.
32. When I say something, I mean it because to me, saying something out loud makes it real and is one of the most important acts of faith
33. I like to sit in silence sometimes and just clear my head, allow my thoughts to float free and travel until they settle down
34. I heard a poem last night that reminded me of how much I miss the 80’s. The days when people actually talked to each other and didn’t rely on text messages or emails to relay life changing messages. When kids had to go outside and play because watching that bouncing ball on Atari was only fun for so long. I miss the days of me being the family’s personal answering machine because we didn’t have an electronic one. When we would eat dinner together and sit down together to watch the Cosby show and a different world, when kids read actually books instead of electronic copies on little devices. When earphones were not worn as frequently as earrings. I miss those days, when people came together and face to face conversations weren’t a rarity that was to be treasured.
35. Blast technology. BLAST I say!
36. I am adding Blast to my list of words I like
    
37. I prefer to start writing my novels by hand before I start typing
1. That is how Maya Angelou wrote all of her books, every last one of them, and then she hands her handwritten pages over to someone to type them up for her
2. If we don’t leave a paper trail, our history would be lost. In a few years, everything will be electronic and we won’t even need museums and libraries any more because we will just be able to see what we need from the comforts of our own living rooms…
3. We are becoming hermits and don’t even realize it
4. There is a reason it feels so good to be outside and laughing and joking with real life human beings
5. Think about it.
38. I love God, like with an intensity that I can feel, physically, that makes me always want to be around Him and hide when I don’t act right.
1. I’ve been hiding a lot lately
2. Except, He can totally see me, so its not really hiding at all
3. Come back to me…
   
4. I hear you Jesus
39. I can’t stand it when people try to act a certain way in front of me because they know how much I love God, or that I am a published author, or a Delta, or whatever other things people want to attach to me that they feel should make me behave differently than I actually do.
    
1. If you knew me...
   
2. Just be yourself, and stop placing me in boxes.
40. A lot of times I feel invisible. But it is in those moments that I do my best work, so I have learned to embrace it
41. I love that art has no rules…
42. I saw a 17 year old girl last night who’s poetry nearly knocked me over…the fact that art was pouring out of her life was my motivation to shake off this self pity and get back to me. God is giving me a gift of life, time and freedom. I am at a fork in the road and I chose to go left, yield to the destiny God has designed and embrace that I am an artist and it is the gifts and talents and artistry that establish my place in the world. It will be my livelihood, enable me to send my brothers and kids to college, it will allow me to travel and inspire and smile because yes, I am actually satisfied with my life and fully acknowledge what a blessing it is to be able to do what you love, I am ready… and speaking these words because like I said, this is my act of faith.
43. It shall come to pass
44. This is just me…
45. “Love it, or leave it alone.” Alicia Keys

Step one...Protection and preparation...

Just like me...the canvas needs to be prepared for everything that is coming to it. It needs a coat of protection in order to be ready. In my life, that coat of protection comes from my morning devotional time. 

Each time I read the Word of God, I get a little bit stronger. The word I get every morning is just like the Gesso I put on the canvas. It washes over me and coats me, protecting me, preparing me. And most importantly, it is necessary. I need the protection to get through the day...Lord knows I need that protection. 

The next step is sketching the idea in the sketchbook. 

 Just like with my dreams, and the promises that God has given me, I have a vision of what I think it will turn out to be like. So I write them down, watch them play out in my dreams at night and get excited, but I know that what I envision is literally NOTHING on what God has for me. I'm just sayin...

Now that the canvas is coated, prepared and ready, Its now time to take the idea from the sketchbook and transfer it on to the canvas... 

At this point, the changes in the vision become clear, but it is still close enough to what I envisioned for me to recognize that this is still a part of the plan. I can feel safe with this. I feel ready. The awesome things is that you may not be able to fully see the vision, but you know its there...

The tools...

God has already given me everything I need to do what He has called me to do. All I need to remember is that I have them. And I can use them. I have them. 

The Vision become clear...er... 

 Once I have allowed myself to open up to the process, things begin coming more clear. Once I force myself to be quiet, stop asking questions, and simply allow God to use me, I start to see who and what God created me to be.

Switch it up...

 God has blessed us all with multiple gifts and talents. In order to accomplish what He needs to do in us, there will be plenty of times when He requires that we switch it up. So just like this painting, it started out with Acrylic paint, but it was necessary to switch to watercolor, to get the right affect. The key is to listen and obey God when He tells us to make the change. And even after that we still have to make more changes...(note the orange in the painting)

The thing is, God has something amazing planned for each of us. We can choose to tap into that or not. I have always been a dreamer, a BIG dreamer. I don't know what the finished product will look like. I know the vision I have, but I have learned to trust God and trust the process. 10 times out of 10, the way I think something is going to turn out...

(see any orange?) The way something starts is rarely how it finishes. We just have to trust God, trust in the process and know that no matter what, it will turn out to be beautiful in the end... 

Peace Y'all

B