Brandelyn: Lyrical Contradiction

Last week I found myself in Holyoke, MA for a conference for my job. The trip was interesting to say the least, but instead of dwelling on the shenanigans that happened, (yes, racism is still alive and well in the country, no Brandelyn is not made to live in extreme cold, and no I will probably never go back to Holyoke again) I will instead focus on the positive outcomes that came from the trip.

The biggest and most important thing is that I have fallen back in love with the Bay Area. I can’t really say that I fell out of love, but I got comfortable, complacent and bored. I stopped appreciating the freedom that I have here. I can be my size, my color, have my hair be as big and as loud as it wants to be and all I get for it are nods of acknowledgement on the street from strangers and marriage requests from various cab drivers and homeless men on the street. I can be free and me and I love that about the Bay.

I have been really happy ever since I came home. My eyes have been reopened to all of the positive things going on around me and to me and, even though I usually do this in my Gratitude Journal, I would like to share my Gratitude list with you all today. =D

I am grateful for:

1. My book signing tonight. I am participating in a local fundraiser for my job and I was asked to participate as a Community Author. I already have 5 books pre ordered and a lot of excitement about the event. This makes me very happy.

2. The fact that it is 78 degrees outside. After nearly freezing to death, the fact that the sun is out, the sky is perfectly blue, and there are sounds of kids playing outside my office brings so much peace to my life. I now know for a fact that Brandelyn and arctic weather are not a good mix. Thank you and Go Bears

3. This Tea my coworker just gave me. Coconut Chai Black Tea with Cinnamon, Ginger and Island Coconut = Heaven. Now before I get a side eye from my mother who knows how much I dislike the taste of coconut I should say that this tea tastes more like ginger and cinnamon than coconut, but it is amazing. And it is a black tea so it is waking me up and giving my life. I may have to say so long to coffee and get on the healthy train. We shall see.

4. The fact that I'm going to see my brother in a little bit. I really love that he works at my job now. It is amazing how getting hugs from some who genuinely loves you every day can boost your moral.

5. My girl Alise’s blog. This woman is not only ridiculously hilarious, but she is also a phenomenal poet. I check in on her blog during the day, and I always find something that makes me smile, shake my head in judgment, or literally laugh out loud. It really doesn’t get much better. Check out her blog, and my I suggest Smurfgate? This had me in tears.

6. I am grateful to be an artist, poet, and writer. I am so grateful that God has given me gifts that are therapeutic and allow me to escape the world around me and just breathe. I am excited about my upcoming project and all of the projects that will come in the future. I am excited to be challenged and stretched as an artist and I look forward to seeing where I wind up.  

I’m glad that I went to Massachusetts and that I went through what I went through there. I’m glad that I am able to see and appreciate the world around me all the more because of that trip. Everything happens for a reason and if we take a moment to pause and look at the big picture, instead of what’s right in front of us, we may be able to find the beauty in this thing we call life.

Peace Y’all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Last night, my best friend, who is in town for work, came to my house to spend the night and subsequently help me get my life in order. We sat down for our usual pow-wow and I began filling her in on how I have been spending my days. I gave her a day by day break down of my life and she gave me the straightest face I have ever seen.

Please see below:

 .

Right. That's all I'm saying. But her look was justified, I can definitely give her that. 

To give you an idea of why she went Samuel L. on me, here is a sample of my life and activities:

Full Time Job

Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated (which more times than not is my sanity in the storm)

Hosting a bi-weekly Bible study at my house

Editing a Memoir

Ghost Writing a book

Putting the final touches on my own project *details coming very soon

Mentoring the Children

Singing on the Praise Team at church

Singing in the Choir at Church

Needless to say, my life is beyond packed. The other night I sat down on the couch and woke up to the sound of water spilling from the cup I had in my hand because I had literally passed out. You would think that this would be enough of an indicator that I had a problem, but I simply threw a towel on the floor, made my way to my bed and passed out there. The next day, I wore myself out again and kept it pushing. I have resorted to drinking massive amounts of Coffee, not for taste or pleasure, but for survival. I have now gotten to a point where my day cannot start until I have had my coffee. When did I become THAT girl?

I realize that I must actually be allergic or afraid of down time. I don’t know how to slow down, take a break; relax. Everything needs to be scheduled in, calculated, planned down to the tee because as you can see, I don’t have time to waste. Every single moment is accounted for and I have this incessant need to be DOING something. I love being busy, focused, it helps me be productive and handle my business. But my best friend had a great point, being busy is perfectly fine, but being overwhelmed and passing out on the moment I stop for more than five seconds is a red flag and I need to slow down. I think they have a word for it…what is that? Oh yeah, vacation.

The theme of the school year at my job is Simplicity and I am now conscious that I need to find this and practice this in my own life. I am definitely a woman of my word and I am committed to my current activities for the duration of the school year but I am going to practice what I preach and not take on any more commitments until at least January. I am going to get some things off of my plate and clear my space a bit. It is okay for me to back down and relax. I can do this. I can simplify. The first step is acknowledgement right?

Peace Y’all!
B

Posted by Brandelyn at 09:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I want to wrap myself up in the colors of the sky
Allow soft guitar strings to hover above
While traces of blue wash me clean
Leaving me lazy and naked and free
There is no wind here
Just magenta
And purple
Orange
And blue
Flavors and sensations that gently sketch a smile where my worry used to be
Wisps of gray linger in the background
Reminding me of where I've been
In front of me is a crystal blue
Sparkling brightly like all of the things to come
This is right
The softness of these colors
Wrapped gently around the freeness of my skin

 photo Credit: http://www.sarpysam.com/plugin/tag/sunrise

Posted by Brandelyn at 08:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)