Most Days
Most Days
Most days I prefer to lay low. Quiet. Cat-like. Pausing in the shade with my toes in the sunshine concentrating on the ebb and flow of my breath; in and out, in and out, in and out. Expanding. Growing. Blowing. Flowing with the wind. Taking in each moment… slowly….
Most days I like to sit somewhere and read. Mostly books about people I wish someday to be. Real people, fictitious characters who move me with their tales of triumph and defeat. Characters and real people who are smarter than me and who make bad decisions. Real people and characters who teach me how to make better decisions and what happens to a dream or a life when you don’t. In these quiet moments I learn from them. Stretch myself into their situation and pretend, grow, then bend my way out of reality into a space where I am big enough to fly....
Most days I like to be quiet. Not silent, but quiet. I don't want to listen to music, or be on the phone. I don't want to turn on the television or stare at the computers screen. I don't want to listen to the conversations of other people, i just want to breathe. On days like this, I want to be in control of my environment, sit on my living room floor and just be in a place where I can think about the before and then the after, heal from the wounds and mend the scars of the day. Start fresh. Reset. Be. Here, in this space, I can touch my imagination and understand what it means and how wonderful it is to be me....
Most days I need to be touched. Not in a sexual way, but in a way that makes me feel warm. Safe. Giving. The opposite of the touches that float toward me daily. Touches that are designed to remove, snatch, take. I need more. A touch that is rare, sweet, precious like a black pearl, like the days when I would lay my head in my grandmother's lap and she would read to me while rubbing my head. Yes, this is what I need. A head rub, a hand held, butterfly fingers on the small of my back, protective, respectful, loving, necessary. A lifeline, a moment in time that connects my spirit to someone else and brings me down from the clouds where I have been floating...hopelessly...
