Brandelyn: Lyrical Contradiction

            I live for days like this. Where everything is simply everything and my mind is quietly at peace. God has been teaching me a lot lately. A lot about myself, things I need to change, things I need to grow in, things I need to learn and improve on. God has also been teaching a lot about patience and planning. If we haven’t met, Hello My name is Brandelyn Nicole Castine and I am a habitual planner and perfectionist. I like things to be smooth, go the way I need them to go, when I need them to go and how I need them to go. I don’t like dealing with other people because they have a tendency to slow you down, hence my passion for one the most solitary art forms ever, writing. This way can be good, if I don’t let it overtake my life and relationships which is often does, but every day, I learn a little more and I grow a little more.

            Recently I have found myself more than little freaked out about what is going to transpire in the next few months. I haven’t heard anything from the grad school I applied to, my job and income ends in the next two weeks, (Praise God but yikes!) and I have found myself on this emotional rollercoaster because I can’t move forward until I know what is going on with grad school. The Land of Limbo is never a place I want to visit and here I am camping out exactly where I don’t want to be. Yet, instead of freaking out I have learned to take a different approach.

            I have been taking a break from book promotion.  Instead of freaking out because nothing is happening, I have learned to take joy in the fact that I am actually getting a chance to rest and quiet my mind enough to start book number four, which is now officially underway. Instead of worrying about what is going to happen next, I have learned to be grateful for the moment. I found myself truly thanking God today for allowing me to be able to handle all of the business I was able to handle today including paying my rent, in full on time. I have been in a place where paying my rent seemed like the biggest hurdle in the world and today I was able to do it with ease. That is truly a blessing. Instead of getting freaked out about not knowing whether or not I am supposed to be moving to New York month after next, I thank God that He has a plan and purpose for my life and as long as I stay obedient, humble and sensitive to what He is telling me to do, everything will fall into place.

            I guess the moral of the story is I am learning to get over myself, learning to stop tripping myself up and learning to let go and truly trust God. I don’t know what the future holds, but it’s not my job to know. God has not let me down one time since I’ve known Him and there is no way He will stop now. So right now, in this moment, I am learning to breathe, reboot, and let God drive while I take a nap in the passenger seat. (Again, if we haven’t met, I am completely narcoleptic when it comes to transportation, planes, trains, or automobiles, your girl is knocked out!) The bible says quite clearly that I have no need to fear, no need to worry about my life, what I will eat or drink or wear. God is my provider and tonight, I am (literally) going to rest in that and wait (patiently) in eager anticipation of what’s to come. For a perfectionist control freak stand point, I have to say that it is amazing to let someone else take the wheel while I just sit back and ride….

Peace Y’all

B