Kids pretending to be adults
I look at my life and I fully and wholly acknowledge that I have never quite mastered the art of traveling lightly. I’m making progress, no doubt, but I still have a lot to learn. Instead of the giant suitcase and two carryon bags for a weeklong trip to mom’s house, I have learned to take one small carry on item carrying all of the pajamas I could possible need for my weeklong nap in mom’s bed. Instead of the huge purse and canvas bag I learned to carry around in New York, I am down to one canvas bag or purse, depending on the occasion. So I guess the problem is not the amount of bags I carry, it’s more the all of the stuff I carry in my one bag. On any given day I have journals and organizers, laptops, composition notebooks, ipods, cell phones, pens, lips stuff, wallets, I could keep going, but you get it. Whenever I go to the coffee shop I always have to give myself at least five minutes to pack everything up before I can leave. Then I double check the floor and the seat just to make sure one of my little things didn’t fall out and then I’m out. For the most part, I actually wind up using everything I travel with which says a whole lot about my ADD, but as I watch the kids as the table next to me, I can’t help but notice the similarities in our lives.
The theory is that kids need to bring all of this stuff with them to enhance their learning. They carry all of the crayons and crackers to help stimulate their lives, so what is my excuse? I feel like I am past the mental development phase, or am I? Technically I am constantly learning and getting to know myself and I often carry my journal or composition notebook because thoughts come at me faster than a pack of flies and I want to write them down before I forget. But I honestly sit here and wonder if we ever truly grow up. Just like kids I have a tendency to hold onto things until they fall apart or are completely useless because sometimes it just feels better to have it. Of course kids hold onto sweaters and favorite dresses, where I hold on to relationships, mistakes, and ideas. But hanging on to something that needs to let go is still hanging on.
My idea of a grown up is someone who somehow magically manages to keep their apartment clean, is always appropriately dressed for unexpected company or various outings, always has groceries in their house and is essentially very well balanced. A grown up always has money in their account and is always able to take care of those little things that come up right away. That is not my life. In fact, I have never actually met anyone who fits this description. I know that this concept exists because I’m sure if Bill Gates gets a flat tire he can handle it that day, but in my world…everything is a work in progress.
I guess what it all boils down to is that we are all kids, training to be adults. I don’t really know when I will achieve that mark, and if I get there I’ll let you know how it is, but for now, I’ll continue being a kid at heart and pretend to be a grown up when I need to. But for now, the grown up in me want to snatch one of these little kids up and teach them how to clean up after themselves! My momma didn’t play that!
Peace y’all
B