Just another day with the Fam
Times here in So Cal have been quite interesting. My family is as crazy as ever. Monday night I went over to my Aunt’s house to kick as I do every time I come out here and my Aunt told me that she and my Uncle were going to do that lemonade fast. You know the fast with the lemonade, cayenne pepper, molasses, pickle juice, hog maws…whatever that crazy madness is that you are supposed to drink, but you know what I’m talking about. So she and Uncle D were supposed to be doing this fast for the next ten days. So Monday was the first day. So Auntie and I are chillen at the house, I’m helping my little cousin with his homework, my aunt is running around the house straightening up and helping the oldest boy with his homework, while the middle child is in his room playing some crazy video game. My aunt keeps offering me all kinds of food because she doesn’t want it to go to waste since the boys only eat things that come from a microwave or from a box. She herself is a little miffed by her decision to go on with the crazy fast while I am sitting there watching the whole thing go down.
My cousin Daniel made a very interesting observation about his father’s ability to complete this fast.
Daniel: “I bet you dad just tossed all of that lemonade out of the window and rolled over to In and Out and said ‘Give me two double doubles, and hurry up about it! I haven’t eaten all day!”
My aunt, after we all finished laughing, profusely defended her husband and proceeded to go on about how she was craving something crunchy, but they were going to stand strong and stick it out. Most likely the half a bag of spicy pork rinds by her bed that my Aunt has been known to snack on occasionally.
A little while later, Uncle D comes home from work and drops his bag and looks at my aunt.
Uncle D to my aunt, then to me: “Baby, we need to talk about this fast you have us on. Bran, your aunt came to me yesterday talking about this fast she’s all excited about and then I ask her when she wants to start and she says tomorrow. TOMORROW! I mean Bran, I need a little time for some mental preparation.”
Me: “I feel you Uncle D.”
Auntie: “Baby, you don’t want to do the fast?”
Uncle D: “Naw, I’m just saying I need a little mental preparation first. I mean Father’s day is on Sunday. I want to eat a steak! I can’t be drinking this lemonade for ten days without time to prepare!”
Me: “I feel you Uncle D.”
Auntie: “So what you tryna say baby? You want to wait until after father’s day to do it?”
Uncle D: “Yeah, that’s all I’m saying! But it’s up to you. You decide.
Auntie (Tearing into a bag of spicy pork rinds and commencing to crunching): “Hunh?”
Uncle D: “Now that is a damn shame Bran. Look at your Aunt. I didn’t even get the sentence out of my mouth good before you hear crunching. That is a shame. At least I waited for a second.”
So Uncle D who has not eaten all day is now on a mission to find some food. He and I hop in the car and drive to one of the two places that are open at 1:30 in the morning in Duarte, Wendy’s. The whole drive Uncle D is talking about some bread pudding he was being deprived of and how he was going to go to the café first thing in the morning and get some. He then asks me what I think he should get from Wendy’s. I told him to go light since it was almost two am and he hadn’t eaten all day. My uncle agrees and we roll up to the window.
“Yeah, uh, let me get a number 4 (Double cheeseburger with 6 strips of bacon), a root beer float and make those fries the jumbo size. Fill it up! Let me also get a regular cheese burger and small fries (for my aunt), Bran what you want?”
“I’m cool Uncle D.”
“You sure?”
“Yes Uncle D.”
We pull up to the window, pay and leave. Fifteen minutes later, my uncle is passed out on the bed, knocked out having ingested every last bit of his food and float. My aunt and I fell out laughing as we watched the whole thing go down. The next morning as we relayed the story to my cousins, Daniel smirked and said, “Told you.”
The end.
Peace Y’all
B
My cousin Daniel made a very interesting observation about his father’s ability to complete this fast.
Daniel: “I bet you dad just tossed all of that lemonade out of the window and rolled over to In and Out and said ‘Give me two double doubles, and hurry up about it! I haven’t eaten all day!”
My aunt, after we all finished laughing, profusely defended her husband and proceeded to go on about how she was craving something crunchy, but they were going to stand strong and stick it out. Most likely the half a bag of spicy pork rinds by her bed that my Aunt has been known to snack on occasionally.
A little while later, Uncle D comes home from work and drops his bag and looks at my aunt.
Uncle D to my aunt, then to me: “Baby, we need to talk about this fast you have us on. Bran, your aunt came to me yesterday talking about this fast she’s all excited about and then I ask her when she wants to start and she says tomorrow. TOMORROW! I mean Bran, I need a little time for some mental preparation.”
Me: “I feel you Uncle D.”
Auntie: “Baby, you don’t want to do the fast?”
Uncle D: “Naw, I’m just saying I need a little mental preparation first. I mean Father’s day is on Sunday. I want to eat a steak! I can’t be drinking this lemonade for ten days without time to prepare!”
Me: “I feel you Uncle D.”
Auntie: “So what you tryna say baby? You want to wait until after father’s day to do it?”
Uncle D: “Yeah, that’s all I’m saying! But it’s up to you. You decide.
Auntie (Tearing into a bag of spicy pork rinds and commencing to crunching): “Hunh?”
Uncle D: “Now that is a damn shame Bran. Look at your Aunt. I didn’t even get the sentence out of my mouth good before you hear crunching. That is a shame. At least I waited for a second.”
So Uncle D who has not eaten all day is now on a mission to find some food. He and I hop in the car and drive to one of the two places that are open at 1:30 in the morning in Duarte, Wendy’s. The whole drive Uncle D is talking about some bread pudding he was being deprived of and how he was going to go to the café first thing in the morning and get some. He then asks me what I think he should get from Wendy’s. I told him to go light since it was almost two am and he hadn’t eaten all day. My uncle agrees and we roll up to the window.
“Yeah, uh, let me get a number 4 (Double cheeseburger with 6 strips of bacon), a root beer float and make those fries the jumbo size. Fill it up! Let me also get a regular cheese burger and small fries (for my aunt), Bran what you want?”
“I’m cool Uncle D.”
“You sure?”
“Yes Uncle D.”
We pull up to the window, pay and leave. Fifteen minutes later, my uncle is passed out on the bed, knocked out having ingested every last bit of his food and float. My aunt and I fell out laughing as we watched the whole thing go down. The next morning as we relayed the story to my cousins, Daniel smirked and said, “Told you.”
The end.
Peace Y’all
B
