The editor for the magazine I work for forwarded this article to me and it was so...what's the word I'm looking for...ah...ASTOUNDING that I had to post it...I will post my response in tomorrow's blog because this is alot to take in...but please ready this and please please please comment...I'd like to get your thoughts....
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Thought you might want to check this out. www.empressmag.com received this article and I could not believe the nerve of this guy. What's scary is, can some of this actually be true? You will find this piece interesting and at times funny. I'm forewarning you, that he is taking no prisoners. Enjoy!
Why self-proclaimed Good Women can't find or keep a man!
This article might hit home to a few of the young ladies, so read this with the mindset that this is just my opinion. A bunch of my female friends can't seem to understand why they can't pull a good man considering that they are bringing so much to the table. I feel that being a guy that has had the opportunity to date a bunch of good women, yet these good women couldn't crack the combination to my heart, that I can address the subject with some credibility and real life experiences. It's not that these women are bad people or don't have things going for them.
Most of these women are truly Good women, these chicks just have the game twisted in a few areas, not to mention that a bunch of these chicks are really crazy and don't realize it. Never fear, CJ is here to help give you the extra game that you need to succeed. Here are five suggestions or thoughts that can help you.
1.You really ain't all that. Ladies, have you made this statement before: I've got a good job, I've got my own crib, and I look halfway decent, I don't know why I can't find a man?. Okay, let's examine the statement that was just made. Bottom line is you make a little loot and you think you look good. That's cool, those are definitely some appealing qualities.
Every dude wants a woman that keeps herself up and can pay for a meal or two. But chicks with a cute face and big ass come a dime a dozen. What about your personality? How do you react in a group setting? Do you talk too much? Are you the jealous type? Do you have any friends? Can you cook? Can you clean? Do you have a tendency to be crazy at times (aka- do you overact?)
See, a lot of females have the mindset that because they have a corporate job and make over $70,000 that this automatically makes them a good catch. WRONG! Y'all gotta treat the dating process like an employment process. Your crib and your looks will get you an interview, but you still have to sell yourself once you get inside the office. If you go into your job interview speaking ebonics, you won't get the job. And if you try to walk into a relationship without any substance to support your polish, you will get kicked to the curb as soon as we meet another cute chick at Stonetrail on a Saturday night that makes a little money and has a few less issues than you do.
So my advice is, look beyond the material things that you have and the makeup that you buy from the MAC store, and see if there are any weaknesses that you can improve upon to make yourself a more complete person. Oh, and another thing, quit making a big deal about you not having any kids. Granted, that equates to less baggage and less potential drama, but if you have to sell yourself by indicating that you don't have any kids, then you need help. Sometimes that can hurt you, especially if you're in your 30's. The first thing we think is What is so wrong about her that nobody wants to put a baby in her?? Sad, but that's how some guys think. I'm just being real. You want the truth, I'm giving you the truth. Okay, let me move on to the next topic before I say something I will regret.
kids. Granted, that equates to less baggage and less potential drama, but if you have to sell yourself by indicating that you don't have any kids, then you need help. Sometimes that can hurt you, especially if you're in your 30's. The first thing we think is What is so wrong about her that nobody wants to put a baby in her?? Sad, but that's how some guys think. I'm just being real. You want the truth, I'm giving you the truth. Okay, let me move on to the next topic before I say something I will regret.
2. Blend in. This may be the realest thing that I have to say: A man knows that he has a good woman when she can come over to the crib and we really don't even notice that she is there Let me do my Mike Jones impression and repeat this, I said A man knows that he has a good woman when she can come over to the crib and we really don't even notice that she is there. The underlying theme behind this point is level of comfort. To really go the distance with someone, you have to be friends.
Ladies, if you can come over to the crib and be treated like one of the boys, that's a good sign that you are on the right track. If you come to the crib and the atmosphere is calm and relaxing, you're on the right track. But if every visit to our crib turns out to be an event, the relationship won't last very long. Here are some examples of how you can help accomplish this:
If he's watching the game, don't throw hints about wanting to watch Desperate Housewives or some other show.
The first thing out of your mouth when you walk through the door shouldn't be "I'm hungry" or "What are we going to eat?" Sit yo azz down on the couch for a few minutes before you start trying to dictate the evening.
If he's focused on the game, or a TV show, don't run your mouth. Shut up, give him peace and quiet, and let him watch his damn show! Pick up a magazine or something.
If we ask you how was your day, keep the response to less than 15 seconds. We don?t want to hear about the b*** at work that you don't get along with.
Don't start going through things when you get to the house. Sit still in one place. (I know sit still is Country) Don't start looking at mail on the counter or
fiddling with the coupons in the kitchen drawer. We get nervous when y'all start messing with stuff. You might find those Kappa Beach Party pictures from 7
years ago that we've been hiding.
Don't be rushing us when you get to the crib. Don't say things like "You ain't ready yet??" Just sit down, shut up, and wait for us to get ready.
I realize that the way that I'm communicating this may be coming off as rude, but I'm just trying to break it down for y'all as best I can. Blending in will get you further than you think. Once you become an annoyance or high maintenance at the crib, we won't invite you back over.
3.Get some "country" in you. Country girls are bred to take care of their man and find a husband. They are raised to cook, clean, and cater to their man in other ways that I can't mention here. These "city girls" are losing out. These city girls are taught to be independent. Personally, I think a combination of country and being independent is most desirable, but country girls are trained to find a man and they are good at it too. See, in the country, there aren't a lot of corporations, so you have more housewives than not. The country usually has one big factory or plant, and the goal is for these women to pull a man that works at this factory or plant.
I grew up in the country so I know the deal. Now that Dallas and other cities are growing, these country girls are moving to these suburbs and are on the prowl, and their skills at pulling a man are more fine-tuned than those of the city girls. Once a guy has had a "country girl", he gets accustomed to certain things.
If he later dates a city girl, and she doesn't do some of those same things, it puts them at a disadvantage. I'm not telling y'all to change who you are, but doing some of the following things will help:
Cook! If you can't cook, learn to cook. I've seen some females that have no desire to cook whatsoever. And don't just cook for him, cook enough so that his boys can eat. That gives you instant props with our boys and they'll keep reminding us that we have a good woman and that we shouldn't mess it up.
If you go to his place, clean up every now and then. I'm not saying that you should turn into Florence from the Jefferson's, but make an effort every now and then. We'll reciprocate by washing your car or helping you put together a shelf or a desk or something like that.
When he comes over to your crib, serve him a beer without him having to ask for one. For extra cool points, drink one with him. If his beer or drink gets low, automatically refill it for him.
Don't be so aggressive all the time. Let him do the talking sometimes. We hate it when we go to a restaurant and y'all try to take over. If someone asks a question to both of you, let him be the first to respond or at least give him the opportunity.
Keep yourself fixed up at all times. Country girls always keep themselves semi fixed-up because the country is small and you never know who you are going to run into even if you're just going to the convenience store. City girls tend to only fix themselves up when they're going somewhere special. Try to take the additional time to be more presentable in front of your man, even if it is just a day where you are lounging around and aren't doing anything special.
4. Find a Balance. This means many things, but a female has to have personal balance to keep the relationship stable. The balance that I am referring to involves knowing the appropriate point involving crowding your man and giving him his space. I am a big believer that females must have other female friends that they can hang out with from time to time. There is nothing we hate more than becoming involved with a female that has no friends. This always leads to problems.
For starters, we can't get a break. Instead of you being able to spread out your problems among multiple friends, we always get the phone call when something goes wrong. Eventually it wears on us when we receive 6 phones calls in a 2 hour period because you feel inclined to update us on any progress involving your issues.
Second, it makes it tougher for us to go out with our boys. You may give us some freedom for a month or two to hang out with our boys and play ball,
watch the game, or play some dominoes but there will be that one day that you feel slighted because we didn't ask you to come along with us. See, a female with friends, have their spa days and that equates to a guy hanging out with his boys. But if the female has no friends, and watches Lifetime all day, she may get upset if we choose to hang out with our friends instead of hanging out with her, even if we do spend the majority of our time with her anyway.
On another note, having female friends lets us know that you can get along with other females. I've always found it strange when a female didn't have any female friends. It says a lot about their ability to get along with others. The response I always get is, "Females are messy", so you choose not to deal with them. That's a cop out. You don't have to be buddy buddy with these females, but you should still have a set of female friends that you can call up when you want to hang out every now and then. Bottom line, try to have a few female acquaintances so that you don't end up being a total burden on your man.
5. Recognize that you're crazy and try to rehab your "craziness". I won't hammer this issue to death, but here are signs of craziness. If you have more than two of these qualities, then you need to realize that you are crazy and go to "crazy rehab". Here they go:
Have you ever went through your man's things? E-mail, Cell phone, drawers, phone records, etc.
Have you ever showed up at his crib unannounced?
Have you brought up the term "marriage" less than 3 months into the relationship?
Do you continuously call your man on his cell phone when he's hanging out with his boyz?
When you've asked to come over just for the night, do you end up bringing a bag for the entire weekend?
Do you always bring up the fact that your mother wants
grand-kids?
Are you always "ready to go" when y'all are hanging out with his friends?
Do you ever sit home and drink a whole bottle of wine by yourself?
Have you ever threatened to kill your man if he cheats?
Do you take any medications for depression?
Are you always quick to assume that your man is cheating in situations where you have a difficult time getting a hold of him or his behavior changes?
In past relationships, have you ever slashed any tires or broken any windows?
Have you told him that he has to get rid of all his platonic female friends?
Do you change your hairstyle a lot? (Sign of being unstable).
If you have two or more of these qualities, you have been officially diagnosed as crazy. The first step is getting past the denial stage. Please admit that you are a few fries short of a happy meal, or a few sandwiches short of a picnic. After that has been accomplished, actively work on changing your
behavior. Don't go through our cell phone or e-mail, and then two weeks later ask us "Who is Keisha?" as if we can't figure out that you've been going through our things.
When we're out with our boys, make an effort not to bother us and refrain from calling our cell. Let me have my time to kick it without having to be
interrupted because you're lonely or bored, or just want to talk. The list goes on and on.
In closing, if you are able to follow the advice outlined in the 5 points above, you should have no problem keeping or finding a good man. But if you choose to disobey my advice, you may be in for some serious ups and downs. If you have any questions, please e-mail me at
datedoctor@cjspencer.com.
Don't forget to foward it to your friends.
