Brandelyn: Lyrical Contradiction

            So…yeah. My weekend did not go as planned. Thursday night after going to the Corrine Bailey Rae show, which was awesome by the way, my Cancer Sister J and I got into a really crucial accident. And rather than dwelling on what has been on my mind for the past three days, we are both fine, we both were able to get out of the car and walk away from the scene (fairly) unscathed. God is good. I do however have to touch on our experience in the ER after the accident.

 So, because of the impact my girl hit her head, so just as a precaution, we went to the emergency room to make sure she was cool. Normally, my tomfoolery spidey senses are always on high alert, but that night…not so much. As we walked up the metallic ramp into the bungalow that housed the emergency room, I should have sensed that something was not quite right, but like I said, the spidey senses were just a bit out of whack. So we go in, fill out our little forms, and are told to wait in the waiting room for our names to be called. As soon as we walk into the waiting room and sit down, literally the second we sit down, J’s name is called and we get back up and head over to the triage nurse. Now, the triage nurse was a very cute guy who was clearly irritated with us for interrupting his viewing of his bootleg copy of the pirates of the Caribbean. His irritation was only heightened by the arrival of a very regal homeless man who was being carted in on a gurney by two EMT’s. Cute boy mumbles under his breath and hustles us through the paperwork. After rushing us through our check in, we are told to go back to the waiting room. J is called in first, and as I still have some paperwork to fill out, I stayed behind. After I finished with what I had to get done, I asked if I could head back to the room with my girls, but no no…Brandelyn has to hang out with the crazy homeless people who are chillen in the waiting room for the night. As I sat there, watching the infomercial on bootleg real estate out of one eye and the homeless man who was scratching himself and yelling at the floor every few minutes out of the other, I began to contemplate my life. Suddenly, the voice of God screamed out my name. After a few seconds, I recovered from my shock and realized that it was someone yelling my name over the intercom. Now honestly, all old boy had to was get up and come around the corner and say “aye dog…its time…” but I suppose there was more entertainment in screaming out my name loudly. So I head back through the “ER” and am brought into the room with J and our friend T who came and picked us up after the accident. When I walk in J is sitting on the bed and T is standing next to her leaning against the wall. I promptly take the blanket that is on the bed and wrap it around my body before sitting down in the chair.

            “Did the nurse talk to you?” J asks shifting slightly on the bed.

            “No, no one said anything, they just paraded me in back here and dropped me off.”

            “Oh okay, because she came in here and asked me if I have lost any weight suddenly and if I had suffered from any domestic abuse.”

             I pause for a moment, wrapping the blanket around me tighter.

            “Did she check a pulse, or …”

            “Yeah, no, none of that. Just those two questions and then she bounced.”

            Suddenly, there is a commotion outside and we learn that James, the regal looking homeless gentleman is now in the back with us and is entertaining the nurses and staff by playing dress up with the medical equipment and supplies.

            So the nurse comes in again and asks me if I have lost any weight recently. I smile proudly and say, “why yes, yes I have, 9 pounds to be exact.”

            “Yeah, I’m talking about significant weight loss.” Before she turns on her heels and walks out.

            Well Damn.

            After about 30 minutes, and listening to a drunk homeless woman cuss out the staff for not being professional, the doctor finally comes in. He looks at our charts and asks if we had on seatbelts. Clearly we did, other wise we would not be in here big chillen like this, but whatever. He touches our necks, feels our spines, makes us take deep breaths and prescribes vicaden and went on his way.  As we sat there for another 20 minutes waiting for the cups so we could give urine samples, a thought dawns on me.

            “J, um…did he look at your head at all?”

            She starts laughing as we realize that the entire purpose of our even coming in here was not even mentioned.

            After we are given the okay to leave, and promptly harassed by the security guards because Oakland is always in the building…we headed home and I headed to a land of ibuprofen bliss, for the rest of the weekend. I am still really sore but cool. God Is good and even remembers to throw in a little tomfoolery to keep us laughing instead of fighting tears.

Peace!

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 12:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

This is a brand new poem...Let me know if you're feelin' it!!!

Peace!

I’m thinking of you

Wondering if the crinkle above my nose is causing you to lose sleep at night

Wishing I could fold you into my dreams

And make you real

My heart is telling me

To move forward with open wings

Pull you into my Queendom

And teach you the truth

Expose my inner parts to you

Explain that my mystery is not blue

But red

A blinding ball of fire

Designed to enrapture

You

Caution has been thrown to the wind

And though I may try to pretend

For your sake

Not mine

That I’m just not that in to you

As you listen to the silences in between our words

When the sound of breathing is the only thing holding us together

You recognize the smile that is lingering on your face

And you’ll understand that you are content

Because now you know

That I am right there with you

And I will continue to smile

And breathe in my fantasies

I will smile at the knowledge that I scare you

That I cause you to believe in something

You once thought was dead

That your heart did not start beating until I said hello

While I continue to count down the memories

Until they become new

And I will continue to dwell in the fact

That I can’t shake the thoughts in my head

Filled with pieces of you

Posted by Brandelyn at 12:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Time always seems to pass by slow when you are anxious about something. The crazy thing is that I don’t even know what I am anxious about. I just have all of this pent up energy I don’t know what to do with. I’m extremely excited about this weekend though. I’m taking another one of my famous writers retreats to fall back in love with my novel and get refocused. I have been living in that I’ll get back to work on the novel as soon as…as soon as…as soon as…Shout out to sex and the city…but I’m locking myself in a hotel room and just writing. It will be really good. These retreats are always extremely productive. I also need to get re-centered. I have had way too much on my mind lately. Way too much unnecessary-ness…that’s a word, that’s a word…on my mind, so I need to get it back together. So that is the plan for the weekend. To only be available to myself and be selfish for once. I hope I can actually do that and not wind up using this allotted time to help someone else out, but we’ll see. I’m excited though. I feel like I am finally in a place where I can get cracking and actually remain focused. I’ve been in this really creative place lately, mostly poetry, which is a huge relief because I thought I’d written all the poems I thought I could. But my goal is to finish the first draft by the end of the year. That is going to take a lot, but I like setting goals and seeing how close to it I get. But things are good. I still have these butterflies in my stomach, but at least I’ll be able to release some of the tension this weekend! Anyway, I’m out the jheri curl! Peace!

Posted by Brandelyn at 02:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

            For most of us, women especially, one of the hardest things we can ever do is look at ourselves totally naked in the mirror. We might have a little breast action once we step out of the shower and are brushing our teeth in the bathroom, but I’m talking about that full length, let me see me, taking in of ourselves in the mirror. Even as little kids we are told that being naked is a bad thing and we need to cover ourselves up. We are conditioned over the years by our families and our society that exposure of skin is something bad. Like when we wear that shirt that exposes a little bit of cleavage or a skirt that shows a little too much leg, we have that little extra twinkle in our eyes because we feel like we are getting away with something bad. But at the same time, when we see another sister doing the same thing, the thought that she is doing a little too much just might cross our minds as well. (Don’t act like that has never happened!) But the point is that it is hard to fully look at yourself naked in the mirror and truly examine your body. This is especially hard for big girls, but I think that we all need to get over ourselves and start loving ourselves, for all of our nakedness and flaws.

            For me, I’ve really been trying to discover who Brandelyn the woman is and all of that is included in all the working out and candles and wine and all that, but one of my biggest problems was being able to look at myself in the mirror. I’ve always been told that I have a pretty face, and have even convinced myself that I am only beautiful from the neck up. I have been known to look at a man crazy if he tells me I’m sexy because I have never been able to think of myself that way. My face is not sexy, its cute…because that is what I am…cute…Well, I’m stopping all that. Its like India.Arie says: “I'm gonna take off all my clothes, Look at myself in the mirror, We're gonna have a conversation, We're gonna heal the disconnection, I don't remember when it started, But this is where it's gonna end, My body is beautiful and sacred, And I'm gonna celebrate it.” And why shouldn’t I celebrate me? This is the only body I’m ever going to have, so why not appreciate it now? Some people may think this is a pride thing, but really it isn’t. Its about learning to love yourself, flaws and all and just accepting every aspect of what makes you, you. I call it a re-birth of self and it really has freed me of a lot of my own issues. You’d be surprised at how refreshing it is to just look at yourself and acknowledge that yes you do have flaws, but so what…it doesn’t make you any less of a person…It actually makes you even better of a person because each scar has a story…every bump and bruise is sign of life and we need to get over ourselves and just embrace that. So go home, take off your clothes and get in that mirror. Don’t turn your head away, but really look. Get to know you and learn to TRULY love you! That is the only way we can begin to grow!! Peace!!!

Posted by Brandelyn at 10:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

            This weekend I discovered the secret to a long life. Last year, while having one of my famous conversations with Nana, she told me that her great grandfather lived to be 117 years old and his father lived to be 110. My great-grandmother on my father’s side lived to be 103 and passed from natural causes. This weekend, I continued reading Mama Day by Gloria Naylor and Mama Day and her sister Abigail are 88 and 90 and both don’t look a day over 50. Now I understand that these characters are fictional, but they really do represent a huge population of people who have also discovered the answer to this secret, but have kept it to themselves. Well, I am here to let the world know.

            Although all of those people grew up at different times, in different eras and lived different lives, they all have one thing in common. All of these people lived in the south, and by south I don’t mean Atlanta or Houston. I mean THE SOUTH. That deep rural south where if you listen really carefully you can hear the old Negro spirituals still being sung in the distance. The south where once the sun sets, there is no light, at all, except from the light coming from inside of your house. The south where the sound of crickets plays the sound track at night. And most importantly, they all lived in the south where their closest neighbor was at LEAST two miles away. And that my friends is the secret to a long life!!! No neighbors!!!

            So picture it. I was supposed to head to LA this weekend, but it didn’t work out, so I had one of those rare Saturdays, where I had nothing to do. I was beside myself with excitement. I slept in until noon…sort of…and got up, threw on some shorts and scoured my apartment. Once the house was clean and the oils were burning I decided to just lie across my bed and read a book. You would be amazed at how rarely that happens. Anyway, I settle into the book, I’m all into it and then…

            “F you B! I don’t care…get out of the car…get out…I’ll show you crazy…get out!!!”

            I let out a deep sigh and set my book down and looked up at the ceiling from whence my help cometh.  The sound of wood cracking and breaking prompted me to get up from my perfectly placed pillows to make sure that my life was not in danger. I noticed my new neighbors fighting in the street, (the sound of the breaking wood was their gate crashing down after one of them was tossed into it), glass being thrown and all types of tomfoolery. One of them ran back into the house and all was silent again. However, knowing Oakland the way I do, I knew it wasn’t over, so I reached for my MP3 and placed my headphones on and got back to the book. A few minutes later I hear the screeching of wheels and all of a sudden a car starts honking obnoxiously in the middle of the street, in front of my house. I turn my player up and try to block out the noise, but the honking persists for almost 15 minutes. The sound of breaking glass caused me to once again, put down my book and dropped my head, once again sending up a prayer. The car screeches off again, and returns seconds later, on the opposite side of the street, once again directly in front of my breezy bedroom window and the commotion is now directly in front of my window. The breaking glass sound apparently came when a brick was thrown through the windshield of the honking car, which was now once again, honking obnoxiously. Moments later, the police come out of nowhere and just as suddenly as it began, the silence returned.

            Now, if I followed the example of my elders, all of this could have gone on, and I could have been in my house, with all of the windows open, living my life, baking pies, and I would be none the wiser. I think those generations past were on to something…

Posted by Brandelyn at 01:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

            Last night I went to the poetry spot and had a great time. My girls were there with me and the sexy rasp I have from this battle with laryngitis I have going added a nice affect to the poem I read on the mic. So as the various poets were going up, one brotha got up, a recent UCLA grad and started speaking about the genocide on black intellectuals that were going on. Now, I personally was merely enjoying myself and the nice little buzz I had from the apple martini + shot I had just consumed, so I was slightly thrown when the entire vibe of the room had changed and this rather angry black man got on the mic, until I started listening to him. He was expressing his anger toward the declining numbers of Black students applying and enrolling in college. As he continued to speak, spitting out various statistics and numbers, I realized that he was absolutely right. There is a genocide happening on the Black intellectual, and the sad thing is that it is so cleverly masked that people aren’t even aware that it is going on.

            Throughout the UC system specifically, there has been an astoundingly drastic decrease in the number of black students being admitted. They say its because students are applying, but I can say that that is absolutely not the case. Within the past two years there have been numerous programs created (my own job included) that have been designed to combat this, but of course, this is under the assumption that students are actually getting what they need in high school, but that is a whole other topic in itself. But yes, there are less and less black people in college for whatever reason, and no one seems to be worried about it. It seems that the thinking has shifted to “as long as this child graduates from high school, I’m satisfied.” But when did that become enough? Now, of course, I understand that college is not for everyone; I get that. But people need to realize that college is not specifically about the classes and the book knowledge you will gain. College, for me, was about learning how to hustle, learning how to never take no for an answer and how to fight for what I wanted. College was about milking my connections to get where I needed to be. The relationships I have made (shout out to the class of 2004), with all of this countries future lawyers, doctors, actors, actresses, teachers, writers, philanthropists, earth changers; relationships that will last for the rest of my life. College is about learning who you are, what you will accept, what you will not, and how everything else fits in between. College is a door opener. Having alumni, people that you have no other connection with except for the fact that you went to the same school (many years apart from each other I might add) who are willing to hook you up with that job and get you connected so you can help out the next. But if these numbers continue to dwindle down that way they have, who will be left to help? We already have white students infiltrating the HBCU’s and taking advantage of our specific scholarships because there is no one there to fill in the blanks. If things continue in the direction they are going, we’ll be back to the days when the schools were just desegregated and there were only 5 black students in the school.

            Now, let me get off my soap box and say that there are things being down to change this trend, but my fear is that it is too little too late. An alumni I met recently told me that her incoming freshman class had over 900 people in it!!! I don’t think that there have been 900 black students at Cal since then, period! Now we are lucky to get 100 black incoming freshman, and this is less than 10 years after that particular class came in. Currently, numbers have not been this bad since the 1960’s…um…right. So, I think, that as a people, we need to continue to be more aware of what is going on around us and not let things get to the point of desperation before we actually try to do something about it.

Posted by Brandelyn at 12:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

            Yesterday was an amazing day. For the first time in a long time, I just did my own thing all day and it was fabulous. I told my Rose that everyday should be like this and she flat out told me that if it was I would be incredibly old right now…so I let the idea burn, but it was a great birthday. It’s funny because for the first time, I wasn’t overly reflective this year. I had a conversation with an old friend and we were both really stuck on the fact that we were now 27. I know that 27 is not by any means old, but damn, it was truly a real slap in the face that whether I wanted to acknowledge it or not, I am a bona fide adult. Crazy. For some reason though, I did feel some sort of shift occur yesterday. For instance, I’m tired of looking like a boy every time I go out, or to work, so I’m starting to step my game up. Oh but please believe that Brandelyn will be fabulously fly without breaking her wallet! Not that much has changed! LOL!!! Shirt: 7.99 Capri’s: 14.00…Sandals: 5.98…Looking and feeling incredible for under 30 dollars…priceless…

            I also had another realization yesterday! I’ve been putting a lot of pressure on myself to finish the new book…and I have to ask myself…for what? There is no reason to rush this. The book is so important to me because of the content and the situations that I am going to make sure it is on point, instead of rushing through it to make sure it is available. So I’m taking my time with this one.  I figure if my favorite artists can take 5 years to produce their new albums and I’m still down for them, then I think my audience can wait a year or so for the new book. So, that is a huge pressure taken off of my shoulders, and I must say that I’m excited to get back to work on it! So we shall see! Anyway, I want to thank everyone for all of the birthday love yesterday!!! I feel a creative surge happening, so get ready for it!!!

Peace Y’all!

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 01:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Going through my old blogs, I realized that I haven't written about my workout antics lately. So... And this is especially for you Mr. Michael =)!

As most of you know, I just got back from participating in large doses of tomfoolery in Houston. The plan was to continue my workout plan whilst (thats a word thats a word) I was in the TX, howeverrrrr, things did not quite go according to plan. But no worries, my Sands was waiting for me the day after i got back with his handy dandy whistle and stop watch around his neck excited about making up for lost time. I wish I could say that i shared in his enthusiam, but i would be lying. Luckily, he knows me extremely well and gaged that today just was not the day, so we did a mini work out which consisted of 10 mintutes on the ski machine and 20 mintutes on the treadmill, followed by a series of crunches and we're off. Not so bad. My body was back to releasing those good endorphines and we were back in business. I left the gym feeling great. Now usually i go to the gym every other day, however, due to my...ah...inefficiency in Houston, I had to pay for that by going to the gym double time when I got back home. So the next day, I was back in the gym. Now as a sidebar, I like the gym on the weekends. There is no wait for any of the machines. The music is typically better. There on average about 5 people in there at a time and the whole experience is just more pleasant. Until I am there to make up for lost time. So we are in the gym, working it out, my life is falling to shambles as I am squatting to the ground wondering why i let this man talk me into placing this HEAVY ASS bar across my neck, but you know, i'm  G, so I fought through it. I'm sweating, working it out, proud of myself for adding more weights to the machines and just generally getting stronger ( I SEE YOU B!) and once again, I leave the gym feeling great. Until the next morning. My legs were the epitome of all things sore and I'm expected to WALK on them? No Tanto Mucho!!! But Thankfully, my Sands, who knows me oh so well, was impressed my workout and let me have the next day off. (Perhaps that is why I was in such a euphoric state that day...please refer to the Hummingbirds blog...) Anyway. Monday...is where my life fell apart. Sands showed up with that evil grin on his face and I knew that the Ambulance would be waiting for me outside. After lifting every weight in the gym, i was told to spend 50 minutes on the treadmill. Um...what? Instead of complaining because some of my excersises for the day eliminated, I decided to cuss him out in my head this time, instead of to his face and just suck it up and get on the mill. So i get on my little machine, fire it up and focus my attention on the tv in front of me. YES!!! Friends is on!! I know for at least half of my torture session, I will be entertained! So I'm going, i'm in the zone, I'm chuckling at the show on the inside, because actual laughter is asking me to expend too much energy, and then BAM! the dag nab machine decides its done for the day and shuts off...what the hell?! DIZAMN! I do a quick survey and see another machine just opened up. I stroll to the other side, bitter that i was so abruptly taken out of my zone and fire up the new machine. Luckily, the tv above my head was also showing Friends, so I was back in the game. For some reason, I got so wrapped up in the show and then Seinfeld (which was actually pretty funny this time, or maybe it was my desperation for anything but this treadmill to think about, i don't know) but before i knew it, I was on the mill for an hour. Whoa. No tanto Mucho! When i stepped off, I felt as though I was floating and life once again was beautiful. Until I stepped outside into Antartica (AKA the Bay Area when the sun goes down) and got a cold with fever from standing outside waiting for the bus, soaking wet from having just worked out and its 40 degrees outside. ANd the soreness that i experienced the day before was inhanced by my stint on the mill...once again...No tanto mucho... So ladies and gentleman, the moral of the story is...workout when you are supposed to and always bring a jacket when you live in the bay!

Half a dress size and counting!!!

Peace Y'all

B

Posted by Brandelyn at 09:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I know I haven’t blogged in a while. Part of it is work responsibilities keeping me busy, and the other part is that I was tired of hearing my voice. I kept hearing myself and it all sounded the same. And, if I can be real honest for a second, ever since the book came out, my pen has been dead. Try as I may, I have not been able to write, a thing, just my repetitive blogs. But last night, I had a breakthrough of sorts, and my pen was resurrected. So, I want to post a poem I just wrote. It is as of yet untitled, and I’m still working on it, but I would love to hear what you think…peace y’all

7.13.06

Standing here squeezing both hands to my middle

Trying in vain to catch the water between my fingers

Praying that I could stop it

Before it all began to melt away

Then

Here came you

I was doing just fine

Solid in my ice cold melody

Carefully humming my ice cold blues

Frozen against the ability to remain cold

Wanting the possibility of remaining stone

Until, You kissed me

I told myself that I was going to be fine

A strong, independent sista, doing it for herself

Living my life on platinum

Rejoicing in my full bloom

Until, you kissed me

And just like Adam because of Eve

I was suddenly able to see EVERYTHING around me

My eyes could see my need to hide behind my accomplishments

And my need to feel important

And I became aware of my need

My need to be touched and teased

My need to be held and squeezed

To wake up with your breath on my neck

To grin stupidly when I get that text

But most importantly

To know,

Because you said so

That you feel the same as me

I see that I’ve gotten so good at keeping my temperature frozen

Pausing time just when I feel that I’m about to melt

Taking that moment to recollect myself

Reform my frozen pieces until they fit

But your lips grazed mine

Gently at first

As though you were asking if it was okay

To take my breath away

And as your hands grazed the back of my neck

I felt the first drop begin to fall

And this time

I couldn’t move to catch it

I let it continue to fall

And soon it was followed by another

And while the drops continued to travel along the length of my body

I paused and looked into your eyes

Blinking quietly at the realization of your touch

Asking silently if it was okay to give my breath away

And I didn’t realize that I was numb

Until you kissed me

Posted by Brandelyn at 04:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

            Yesterday was one of those rare days in the bay where everything was so perfect and clear that even the homeless people were chillen. I decided to take full advantage of the day, so I went to an outdoor café, ordered a sandwich and peach Italian soda, and pulled out my manuscript and settled underneath the sun’s kisses. The problem with days like that is that sun is so delicious, it always coaxes you not to work, but rather to sit there and simply enjoy its power. Its kind of like a good massage, no matter what else you have going on, or what you have going on in your mind, all you can really do is sit there and enjoy it. So as I was sitting there underneath the tree filled with little pink and white flower blossoms, a tiny hummingbird appeared out of nowhere and began floating around above my head in the tree. Instantly, I became a six year old staying at Nana’s house. It would always be one of those Saturdays, where everything was quiet. There was no television or radio on, the house had been vacuumed and dusted and aired out, and the streets were lazily calm, and the house was filled with an overwhelming peaceful quiet. I remember lying on the floor on Nana’s rug in the living room, reading books, and Nana sitting on her corner of the couch, going through her magazines. All of a sudden, she’d whisper, “Brandee, come here, be quiet now.” I crawl over to her on my hands and knees and climb up next to her on the couch. I knew what was coming and I was excited. We would both look out the window and watch, as a tiny hummingbird would float silently around the flowered bush outside of the front window. “Nana, where are its wings?” I would always whisper, watching it float around. Nana would smile and always say the same thing, ‘they’re there baby. They’re just moving so fast, you can’t see them.” And to me, that moment was magic. Sitting next to my Nana, watching the hummingbird seemingly float from bloom to bloom, as I literally held my breath, afraid that if I made any noise, I would scare it away. And I knew those moments were magic because, no matter what was going on, the only time I ever saw a hummingbird was when I was with my Nana, in her living room, laying on the floor, secretly waiting to see if I would get to see one of those birds again. Sometimes, when Nana wasn’t around I would even sit at the window and wait for hours for one to come, but they never did. I always thought that Nana had something to do with me seeing the Magic birds (LOL) so when I saw one yesterday, it took me back to those moments and I realized that I had a fat grin on my face. Life really is about taking in the little things and appreciating those moments that make you smile, and hold on to those moments when times get hard. If you have a memory that makes you laugh, hold on to it and keep it. It’s okay to start giggling to yourself when that thought crosses your mind. I think we so often try to suppress ourselves and try to be “adults” meaning that we can’t laugh or enjoy life as much as we once would. But that is not the case at all. Yesterday, as I sat literally soaking in the sun, I thanked God for my life and for all the things I have been blessed with. Yes there have been hard times and mistakes and mistakes and mistakes, but things could be a lot worse. I can see a hummingbird and think of my Nana, then call her and tell her about it and have her appreciate my story. Life really is precious and beautiful and when we think about it, we’ll realize that its really just a bunch of little moments stacked up on top of each other forming a smile until we are so full we have to laugh. And yes, that is what life is all about. 

Posted by Brandelyn at 02:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

“I was never in that camp of a night out with someone is better than a night out alone. I was someone, and there was always something to do with me. I actually enjoyed polishing my nails or washing my hair and sitting in front of the mirror to admire the effect – for myself. Anything that gave me pleasure wasn’t a waste of time...” Mama Day by Gloria Naylor

            So many times, I find myself living in the land of the grass is always greener. No matter what I have going on, the grass will always look better on the other side of the fence. I may have a nice pool, with a deck and huge grill. I might have my oversized umbrella protecting my ice-cold pitcher of mango iced tea from the suns rays. But as soon as I step toward that fence, and look into my neighbors yard, I want what they have. I came to the harsh conclusion the other day that of my friends and I am one of the few who is truly single. Now, by single I don’t mean, without a boyfriend. By single, I mean, just that, single. Not talking to anyone, not dating anyone, not involved, or even looking to be involved for that matter. For a brief moment this week, I turned my back on my own backyard and began to look over the fence. I saw the couple lounging together, laughing, sharing, enjoying life, it was beautiful, and I wanted that. Suddenly, what I had wasn’t enough, and I began to listen to that little nagging voice in my head that screams out “B, you’ve been single forever, and if you keep it up, you’re going to BE single forever. Get it together girl and get you a man before you die an old maid.” 

            This past week, I got the chance to hang with my girls. I was in the company of my sisters who were in their careers, doing their thing, beautiful and happy with life. I loved it. It was nice to just be grown for a minute! LOL! But as usual with groups of women, we began to discuss relationships and their impact on our lives. And talking to my girls, and being in the environment I was in, I realized that I was perfectly fine exactly where I was. Its funny because I honestly do have those moments where I begin to doubt myself and wonder if maybe I should try settling down and dating someone. That maybe something is missing from my life, and having a man will somehow magically fix the insecurities and doubts I have. (LOL!!! sorry, back to the blog) That maybe I am enjoying my freedom too much. I mean really, here I am fresh off a plane from gallivanting all over Houston for an entire week, where I enjoyed MAJOR doses of tomfoolery like I didn’t have a care in the world. Comparatively, when it comes down to it, I am extremely blessed. When I want to go somewhere, I go. When I want to do something, I do it. When I want to say something I say it, all because I simply can. Since I have been on my Pro-Brandelyn kick, I have been having a wonderful time with me, and feeling less and less bad about it. Yesterday, in talking to my Twin Soul, I told her, I know that I am somebody’s wife and somebody’s mother. I am way too maternal and giving and loving not to be. But until HE finds me (“HE that findeth a wife, FINDETH a good thing…Amen) I should enjoy my freedom and independence. I have tons of goals to accomplish, even more now since I left the festival. But there is nothing missing in my life, not even a man. So I will sit back on my deck, watch the water ripple on my pool, drinking my mango iced tea and enjoy my own backyard. Because that is how it is supposed to be…for now!

Peace,

Brandelyn

Posted by Brandelyn at 01:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Oh boy. There is so much going through my head right now!! First of all, let me say that I am having THE most amazing time in Houston. I don’t know whether it’s the fact that I’m here with my girls, or the overwhelming feeling of freedom I have being on vacation. Whatever it is, Houston is most definitely agreeing with me! The whole point of me coming out here was to attend the Essence Festival and it has been so amazing. The first night I came we went straight from the airport to a club and I forgot all about the humidity. But honestly, I prefer it! It is so nice to walk around at night in shorts and a tank top and just being cool. Even the rain isn’t that big a deal because it’s still hot!!! This is what summer is supposed to be! LOL!!! But anyway, my girl Nikki hooked up an appointment with Lisa Price the owner and creator of Carols Daughter INC. and she was so amazing. I didn’t need any consultation on her products because I have her entire line in my closet (no for real) so I just talked to her. I told her about my books and my dreams and my goals and how much I was inspired by her and her story. (You all should really read her book “Success never smelled so sweet” if you need a little inspiration) and I think she really felt what I was saying. The funny thing is that I was so nervous to talk to her. But I got over that, and gave her a copy of the book, which she was excited about and promised that I would see her in September when she came out to the bay. Something about that meeting really sparked an excitement in me. We went to the festival the next day and I had to face another one of my fears and pass out flyers. Thank goodness my friends were there to tell me to stop being such a punk and just suck it up! LOL, but it was cool because every person I talked to was really receptive and most were really excited about the book. My website has been getting more and more hits so clearly the flyers have worked! I also submitted my book to a national book club for selection as one of their books of the month. So yeah. I am super motivated and excited. I’m about to start just making major moves, so to all of my friends and family, I apologize right now for all of the emails and invitations and propaganda you are about to receive! LOL!! But don’t throw them away, just give them to a friend. A woman at the Festival told me that word of mouth advertising was better then any advertising in a publication. I firmly believe that…so I am about to be on the grind. It’s a whole new day. I am so excited.

Oh yeah! And Happy Fourth of July!!!!!!

Posted by Brandelyn at 03:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)